I cannot lose what fills
   my heart more than blood
   my lungs more than air
   myself more than me

Like a migraine unwinding
you feel a pain
deep down in your soul
that seems binding
as pieces of you unravel
like a shrouded veil
falling to reveal the parts
that you are still finding

It isn't easy searching
for things that you didn't
even know you'd lost
Like a hidden force driving
with a faulty gps
and a wheel that you
can't seem to control
brining you to what is hiding

Do you slam on your breaks—
                  or do you keep looking?

You do not know
what is yet to come,
as nothing yet
is set in stone.

I wish that I could
take all your worries,
turn them into gold
and build you a throne.

But I cannot build
with what I cannot hold,
and I cannot take away
what I cannot grasp.

So together we'll conquer
each daunting task,
and I'll hold you close
in a gentle clasp.

For the first time in months,
I prayed
Before my statue of Apollo,
I kneeled
With my candle lit
I held my open palms to the sky
I cried
Before Apollo,
I begged
For the first time in months,
I had to believe
There was something beyond me
That could bring you what you need

My heart folds and bleeds
The love I have for you, it exceeds
I said I want to write like Edgar Allen Poe
But I didn’t mean I wanted his same woe

I love you, I always will and always have
But the fear of the memories being all I have
It makes me wonder what steps did I miss?
Was there a ladybug or dandelion where I didn’t wish?

Could I have begged the gods a little harder?
Surely there was more that I could barter
To fill you with more bliss
I’ve taken pages from all the myths

There is no price I would not pay
No sacrifice that would bring more dismay
Than losing the light you shine on my life
There is nothing more to fill me with more strife

I ponder more than I ought to
Of what would happen
If you went where I could not follow
And I wonder who it is I’d never forgive

The you who left
Or the me who let you?

If I ever get that call
It will be the day
I buy a my first
Pack of cigarettes
And I'll smoke them
One by one
Until my lungs
Are black and numb

I wish I could tell you
Something other than
It'll be okay
Because I know right now
It feels as though it never will
So instead,
I'll tell you something
That you'll believe
That it will never be the same
It never has to stay as it is

So find a dandelion for me
And make a wish
Make a promise
To yourself
That it will never be the same
That one day
You will feel okay
Because you believed in someday