Pendragon

Pendragon Mar 2017

Mhm

So many feelings all at once. Why did I open myself up, why did I let myself feel? Everything always hits at once.
It's hard to tell my heart to keep beating,
my lungs to keep breathing.
I just want that peaceful rest. Conflicting voices raging inside,
stop beating,
stop breathing.
It's so easy to let go.
Heart torn between sputtering,
and hammering. Dying out or overcompensating.

I hate this.

Pendragon Jul 2015

Drugs vs. him

Do you know how many times I've wanted to pick up the phone and let you know we still care people still care. You left you got up picked up your crap and were gone. Leaving no phone number and no forwarding address. All because you are searching for that highs caress. But when you come down all the havoc and chaos you created is still around the high is only a distraction from the things you are destroying. Like your family and the friends that only want to see you get better. The friends that are feeding in to this addiction are no better than the drugs you think your missing.

#drugs #hurt #care

Pendragon Jul 2015

The Stars

How do you stop looking at someone as if they hung the stars themselves, even after they shattered your already fragile heart.
How do you stop someone from meaning everything to you when you know that's not a thing they feel too.

How do you make sense of a broken heart that just keeps getting worse.

How do you convince yourself to get over the one who you finally let through, when you come to terms with the cold hard truth, he just used you.

Pendragon Jul 2014

Him

You come in to my life
Then just disappear.
The promises you made
I held on to for dear life.
Every time you comeback around
I want so badly to believe
The words that you say.
I have given you so many chances,
To make it right.
But you always go away.
This time will be no different
You will go away again.
I'll be left alone to pick up my pieces.
And carry on again.
I'm so stupid for letting you in.

This really ******* blows.

Pendragon Nov 2013

The Littlest Mailman

The Littlest Mailman,
It started as a conversation
With your big sister.
We were all so excited to
Hear about you.
We could barely
Contain ourselves
With the news of this miracle.
You were loved so much already.
Greatly saddened by the news today.
You were already so much to us,
A Son or daughter,
A brother or sister
A niece or nephew
Grandson or daughter.
But, sadly your heart stopped beating,
We are so sad you are leaving.
They must have needed another
Tiny angel in heaven.
We miss you already.
Grandma please hold him or her steady.
We will see you again when we are ready.

-----Aunt Tay

Not much of a poem more of a letter but I don't really care. RIP Little Mailman

Pendragon Oct 2013

?

I'm fighting this battle,
That I'm clearly
Losing.

The proof is in the
Blood that is oozing,
From my arms, stomach,
and thighs.

It's getting even harder to hide,
These demons that are coming from
Inside.

Pendragon Sep 2013

IUFD

Tons of commotion,
Followed by defining
Silence.
The door clicks open,
Followed by a slight bang.

We are already made aware
Of the situation at hand.
No one speaks,
No sound to be heard.

A few moments after
The door clicks closed,
A slight mumble can be heard.
Followed my a
Heartwrenching scream.
Loud sobs echo
Through the halls.
Many here are
Slightly teary eyed.
Another mumble,
The door clicks open again.
The door seems to bang rather loudly
This time.
Nothing compared to the
Earthshaking sobs coming from the room.
IUFD makes the loud go
Silent.
In a few moments the normal
Commotion resumes.
Tonight we will leave
With heavier hearts.
A moment of silence,
For no longer beating hearts.