This was my secret
Not yours to tell
This is the whole reason
I didn’t plan to tell you until later
I wanted to tell brother before you
But somehow it came up in conversation
And now you think
You have the authority to tell whoever you want
It’s my secret
Not yours to tell
But now you have
And you are acting like
Super Pride Sister
Because of my secret
This is so like you
To make everything about you
For your reputation
It’s my secret
Not yours to tell
And I wasn’t planning on telling you
Because I’m not even sure if I approve of it myself
How is it fair
That my secret
Is about you
It’s my secret
Not yours to tell

I tried therapy
Back when I didn’t think I needed it
My family split.
So my mom brought me in
But I didn’t have anything to say
I wasn’t sad yet
And I didn’t feel as if the whole world was against me yet
But now I’m reconsidering

Somehow, this dress makes me feel pretty
This hair makes me feel pretty
This makeup makes me feel pretty.
I think it’s just the situation for which I like it
Because every ordinary day
I would hate all of this
I don’t wear dresses because they make me feel uncomfortable
I don’t do my hair all fancy because it seems so pointless
I don’t use makeup because it makes me feel like I’m hiding
I don’t understand why a bunch of girls prefer this everyday
Because on the few special occasions
It makes it feel like it’s worth my time.

I don’t do dances
The frilly dresses
Crowded room
And awkward dancing
But I’m willing to make the exception
For you
So long as you’re there
With me.

I laughed so hard that I cried
Or maybe
I laughed
And I cried
Tears of joy
Because I hadn’t heard
My real laugh
In such a long time
So tears stream down my cheeks
And cling to my chin
As I try to catch my breath
Down on my knees
As you all surround me
Making playful fun
And the laughing doesn’t stop
And I choke on the air that’s not coming
I haven’t laughed in so long
That I think I’ve forgotten
How to do it without
Killing myself
From lack of air
I laughed so hard that I cried

Dear God, it’s me, lonesome
The only friends you give to me
End up leaving shortafter
What did I do?

Dear God, it’s me, anxious
You tell me everything that could go wrong
And tighten my chest, make my breathing unsteady
What did I do?

Dear God, it’s me, depressed
You give me so many good things
But even more to ruin my happiness
What did I do?

Dear God, it’s me, Reagan
I can’t figure out what I did
To make you want to throw the worst my way
Please tell me, what did I do?