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Pea Aug 2014
You smell like seafood
And even if it doesn't mean
That I cannot live without you,
The more important thing is

It actually does mean that, but
That really is not the point,
And I do not even try
To make this sounds boring

Yet I know you've yawned a hundred
Times, but despite that
You are still reading this because
Kindness has something to do

With you, in red and blue
As to be seen on my biology book
And naturally, the most important thing is
Not yet to be said.

So let's talk about smaller things
Like house that feels like bus stop
Or the songs you hummed in your sleep
Or the turtles that taste like home,

Or just come back home
Even if you had said you would
Not, I cannot possibly remember
A thing about parting.
325 · Oct 2014
You have no time to play.
Pea Oct 2014
you
are gone. i can't run
too far.
your legs are too
long. i can't
follow you
anymore.

i know you know,
i don't understand
anything
at all.

who you are,
who you were,
i have no
idea.

and who i am,
who i was,
i don't even
know.

who wrote those,
who sent those,
who read those,
it was only a
dream, dull and
gray.

our islands.

i kept thinking
we
shared a
bond.
325 · Mar 2016
Hello Practicality
Pea Mar 2016
if i had died last night,
would you blame me for an entire day
and the next day pretend i hadn't had existed at all?
that's what usually would be happening,
so when i die i try to live,
when i died i swear i tried to live.

my body is stronger than the ocean,
healthier than hospitals.
i've never felt safe in a hospital.
that building reeks of regret and i
spent my childhood breathing in its air.
you know, everything
that makes me want to die is learned.
school didn't teach me how to unlearn,

i taught myself to drown and dad me to swim.
he doesn't know swimming is a scar.
i, too, didn't
until i remember the sisters,
the classroom,
everything strange remains strange for me.
i ******* want to fit in.
don't tell me to stand out, i don't even
stand out oh god i'm ******* outcasted.

i do not fit in,
either too large or too small
i'm just a weird piece, i
can't complete your puzzle ******* i'm so sorry

i didn't mean that.
i have shoes glued to the ground.
i'd have to speak softly to them,
you are the ones that keep my feet on the ground!
but my feet know the truth,
my feet have known everything true since
the first time they were dipped
in the kindergarten pool.
i ******* want to fit in.
can you tell?
i, like this, want to ******* fit in?

ok i'm sorry i didn't mean that.
i didn't die last night and case closed.
EXHAUSTING
324 · Aug 2014
Song for Mama
Pea Aug 2014
Mama do not find us
Do we have to beg?
We won't be found
We won't come back

River often cries
For all the unheard lies
Before the trees realize
Lie is lie no matter what size

O our shoes speak nonsense
The twelve swans you buried then
Now have come back to life
But no Mama we won't

No Mama we won't be home
For so long, so long it has no end
Mama now you can be strong
We have to go on our own

Mama don't get us wrong
We have to go on our own
We won't come back
We won't be home

For so long, so long it doesn't end
Just don't forget we won't be home
Just don't regret you have that womb
Mama now you can be strong
Now you can be strong
323 · Jul 2014
home
Pea Jul 2014
a cup of hot tea
smells of jelly
pain on fingers
all i could think is bones
how my bones
and the sand
will be one
without said promise
it's enough like this
and how my bones
and the fishes
will talk to each other
how good the weather is
how salty the water is
oh, my bones will become
salted bones
glad there's no dog
down there

dive, dive
sink and drown
fill yourself with me, says sea,
feel me become ugly
embrace the agony
it's me, it's me

welcome home, says sand

it becomes warm
322 · Jul 2015
In Mid July
Pea Jul 2015
Yes, Plath, my Plath,

I can't claim you as my Plath,
Not when I want to die
Nor when I want to live.

I don't even know how to
Do my words.
They flicker. I cannot touch them.

O what time did you go to bed?
You woke up so early
In the morning.
I think I know how and why.

That is what took my right
To call you
My
Plath.

Yes, Sylvia, my earth,

Let me be your moon.
You can't burn just like that.
My golden lotus,
You were among fierce flames

All the time.
I don't even know how to

Do my words.
They flicker.
I cannot touch them.
322 · Jun 2014
sorry
Pea Jun 2014
Little by little
Quietly let the explosives out of her head
But what erected the stone
Wasn't an explosion

She wanted red cheeks
Instead of roses or lips
Pinkish breath
Instead of pale, white pills

Raisin brain
Pulled out nails, polished
Teenagers are so sweet

Left eye, right eye
Lend her some
To play, to play, to play
T-t-t-tremendous courage
322 · Oct 2016
Heaven is hell for some.
Pea Oct 2016
Sparkle, sparkle, little sparks around your body. You are
an angel. You are beaming and floating in the air.
Aren't you tired, not living but also not dying? You
have no flesh, skeleton is not your thing.
What is your favorite meal
for breakfast? How do you like your  morning coffee?
Do you play chess? What is your favorite TV show? What do you do when
it's the commercial break?
You don't even get to taste
your own tongue. You are doing
all the chores while
God has all  the
fun. Come to the ground. Come, come here.
Come down here. I can give you
the world. I can give you
my tongue.
I can give up this flesh.
Definite refusal.
Oh so detached.
321 · Jul 2015
Luna
Pea Jul 2015
//The sad sorry is wrenching my guts.
I just heard my sternum gone. Rest in peace, my girl.

