My mind preaches things I'd never believe

And my brain warps the thought to make me think I do

She wants to be free
She wants to be released from the chains of pain and anxiety
She wants to stop asking herself the questions she long answered
She knew it's over
She knew that everything that is keeping her from going on
are just fragments of her vague happy memories
Those are long gone
But she still stays
She doesn't want to
But she just can't
She asks Why?
How?
She answers then,
The thing that kills you is
the only thing that made you feel alive.

He was afraid of losing me
He was the one who left.

The day we met was quite the oddest.
It was never love at first sight
but it was love that transpired because of the moments our eyes met
as if every gaze of yours was a droplet of rain to my parched soul.

The day you said you love me too was bizarre.
I never actually jumped for joy
but I made another response with a fiery and ardent kiss
as if every pursuit of your lips inflamed and melted my ice cold heart

The day you said goodbye was the hardest
It was an infinite stab to my chest
but I just let those wounds linger and made no resistance
as if every deep cut felt no despair nor misery at all

But the day I stopped loving you was today
It was supposed to be today, not tomorrow again but today
but then I still find myself longing for you, thinking of you
as if I am still trapped in the memories of you loving me too.

I want to wake up forgetting everything about you
just as how you woke up forgetting about us
I want to sleep without a single thought of you in my head
just as how you slept without thinking about how my day was
I want to escape from having nightmares of our memories
just as how you stayed in the delusion without any image of me
I want to believe that you never actually cared
just as how you doubted how much you meant to me.
I want to
I really do
I would if I could but I can't.

It almost felt like a desert in the middle of a stormy night
with all the noise of silence, the darkest hours constantly passed
the bitterness of  intoxication became a daily dose
because the strong wind stole all the affirmation of foolishness
even the fragments didn't make sense anymore
the soul was barren and tormented but it didn't matter
nothing made sense until that longing face showed up
and in a split second, the demon asleep inside the chest started to beat again.

I woke up with some ticklish kisses in my toes
It was the sea greeting 'good morning'
The tiny grain of crystals were all over my sheathing
I've always thought that these specks were all alive. I felt it
it's heart skipped a beat
As I stood up, there was another welcoming
The heartbeat stopped though.
That's when I thought, it was mine.
The scorching heat burned my uncovered flesh
I waited no more and dwell into the vast and deepest part
I ran and never looked back
"It's calling me." I beckoned
There I go, caressing those ticklish kisses
it desired for more
Now I let the blue devour my whole
At first it was needy.
But the farther we get to be one, the calmer it becomes.
There I was.
Laying in the bed of natural actuation
No more covering.
Just a salty meat and a messy female psyche.