I wonder if you’d want to know
I named all of my demons after you and
they haunt me in my sleep

when I was 14 I fell asleep in April and dreamed of bones and
I’m not sure I’ve really ever woken up since

when I lost 5 pounds I never saw a difference

when I lost 10 my mother said I was looking good

when I lost 20 she told me to stop and handed me food
and I became anemic

when I lost 25 I stopped drinking anything because
I felt water had calories

when I lost 30 my mother held me on her lap
and held my bones together for me

when I lost 35 I started fainting every morning and
the doctors could no longer easily find my blood pressure

when I lost 40 people started to stare and food made me cry

when I lost 45 it hurt to walk and to lay down
it hurt to eat
it hurt to breathe and
I started throwing up my empty stomach

the mind plays tricks on those that decide
nourishment is not needed

Eat.

Welcome to America
     Where education is top priority
                   With the exception of football

Welcome to America
     Where we believe in world peace
             We also believe in the biggest military in the world

Welcome to America
     Where all men and women are created equal
                 But being gay is the greatest sin

Welcome to America
      Where we like to make fun of everybody
                 Just don't call us fat

Welcome to America
       Where we love our food so much
                We've managed to make it fake

Welcome to our great patriotic country of America
          We might as well be the only country in the world
               Seriously, if it wasn't for us, the nazis would still be in power

I shouldn't have to beg to differ,
the right to differ should be inherent-
I will willingly reconcile my views with yours
in order to expand my consciousness,
and eliminate ego,
but I will not beg to differ.

Let's spend a week forgetting to be lonely.
I'll fly into Knoxville, drive east
until the roads run out. No one goes
to Harlan County unless they have to.
The mountains are giants, here, they almost
disguise the desolation-- the pieces
of people that got caught
when the mines collapsed.
You tell me to be careful, as if
this isn't my country, too.
As if I wasn't born with dirt beneath my fingernails.

I like how you treat me delicate.
I like to pretend I'm a flower.
You touch me like I'm breakable.
I want to protest that I'm not, but I'd be lying.
Look at me like you mean it, like I'm
the only clean water
you've drunk in weeks. The wells
have been choked with weeds.
So leave bite marks on my back as you
burn the brush.
There is a sweetness in me if you can find it.

Let's drink like teenagers; make sloppy love.
I want to *** at the same time and then lie around
giggling and smoking cigarettes.
Pull the blankets off the bed and trail them
through the house until we've ****** in every room, twice.
Let's build a pillow fort, drink cheap
wine out of mason jars, and then **** so hard
it falls down around us.
I want you to lose hours in me, whole days,
come up for air next Tuesday and we'll
cook breakfast at midnight. You make me so hungry.

Tell me about your childhood, tell me
the one thing you asked for every Christmas
and never got. I wanted
an Easy-Bake Oven. I wanted to play normal.
Tell me all the things you got but didn't ask for,
never wanted, didn't deserve.
I'll run my teeth across your earlobe
and let my hips listen to all the words
your tongue never learned to say.
We are both still just babies.

I like how you scare me.
How sometimes you hold my wrists together
when you tell me I'm beautiful
so I can't wriggle away, because you know
I've never been good at accepting compliments.
I can count the number of nights
we've spent together on one hand, but the months
of distance take more than just digits.
I used to think you hated me.
I used to hate myself for it.

I know the darkness in you. Three days down
in the mine with no canary and me just waiting
for you to reemerge.
You always seem to find your ways out of it.
I like to think of myself as a lodestone; you tell me
not to get arrogant, that being wounded and beautiful
aren't interchangeable, but I believe
they both can make us strong.
I want to write poems with my fingers
on the small of your back,
leave scratch marks as a reminder of
how far I've come. You make me forget to be sad.
You teach me not to take myself too seriously.
I want to be your canary.
Follow my voice out when it gets dangerous.
I'll only scream when I mean it.

Get a little lost in me. Undress until
I can feel the heartbeat in your **** reverberating up my spine.
So run your tongue down
my torso; forget to breathe, while you
Tell me the things that scare you.
Show me your seams. Somewhere beneath
all this rock there is a gold mine, so trace my veins
like a treasure map. Maybe someday
they will lead you home.

Such a gentle thing,
Wrapped up in a sheltered fortress.
I want to bust my way through your walls, 
But I'd rather you'd let the gate fall down.
So I could walk on through,
And love you like we used to.
These walls covered in tapestries of memories,
Thoughts and opaque opportunities.
I want to create you a window, a stained glass world.
It would never fade, 
Or fall apart.
This castle is yours, 
You built it from the ground up.
Stone walls and a vision of what you wanted,
You built something strong.
With passages leading in, but a moat to keep others out.
You put piranhas in your pit, to devour all those you didn't care for. 
I managed to get past once, 
Twice,
Now I'm asking for one more chance.
Let down your drawbridge, 
Let's make a new addition.
We'll make a dungeon for the sins, 
And a treasure room for the memories.
We'll have a prince,
And a princess.
There'll be a dragon in the keep, and a phoenix in the study.
We'll have a modern medieval life, 
With all the jesters, peddlers and jousting. 
You can be a queen, 
And I'll be your king.
I'll build us thrones in the foyer, 
And a grand hall in your heart.
No room shall be locked,
No secrets kept hidden.
Now I'm waiting outside, 
Singing you a lullaby.
I'm throwing stones,
And wearing a mask to the ball.
I'll be your modern time Romeo, just for you, my Juliet.

Mitchell S. Bartlett