//Sweet, too sweet for brown sugar.
Did you put it too much? I always have it too much.

//My moon won't wait for me to fall asleep.
She keeps falling from my eyes, leaving my body just like that.

//Just stop. Stop it. Please stop it.
Don't let me enter your thoughts.

//In the morning is the worst.
If you know what I mean, I am sorry.
I treat each of my poems just as lovingly.
That's apparently enough for us.
320 · Aug 2014
Starry- too soon
Pea Aug 2014
A mantra song I do not remember the
meaning it holds- repeated over and over-
in a lotus; no, thighs too big they become
forest, as tonight's dream swings with time,

as your tomorrow becomes my relief, as the
red star winks at the hidden moon; shy
****** curtain, laundry's cheap perfume,
underlined flaws and jellyfishes on a tiny

plate, melting candle, lavender, sweet green
tea and salted butter. Nostrils reek of *****,
bathroom break, do not be late, please wake
up early, earlier than ever. When the east

comes, let's fall asleep with the lights on,
we are not even the moon; souls do not need
sun, or vegetables, or green things growing
happily like someone's five year old- not

my parents', never- they lost the four, the
most important before a five- an incomplete
puzzle, cut neck of a giraffe, eyes black like
coffee black holes, who does not want that?

Chemical terms keep saying hello to the
tiles, count me in, let's have a drink, glasses
of sparkling mineral water. I prefer it clear.
River; never does flow- becomes a yellow

lake. Pretty pretty sands, no one is unique,
a diamond and a thousand more- a pearl, a
wounded shell, mermaid's sadness and a
knife- bubbles covered ocean; sunsets and

fireworks, a birthday, reality and a nymph
with a wing; the bells are calling us as if we
are not yet that cow, grasses greener than
green, numbers of dead things are

increasing, as heartbeats keep piling up like
the books you bought but never read- they
cry at night, especially when it is moonless
and cloudless, like tonight from the

baseball field; where the moths talk about
jealousy and sleepy handsome bats at nine
p.m.- marching chests, a lonely festival, a
ghost house; where lives begin- End.
320 · Dec 2015
Untitled
Pea Dec 2015
dancing to the sound of headache,
i needed you more than i'd anticipated.
"catch me only when i fall,"
as though falling was the only thing
about catching.
strands of hair have never bothered me so much
it starts hurting
instead of motivating me to get up,
to get up, to get up and unwreck my dress.
i fell ill.
at this point usually we laugh it off,
how temperature must've been feeling sick
of those unaffecfed.
we hit the rock as if there was no other way (there wasn't)
to fill an hourglass full enough
we wouldn't have to worry about time--

silly us--but, actually
that's what i like about
you.
"Get up. Get up and unwreck your dress, unpunish the vase of blushing peonies."
Advice on Leaving Your Own Crime Scene Gracefully - Britt Ashley

"I have given my name and my day-clothes up to the nurses."
Tulips - Sylvia Plath

"It's the cure that's hardly medical."
Six, Six, Six - Say Anything
319 · Jan 2015
Child
Pea Jan 2015
Father's the way the
Villagers did curse God, yet
Powerless we are
318 · Sep 2014
Never a poem
Pea Sep 2014
I cannot eat without a friend
and I haven't showered in days.
That is why I write, I guess.

I do not brush my teeth anymore but
when we were staying over
I brushed them two times a day.
That is how I write;
so human.

My tongue tastes stale and my scalp
feels like a bathroom rug.
I've never listened to music this much before.
I did not like sounds. Still don't.
I hope my ears would bleed so I could write about it.

Oh I only can write;
so human.

I do not read. Do not speak nor hear.
That is why I write.

There were days when I could not write.
There will be more.
More. More. I hope it's not today.

I only can write!
315 · Aug 2015
Town of Cats
Pea Aug 2015
from home to home,
i run away.

leaving behind
what i can't take.

greater than that,
i might break

pushing limits,
because, really, i've none.

just fair, the damage
won't be undone.

from home to home.
betraying trust,

collecting future
like butterflies.

growing lies
for a safe grave.

i ran away.
i forgot.
Pea Jan 2017
I am heartbroken.
My breath is lagging it seems
I can't continue
I try to be good.
Stop telling me to anything.
It's not okay.
What's my fault in wanting to fake everything until it becomes truth?
313 · Aug 2014
22:55 p.m.
Pea Aug 2014
I left my honesty
at home

