even through past suffering with tears in my eyes I could see this coming.
These aches on my plate, you can always relate, check the dictionary it's gotta mean something.
Your heart hurts, mine does to, & although many people go through this it seems like it's just us two.
We're both in a position where we can only trust few, looking for the good in people there isn't much to, look in my eyes & tell me is it a just view?
Today the pain didn't get to me as if having a conversation with you was God defending me.
Maybe the Lord cried in that river, there's gotta be something in the water from Tennessee.

I always thought you were to amazing to end up with me,

I just hoped still.

But it's not time spilled.

Just a cup half filled.

always send extra prayers to the people engulfed in struggles, people who's status doesn't show that they work so hard.
For I know so well the feeling of faith depleting struggles, pain that makes you interrogate life, & trials that make the weak plead there is no God.
Believe me when I say a life, a person, with more valuable things does not give that life more value than the one you posses.
I've laid in a house with two parents and 7 brothers where there weren't enough beds to rest, over time some died, some left, insurance money gets a bigger house & inside it seems like we have less.
For a home is not appraised by the value of the structure, but the Love inside.
So don't be in a rush to fit in with the rich kids. Not  to say they're all negative spirits but sometimes money can make people forget that true Friendship is the most expensive ride.
For the Bible says if it fails it wasn't Love & the evidence of false Love based on earthly standards is all around us, look at celebrity relationship perhaps.
Celebrities dating celebrities & rarely regular people. It never works because a false love relying on money, fame, and status as its base isn't true and is always sure to collapse.
Guess in life, or At least how I see it, when I'm struggling the people around me are so genuine & the more successful I become the more people want to take and no one wants to give.
In the beginning was flesh and elements, family and fellowship, status was non-existent and Love was the only currency we needed to live.

Today I realized I was to small, to unknown, to middle class to fit in with the perfect smiles, the perfects weights, the people I thought kindness would be enough to yield their friendship.
In life we average people work hard to make a better life for ourselves. Sadly, no matter how well mannered or kind you are, despite how thoughtful you are, net worth & social status decides who these people are friends with.
They will hint jokes at the car you slaved and saved to buy yourself because it just doesn't quite shine as bright as the cars Mommy and Daddy bought them.
They were taught to smile bright, look good, and reach for the people who have value not people who will value them & these values say less about them and more about the people that taught them.
I guess that's why they smile in each other's faces and come to me to trash the people they were just pretending to love and care for so vigorously.
I guess that's why they tell lies without reasonable Premise, see they know the prices of material things, & know the names of the people who shine on Game Day & If you don't fall into those categories you're worthless to these people, literally.
Everything is perfect this. Everything has to be perfect that, & if you're a person with flaws you embrace especially those of the financial origin there's no place for you in their, well, I don't even know if I can say they even hearts.
If they do truly have hearts though you'll be sure to hear them complain about it being broken, because they're foolish enough to think they can just enter someone's life at the glorious finish & not care a single bit about the struggles in the start.

They say once you stop looking
what you were looking for appears.
So I wonder if I shut my eyes,
will you materialize here?

Father I Love you dearly with all my heart.

Its like I can never stop, everyday is another mistake, another imperfection. Another start.

Forgive me Again.

Hallucinogens ingested to my flesh for reasons I couldn't name & the higher I become the further I feel away from you.

Meaningless flings are selected for evenings one in the same & I dive into eternal fires for pleasures only to hope you'll bring me through.

Forgive me Again.

I couldn't tell you why I make these mistakes but the ones with the heaviest burdens are the ones that bring harm to another temple other than my own.

But then again it is not mines to own. I am yours, & she is yours, they are yours, & I know there's no way to retrieve that pain from the mind of your child once she's hurt and gone.

Forgive me Again.

Can you hear me right now?
My heart is racing but there's surely no sound.
I'm always here but I'm never around.
I'm finally on my feet & you're knocking me down.
Lord not right now, not right now.
Can you trust me right now?
I've Queened you but I forgot your crown.
You're an ocean, I don't want to drown.
My standards are high, you're above the crowd.
Your pictures are screaming, why are you so loud?
Jumping while looking down.
Tried to slide in safe but you're calling me out.
Apology letters from the ones that miss me right now.
Smiles behind frowns, night doubts.

conceit vs loneliness is the real fight
I can't fix it, all I can do is tell you what it feels like..
pretty girls in the friends zone,
But no one believes we're friends though.
Labeled for my company, when I'm involved with none.
They speculate, when there was truly only one.
& then I lost the only girl in my life.
By following my best friend's advice.
I don't know why, he's just as scared of committed as me at the end of the night.
But I ask him to guide me every time as if he's seen the light.
And then I convince myself a bad idea is a good one because I've heard it twice.
I appear to have em all, when I have none.
When in fact I'm so conceited, I can't just lay with anyone.

