I am the womb that rejects the life inside it
I am the tomb that has yet to find her corpse
I write with knowledge only I can know
For my mind is only mine
(Except when it isn’t)

With nothing to occupy every hour of my time
A loss of structure that I have so heavily relied
Things sink in that floated before
And they all thought that I had shut that door

It’s my last night in this room that’s become a makeshift home
A tiny little room with bunk beds and a bad AC
This room that I’ve grown to love and hate but mostly love
I don’t want to go
I have cried every day
I don’t want to go
I’m glad I gave my therapist a hug goodbye
He deserved it
I’m glad I wrote my professor a note on the back of the final
She means so much to me
I’m glad I took goodbye pictures with my friends
May they all have safe summers

If the murderous dreams would stop
If then I’d be better than this
Maybe

Why do I feel like I’m looking in on a world that I’m somehow not part of
A spectator in the empty stands of the game of a lifetime

My heart jumps too much now
My head spins and I get dizzy
My twitches have started to revisit
And breathing is harder today

All symptoms of a sick spirit

What if they fight? What if his heart problem is worse than anticipated?
What if he does lose his job?
My mom says she will divorce him if he does
He would **** himself.
Who do you root for? Who do you worry about?
I will never be able to only worry about me
I make myself sick over them
I make myself sick
You know what’s at home?
...
A pair of lovely dogs waiting to greet me. I can’t wait.

My pillow is a graveyard for tears that have slipped down my cheeks to the great beyond