PEARL SMOKE

PEARL SMOKE Jan 2018

VW prt 1

Living in doubt.
Don’t want to think “is she”.
Speculating, always Watchful .
If I leave , the fault is dependency .
Sorry baby .
Too much for me .
Been Loving long with “is she”
Can’t continue, it’s stressing me .
Mind dashing , heads pounding .
Much of my time
Is investing on nothing .
Gave you my hand
You bit off everything..
Deceiving , You lied.
Multiple times , ongoing sighs.
I love you but I can’t Nomore .
Too much for me .
Can’t live my days like these
Sorry dear, sincerely Babe

The thoughts I see.
Made up a poem as if I were him

PEARL SMOKE Jan 2018

Further

I keep looking down
Stopping right now.
Change is needed
Complaining , whining ? remembering , Hating ?
Emotions are mixing
Help is not wanted .
I got this , I’ve gone through this .
Hearts feels a bit disbelief....
Am I convincing ?
Telling truths or lies to my mind ?
Should anyone believe me ..
Am I back biting ..
I see but being deceit.
Why do I understand, repeat
Though never utilize
my own Speech .
Forgiven , forsaken

PEARL SMOKE Jan 2018

Moon

Best of Living.
Cuddling yourself in Warmth.
Feeling relaxed & Cozy .
Stress Wears off , nothing to worry.
You don’t need strength, nothing .
Best of times
Warmed and Comfy
Fluffed pillows surrounding me.
My eyes shuttering .
Thinking of you , to vision you .
Sweetest dreams ..
night & Sleep , best of living

PEARL SMOKE Jan 2018

Just A Thought

Losing hope.
What’s my life worth living for ?
I’m tired of trying to cope .
My life’s ****** both ways I turn.
**** it if he leaves he goes.
Won’t change nothing .
I’ve suffered with & without him.
I got not one thing going good .
I’m feeling more worthless As the clock moves.
I don’t mind being alone .
Ive been lonely many days before.
He’ll move on , Great for him.
Ill remain walking long.
That’s all I’ve ever done,
Take many steps to meet success.
I’ve always failed that test .
Losing hope
I’m Accepting That im no Use.
Il be broken forever if I leave him.
Though I’m always
breaking with him ..
What must I do , What’s best
Not for us , for me.
I’m suffering

PEARL SMOKE Jan 2018

Xoxo 120 Night

I promise il be ok.
Alittle Out my mind
Il find my way .
Running long , But Il escape.
Smiles & Laughs is what I crave.
Sweet touch to your lips
Tell me baby , il obey .
Show me How to find your switch.
What you like , what feels right .
How to move to set your grove .
I want only You, Between my thighs Grasping me Tight ..
Some day one day
Il find my way , Hoping soon .

PEARL SMOKE Jan 2018

Permanently there

The dope,
Does not replace You.
The smoke
Does not vanish You off too.
When high
You Are Not forgotten..
You Do not Leave my memory.
When on this drug
You are not erased.
You remain at the very center.
Sober , high ?
You never leave my Brain .

Always remember I’m not ok.
When high . I’m not feeling great.
I’m not safe , I’m not ******* happy
NEVER THINK IM LOVING THIS
I’m numb & so ******* miserable
I’m on , but Not Feeling Good.
I’m an addict, I no longer get those
Bomb feelings In my body .
IM. NOT OK IM NEVER FINE

Jan 2018

Orlando D Allen

insanity

what i am suppose to do
when every word they lead to you
even though you played me like a fool
my silly *** is still over here missing you
still waiting to hear you knock on my door
keeping hope alive it's never been this bad before
truly, i ain't been this broken laying on the floor
i lied when i said i can't take no more

cause the truth is
if i'm dancing with the devil i'll stay on beat
& i'll glorify in the fact that you're all i need
i should be ashamed that i'm in this deep
i know, but i don't care that this is insanity , come back to me

back to the places we never got to go
back to what is comfortable
back to you loving me so
back to pretending this is wonderful
you called and i acted real tough boo
fronting in like i don't miss you
back to thinking where have you been
pour it up let me drink your toxin
show me love let's put skin on skin
let's love again...

cause the truth is...
i love you still & i want us back together
at the same time i know this is an imaginary forever
& i'll live with the fact i am drowning
ring the alarm, rescue me from this insanity, come back to me

back baby...

#love #brokenheart #allinmyfeelings