Be cautious of what you dish out & what you take.
Things should just flow, know the difference between a river and a lake.
One has a destination, a purpose, the other is just sitting there being convenient.
& some people are like lakes, they'll say they can take you places but it's impossible for them to mean it.
If you're a river just be aware of the people that are so much like all the boats that transport stuff.
Those people who wipe their tears with your flaws,  you know the ones who have to push you down a little bit so they can stay up.
Never be scared to asked "what is it", "where are we", or "where are we going".
Because growth is the only evidence of life,  you're probably dead if you're not growing.

Every day when I stare into those eyes that capture my soul & silence my worries I wonder just what might be on your mind?
If I were somehow able to get pass that heavily secured guard you have around your heart what would I find?
Do you see the future flashes of me holding you so tight i don't have the room to stray, so close that to let you go would mean to let go of my self?
Do you see those same fall sundays in sweats grocery shopping & I'm just happy being dragged around like your puppet just to pick items off of really high shelves?
Have you ever wondered like I do what it might be like if we were to kiss, and kiss again until we could no longer feel our lips but instead our soul passionately clinching each other ?
I lay every night and wonder if you see the things I dream about, concerts where you stare at lights and i stare at you or lake days where I hold you tight while your teeth shutter.
When we're around them, when we're at pool parties and I have to act like I don't love you, like I don't hate guys hitting on you, can you see the desire to be yours in my eyes?
When I look at you and walk away, when i hug you and let go quickly, when I call you my friend, can you tell that these actions are all lies?
I guess I have so many questions that I'm bringing, but it seems it does matter if I'm sleeping or I'm drinking, whether I'm sweating my energy out on a track or singing, everyday, all day, I just can't but wonder what you're thinking?

I think this song sounds so good because i heard it next to you.
God could take all my blessings away, as long as I'm left with you.
I cherish memories we haven't made yet.
I'm feeling things I was sure I'd lack.
Scarred from the ones that want me back, the thought of emotion gives me heart attacks, but now my guards are quitting, they don't wanna fight back.
Slightly conceited, I feel I'm a first round pick yet I know you're out my league.
I've stayed Siberian for years, it only took you 72 hours to do this to me.
You make me feel beyond infatuation.
Roll Tide, University of Alabama still blessing me even after graduation.
Zetas they're special,
Unforgettable.

The first time I saw you I knew my angel was borrowed.
Could you come back tomorrow?
I'm strong, but when my light's off and I'm sleepy.
These songs, your pictures continue to eat me.
Your voice drowns out the thunder.
My childhood was hell yet you make me wish I was younger.  
Weekends I lay & think.
You go out and drink.
Am I the one on your mind when you can't control it?
You lose things when you're drunk, give me your heart, let me hold it.
You are everything I pray for.
I re-read your texts until it feels like you say more.
Since April I adored you.
I fell knowing you couldn't afford to.
I don't hear from you but I hear you.
I close my eyes and dream I'm near you.
I'm standing in the rear view.
Not knowing what happens in year two.
The future will always be a mystery.
In the end I just hope I'm Mr. He

I try my best not to let things bother me.
But unavoidable irritation is those women anyone could have if they struck a lottery.
State, Scratch off, or Draft day, doesn't matter.
Materialistic & status driven women whom the true values in life don't seem to flatter.
You can stay down but she  needs a come up.
& if you ever drown she won't be there when you come up.
There's so many problems there and I'm here to provide the sum.
The minute your dollars multiply, divide from her & add in a woman that values you or you'll be left looking dumb.
Life is full of open and closed doors,
Sometimes you have wait longer for the lord to open yours.
Marriage is about ups and downs & how could that ever work with a woman who won't ride to the lowest floor?

When you say you love me, know I love more.
God I’ve always trusted you, today I trust you more.
I’ve payed before, asking what you were waiting for.
It was her, she was on the way.
Did you already know I would adore her this way.
Bravo, well done, You’ve outdone yourself, you heard me.
I will spend the rest of forever serving, trying, to be worthy.
This is one blessing I do not deserve.
How often do you send angels to earth?

They lied when they said Love would cost us nothing.
To be specific, it cost me about thirteen hundred.
My heart is broken and this pain really hurt me don't it?
When love is chasing you just keep on running.
Love is a curse, I'm just being honest.
There's only one cure to a broken heart and I'm smoking on it.  
I get hurt and then convince myself I didn't want it.
Therapeutic shopping, Balmains cost me fifteen hundred.
They lied when they said Love was priceless.
Drugs, clothes, liquor, we spend money pretending we don't miss the people we miss.
I guess if it's forever, it's free.
But if it ends, be prepared to pay the fee.

