You gave me back my voice that you forgot I had.  
Now you stare at me in terror
For the truth that I could speak.
You wonder if I have told them
The farce that you have always been.  
No one knows the truth that I can speak.
I keep it in
Drop truth so slightly that they don't even hear me speak.

I will speak with a voice that was stolen from me.  
Hear my voice from the ashes singing finally.

Did I give you the list to play me?
Do you really want me?
Am I the problem?
Am I forcing something?
Am I too forward?
Do you need me?
I want you
I need you
Did I give you the form to play me?
Do you care?
Is it lust?
Is it trust?
Is it me?
What could this be?
Destiny wrapped up in chaos?
Chaos as destiny?

Silence is golden
Silence is a response
Silence is needed
Silence will always be
Silence
Silence
IS
LOUD
Silence is mine
Silence is time
Silence is not timid
Silence is yours
Silence speaks

I crave a 90’s love
Spotify playlists
Shared for understanding
Walking looks in the hall
Eyes locking across the room
Wondering if you think it too
Friends before
Lovers maybe
90’s love outside a boombox
Crushing hugs you feel for days
Winks and smiles that make you giggle
No shame in the game
90’s love is quiet
Secret
New
I crave a 90’s love

Four little letters with big meanings.  
Introvert
iNtuitive
Feeling
Judging

They all add to me.  Hanging out at home but capable of extroversion.  Intuitively pick up on those emotions of the room.  Feel the value of the future and organize for everybody.

Art, music, spreadsheets and friends just to bail for home.  Thoughts and emotions, OCD and quiet.  

Understanding me in four letters

Behind the scenes.
No photos of me
It's a lonely place at times
Behind the scenes you can still see

My life shines bright in those I love
My friends see me behind the scenes

Pain, pain go away come again another day.
Pain can stay away.  
It needs no other day.  
It's taken time from me to only bring more pain.

My heart is scattered in the wind
No one tries to help.
I will eventually repair
But not as I sit here on this shelf.

I can't move forward, I think to myself.
I have this unending chain.
It reels you in with hope and promise.  
Inky in its charm and wit.
It only cuts and spits.

Pain pain go away
You need no other day.

You took my soul for many years
Gave it back to me.
Bruised
Mangled
For everyone to see.
You didn’t ask permission
You only created pain.  

I forgot what it felt like to have these words in me.  
They flow like a river that no one can take.
My bruised, broken soul calling out my name.

I think I knew that first day
I knew as I watched you work
I knew when you invited me to your house

Who knew a dress could stop you in your tracks?
A mouthed thank you was when I knew

Flinching
I knew it was time to escape
I knew it was you
I knew this would go somewhere
I knew it was you
I knew this is a problem
I wanted to create space because I knew

I knew I wanted you
I knew you wanted me
I knew we should freeze time
I knew I didn’t want to do it
I knew you from the moment we met
I knew how to read you from across the room

I knew I wanted your touch
I knew I wanted to explore your mind
I knew I wanted your body to explore mine
I knew

Everything under the sun is not new
So why do I feel new with you?
The thought of trusting in love again is terrifying
Yet here I sit wishing I could just be in the same room
Breathe next to you
Introverts in love
Quiet space without words or work
Eyes that light my soul on fire
I see you and you see me
Looking at you eating in your own bubble
You didn't see me watching
No one else noticed either
Pure quiet contentment
No thoughts in my brain watching just seeing you
It all feels new to me.
Nothing new in love
Nothing new under the sun

Music is the way we speak.  It takes us so deep.  Music is the heart of my soul.  The voice that not everyone knows.  You speak my language and its gotten to me in ways I could have never understood.  Music conversations are the only conversations we have at the moment.  Feelings in raps and ballads.  Love in a heart beat.  Stereo Hearts that play for each other but not for others.  Pain, gain, strain, love and compassion in a list of artists. Truth bombs for the shy, the introverts and the heartbroken.  The song list grows and grows.  His song, my song, OUR song.  To be heard, to be seen, to be understood is why we have a music conversation.  Music carries so much weight.  Its not a date but a conversation is our minds and speaking to our souls.  Hearts desires, words to explain wants and needs.  Makes the words flow and climb in our minds.  No touches to complete the text just another song.

Beautiful queen of hearts and pain

Intelligence like a bomb ready to be exploded on those around her

Tough cookie who no longer knows how to be soft

Caring soul that wants to be the change in the broken world

Hurt soul who just wants someone to show up for her like she is required to show up for others

Solitude is slowly killing me.
My anxiety peaks
Has fun playing me
No people around
Thoughts go round and round
Solitude is my prison
I built it myself
I worked so hard to not be hurt
I want and need to get out
No one is around to dig me out.
My mind tells me lies
Makes me cringe
Solitude is slowly killing me

I wonder if you wonder.
I wonder how you can’t care
I wonder how to explain your lack of everything and why you're never there.
Questions always to ponder
Wondering how to understand

My life is incomplete without the tiny soul here.
I wonder if you understand the loss you have
But you have no cares
I wonder if he will always wish you were here.

My peace comes from pain
It is my gain
Call my past a loser
It made who you see today
The calm is hiding a storm
Pride keeps me from unleashing
Calm stops my heart from flaming
Peace has come in the form of a quiet mouth
Peace is now in my name

Addiction is a word we use to describe a person
Can't stop drinking
Thinking
Doing dope
A group that hasn't learned to cope.

This addict loves to dish out hope.  
Dragging people along the way
They love and care for people who have no interest
In the hope they dish and only wish to serve.
The addiction wins again and again until more fall away.  
Ever hoping, praying, coping with where they went astray.  
Addiction is a word that loves to dish out hope.

I breathe every morning so I can rise and shine.  
I am pretty sure I am dying
Breathing all the while.  
How can no one see the monster that you are?
How can you live and never make a change?
I see this girl you're with and it all looks the same.  

I am no longer dying but I still breathe through pain.
I yell and cuss and call you what you are.  
Losing my breath as I do
Others do everything for you
you call yourself a man.  

Breath requires work and a bit of I can.
Strength requires breath
I breathe every morning so I can rise and shine.