He kisses one, two, three
Up my neck and on my cheeks,
His lips lingering on my jaw bone,
His breath like a drug.

I shouldn't be here with him,
He doesn't belong in my bed.
But his heartbeat fills the room,
My head heavy on his chest.

I don't know how it happened,
How his fingers laced themselves through my hair,
How he was able to break through the walls,
And with one push make them all fall.

I shouldn't be here with him.
My head on his bare chest.
The smell of sweat,
The sensation of overwhelming regret.

No, not regret.
Falling,
I know I can't catch my self anymore.
I've hit the floor and his smile,
His smile has taken over my soul.
I've fallen in love.

I shouldn't be here with him.
Yet here I am.

I hope it rains the day they bury you six feet deep.
I hope it pours, so no one can see my tears as they stain the ground.
I hope there's thunder so no one can hear my heart shattering and the sobs that shake me.
I hope there are clouds blocking out the sun as a reminder that you were our Ray of light, now forever gone.
I hope it rains.
I hope it rains so I don't have to look at a perfectly beautiful day and not have you to share it with.
I hope it rains.

I met you and knew I would spend eternity with you. I knew I'd roll over every morning and see your half awake smile and messed up curls and know it was worth cashing in every bit of good luck I had left. In fact we wed. Through triumph and failure we made it work and tied the knot. And now within weeks I feel as though my life with you is crumbling. Like I can't do anything right.

I fought through everything we argued over and compromised my life to be with you. I gave up hopes and dreams and suffered through hardships. But tonight... I don't know anymore. I don't know what to do. You hit me. You broke me. You told me to get out and smacked me. My face still stings from the pain. Is still warm from where your hand met my face. You make me want to die. You have pulled up anxieties I had long since buried. I am scared of you. I am scared you will find someone better. I am scared you will leave me and now I am scared that I'll mess up and you'll beat me...

The crazy part is I don't know if I'll stay. I want to because I love you but I don't know if I can live in that fear again... I don't know if I can continue to live in that fear...

Dear hypocrite.
Dear man who drinks to forget how empty he is inside, while he coaches other on how to over come addiction. Who takes it out on those closest to him. Who looks for an argument to make himself feel better.
Dear misogynist,
Thank you for teaching me yet again to trust no one.
For teaching me that as a woman my views are worth nothing. That I am worth nothing. That my insecurities are yours for the pickings when you don't like how I take that drink out of your hand. When I try and get you home safely.
Dear *******,
Thank you for proving to my husband that you are nothing more than a power monger who uses derogatory remarks to tear those around you down until they grovel at your feet begging for your unwarranted forgiveness. For proving your superiority complex. Your need to be the best.

Dear friend.
Well maybe you once were. But are no more. I hope you find what you're looking for. I hope you don't tear yourself apart before you get there. Drink yourself into Oblivion.
But I cant watch anymore. I have my own life to protect.