There’s a knot in my stomach, can’t tell if if Rylee gave me the flu or I’m missing you.
Reminiscing about that perfect room.
Me seeing my mom standing next to you.
Healed things I have yet to live through.
Before I even prayed for an angel the Lord assigned me two.
Happiness is hard to find, with you I’ve found myself.
Love truly makes you blind, I don’t see no one else.
You say I’m not ugly, and that may be true.
But that’s how I feel when I stand next to you.
Have you seen you? it’s like you’re from a mystical source.
Your are my prayers in physical form.
You always drink to much but I was seriously scared last night.
But the lemons into lemonade is I realized i wanted to take care of you for the rest of my life.

For you,

We all know the best hearts are in the lost and found.

We know love isn’t free and It seems to cost in pounds.

Patience, accountability, effort, these are the dues.

This isn’t about my dream, I’m saving up for youuu.

My poems so personal but the truth so inspiring.
My career in hyper drive, baby boomers retiring.
Materials & status not important in life.
So I spend a lot of time selling better values & advice.
So many things more important than winning when any night could be our last night.
So I apologize even when I feel right.
Peace is never a loss.
Losing people is life’s most expensive cost.
Scan earth & my best friend the fastest man here.
When he vent to me sometimes I can tell he forget he a millionaire.
I stoped living to survive, constant flights to California.
Spoiling women a passion for me, praying God bless me with plenty daughters.
August 8th, bonus check net 6K, I didn’t smile that day.
Can’t say enough if you chasing happiness, money not the way.
The world has so many moments that make even rich people choke.
With no loved ones close, they realize they really broke.
My pride comes from women that love me calling me a bright spot.
Can’t wait til the day my daughters look back like “we just like Pops.“

Blvd. Pkwy. Ave. Hwy. Not the way,
Open the drain, pour them down the drain.
That’s not how I heal today.
It’s been sometime since I’ve stared at the bottom of the net, years since I put the bat away.
It used to ache every morning. It hurts no more.
Now you must go, someone needs you more.
It’s right & feels wrong.
That’s a sign that someone isn’t strong.
When you’re weak days get long.
This is just a pause until the last song.  
Watched you mature, I look at you and see my brain.
I never let my friends hang.
Anything I want to say held back by my fang.
I’m holding it together Dr. & when u return I’ll be doing the same thang.
Smile in your residence.
Only cry when It raining, wash away all the evidence.

While depth is added to my humanity, my individuality withers.

The parts of life I despise most, are just mirrors.

Our politicians only repeat what we yearn to hear.

Man correctly imagined the economy, then incorrectly imagined he could steer.

I guess, pandora boxes were never designed to be closed.

How could we with 8 billion? humans can’t be controlled.

To hate the music is to hate the consumers I love so dearly.

To run from technology is to flee from those I want near me.

I love people, breath, and life. I hate how we do It.

We all in stand in front of a mirror, unable to see through It.

I’m having having nightmares whether I’m asleep or awake. My mind is feeding me thoughts I can’t take. Cold sweats from flashbacks of wasted time I can’t have back. These things I hold eat at my soul until a new flame feels old. Now the hugs cold and I’m freezing in a emotional pain that feels so bold, so physical, so real. I stay on my toes cause some cuts don’t heel.

My poetry will change with my life.
If you're reading, journey with me & find comfort in knowing I'll never tell you the same thing twice.
A hopeless romantic but my script doesn't chase as much, I'm the catch now.
No more vivid depictions of depression envisioning happiness, I'm that now.
I'll try my best to stay grounded & genuine nobody wants to read about material and figures.
I only talk about it to show how far I've come from sleeping with my pillows hiding triggers.
I know y'all wanna hear about love but my eyes yellow like something wrong with my liver.
Scars so deep sometimes I'm afraid to admit that I miss her.  
I'll keep y'all posted as I'm reducing sins.
Not asking the Lord for more, reusing wins.
Congratulations coming from enemies, confusing friends.
Had my heart stapled away, now I'm losing pins.
They lift me up & keep me grounded look at the range in my friends.
& I know my life just changed but she might change it again.

Pain and happiness comes in waves.
Waves go up and down & that’s been the last few days.
Months, years.,
i prayed to be here, but my people aren’t with me.
& success doesn’t fill the holes left by the ones that I’m missing.
Then i find out the devil has sent cancer to take another.
3 Days after realizing i night truly love her, my friend, my brother came and said “I’ve got something to tell you.”
Back against the wall it’s either get over I­t­ and get through or add another someone else ill miss to.
i don’t want to lose anyone but I’m losing.
So much pain over the years I’m no longer bruising.
i stay calm in the face of news that devastates me.
when i think of how i would’ve reacted to things I’ve faced lately it’s like the Devil’s already ate me.
I­t­ can’t be that I’m stronger, cause rivers have turned to oceans, at night i cry longer.
Problems money can’t fix, happiness you can’t buy I­t­.
This was supposed to be a happy poem, but I’m bleeding and i can’t hide I­t­.
I’ll probably let her read this still.
i don’t want her to feel guilt, i just need to her to know how i feel.
Cause In the last week my foundation has been shook.
If i start to drown, someone has to know where to look.

I'm quiet because I want to say so much.
I feel, I mean I wish, nevermind, I might say to much.
I guess because of you I understand those songs
Those lyrics, the captions, those poems.
Now I'm the one writing, these aren't Just poems.
I'm true to you, I'm true to these words.
I'm screaming in silence, who needs words?

100 degrees in Puerto Rico.
I'm Bahamian, it isn't  to hot for me though.
I'll just say there's no end.
Because I don't know where to begin.
I win, look at my best friend, her circle's thin but custom made delicacies usually don't fit in.
I mean when I pray your name comes before mine.
I'm blessed, I'm good, I'm asking God when it's gonna be your time.
Her voice sounds like answered prayers.
Personality so capturing you want to keep her company for years.
Elevator love, up and down, we go through it.
I might have to propose one day, you deserve so much & I just don't trust anyone else to do it.
All these memories in my head that's why I talk like this.
They call me cocky, but blame my best friend that's why I walk like this.

Survived the purge, my mom locked the doors at 8pm, I had to stay in the streets.
Hated school, felt like a Burger King manager, I had to wake up to beef.
Teachers telling me I'm a failure, no one would wake up for me.
The Lord gave me GPS cause I was going down a street where the reaper was waiting for me.

Can’t live with me so they want to **** me.
I pray God save me from the friends cause I can’t be caught off guard by an enemy.
Think about it, Someone has to be close to stab you.
Guess those are the cuts we just have to laugh through.
So many times now I only smile when I bleed.
There’s always an apology followed by a “I need.”
Loneliness is safer.
Put the love under an eraser.
Put your forgiveness in a box & friendships under leases.
I’m already broken, it’s hard to hold together the pieces.

Sometimes the lights are bright even when they seem dim.
Bella killed herself & they gave speeches saying "pay attention to people and how you treat them."
She was perfectly happy, she just loved God so much she couldn't wait to meet him.
In life the dust pan doesn't always empty out exactly what you sweep in.

I only dance when I’m in my room alone.
We can afford houses, but we can’t buy homes.
Grown, living off poems and songs.
If you don’t lean on the kid inside the adult doesn’t last long.
There’s so much in life we have to see.
Government shut down, my aunt was working for free.
I chip in like I’m on the lease.
Amazed even in the darkest time she was happier than me.
no social media, no tv. I think that’s why every time I see her it’s a laugh.
The days are better when you don’t know what you don’t have.
It’s been years since we had less but sometimes I miss It.
& to cheer up I play my favorite songs & change up the lyrics.
Different places in life is a walk to remember.
Two places at once, lives change, miracles happen when opposites come together.

Must've never been cheated on, all that trusting love ****.
People lift you up to let you down, my happiness come from my own ****.
No Feels, No Feels.
Love in our generation is like taxes.
Put all that work in but what you get out never matches.
Now you're failing classes, tears on your glasses, in the club doing things to make em jealous now they've made you appear classless.
No Feel. No Feels.
If you swallow butterflies don't choke.
The world is full of crooked folks.
Stand up for the wrong person and it's simply comedy, you up there telling jokes.
No Feels No Feels.
If anybody is to ever sweep and Melt me
That Love better be a selfie.
Nobody else in the picture, excuse me, it's just me.
No Feels No Feels

Setting bars for myself & planning my own trials.

The tears flow up my cheeks pulling on my face, It’s like they make me smile.

I can have anything but not everything, I needed a smaller pile.

I thought I’d grow up but I’ve become a larger child.

People don’t think of us that much, we experience life largely alone.

Due to this realization, a lot of the pressures exist only on phones.

I have all the time, effort, and happiness I need for the surge.

After 3 millennia, a new dark wizard has finally emerged.

I have to stop giving love with the expectation of reciprocation.
I fill people up and they just let me down like precipitation.
My checks divide all type of ways & I don’t get dependent breaks.
I hope everyone knows you can’t be genuine while defending fakes.
I’ll never understand why a big heart is met with a bigger knife.
I’m constantly under attack by women so lonely they need a sister wife.
****** from someone who’s forced to invest because everyone else leaves stressed.
Selfish people who look out for themselves with advice hidden as what’s best.
If you can’t reach your goals, how could your comments reach me.
If you experienced but failing freshmen classes, what could you teach me?