and just like the nights
before, my roommate is

sleeping with her
glasses on.
311 · Aug 2015
&&&
Pea Aug 2015
&&&
I deserve some medical/neurological explanations.
Please just let me cry to sleep.
Or at least just let me cry.
Or at least just let me sleep.
Pick one, you.
I did.
I picked one. Doom.
My mistake lies in the pocket.
My mistake is written all over my face.
Bloom.
It doesn't have another meaning. I just happen & I got to end.
311 · Mar 2016
Note
Pea Mar 2016
thank you control for leaving me instead of life, should i be grateful for something that doesn't leave me even when i don't know anymore how to fight for it? at least something stays with me. though everything within is withering & i'm like a hollow shell only that i can move freely according to society. thank you society for giving me free will and free air. my lungs are tired by laughing at your jokes, now they are the jokes themselves. the only thing healthy in my body is social construction or else i can't walk in peace. i still hide when i eat. do you have anything else to say? i'm writing notes
311 · Jun 2014
Untitled
Pea Jun 2014
Lucky germs on your shoe
I must love them too
311 · Jun 2016
Please accept my apologies
Pea Jun 2016
i'm sorry i forgot to not trust you
it's my fault
i'll do you a favor
cut myself out of your life
Pea Jun 2014
So there was a time when I felt so calm I couldn't hear anything but the sound of God working. Even the angels didn't make any sound. It was so divine and the holiness melted me down along with my bed and my blanket.

Right before I closed my eyes, I saw the sun and the moon smiling to each other. It made a gentle thunder and if I could hear it, I believed it would be the sweetest music I would ever hear and I would put it on a music box so that later you could hear it too. But, trust me, (I knew that) you must hear it live. It's a must. It was so grand, (I knew) it was like a greatly underrated orchestra held in a excessively busy, ****** town.

You know, I was already half asleep when I knew the little mice were there. Their tiny legs tickled but I didn't want to move. And then I felt a cold circle pressed against my stomach. Ah. A metal bowl trapped them. It was heated later so the mice would soon panic. They struggled to run like crazy as they panicked, panicked so much they were starting to dig in my stomach. It was too hectic I couldn't even dream of you. And then they dug deeper, deeper, and deeper, but they were moving slower and slower as the guilt they felt growing bigger and bigger.

And here comes the most important part of all. If you read this, please, please tell them what I thought at the moment. I had repeated it on my mind for several times, hoped that the mice would understand, but in the worst case, please:

(Ahem.)

I know, my little friends. I know how you feel. I will let you escape. It's okay. Go on. Go ruin me and be free.

And let them know, please let them know that if I could, I would still go thinking the same as ever.
Precisely the same as ever.
308 · Nov 2014
02:57 in November
Pea Nov 2014
I am sleepy but i
Don't want to sleep
And i
Wonder

If my body is still mine.
I could listen to this song
Till the end of my life, no
Even after i die

Till the end of the world.
I wonder what my
Ears think about me
And the songs

I force them to hear.
I cannot sleep
Any more, i cannot
Have brain any longer

No, i cannot.
This song is a song
Sweet and painful
So very much like love

Only truer.
I have to sleep
In my own chest
But it broke too sharp

I might be hurt
And i wonder if
My body
Is still mine.
306 · Nov 2015
Crossing the Red Sea
Pea Nov 2015
At least I can go home if I want to. I can wash away all the earthquakes but I choose being crumbled instead. Glad you are here. You are watching me swell as I go closer to death. Is it so comfortable in my head--I think not--you do not leave me even when your body does?

This is more okay than nothing at all. I know what nothing at all means. That only means me when I am not anywhere and have nowhere to go, that only means you when you are nowhere yet everywhere but here. I am sad, too, when I had to accept that the soil, sand, sea--that all of it was you.

Was it really you, or just was the sky this blue before you left? Was it pure, or was it bitter? You sing and smoke and we talk. You smile, I stop, heart stops, flow stops, and I really have nowhere to go. If only that had tasted salty yet sweet, at least I had my own tongue. Though none of the papillae now matters.
to M.O.
305 · May 2016
jade
Pea May 2016
i'm terrib
ly sorr
y. i only hang out w
ith you
so i would be to
o drained to do
anyth
ing *"s
ill
y"
STOP ABANDONING ME
305 · Dec 2017
Obvious
Pea Dec 2017
there's this chaos inside my chest
i've been astray from peace before
tonight marks the initial
there's this space i would like to fill
this line i would like to cross

i've been building emotional dam
i couldn't care less
whether it breaks or no

all my life i've been away from light
every sorrow, each void that follows
it always feels like the first time

leave me hanging
questions i don't even know is allowed
every epiphany a shooting star
it dies so soon
so soon
the hope is intellectually hopeless

i've been trying to sing the siren's lament
my throat chokes on my vocal cord
beauty
is in the eye of the beholder
but i've got none by my side
i've got none to witness my fight
305 · Apr 2016
so blue fairy much kindness
Pea Apr 2016
my head hurts like cotton candy breath of a unicorn, beneath the rainbow in food poisoning glitter. we all talk like neighborhood fantasy, green grass and red tulips on the way to our houses, we can show our teeth to each other. let a pause take its time when sunday comes the day comes in blessings. do not fear for i am with you, forgive them for they know not what they do. mother, behold, your child. child, here is your mother. can you not? go find death before you die, conversations do not equal exchanging words, they all have to do with childhood dreams and granted wishes. which are nothing. look at my feet, they are the one closest to cinderella's only that i have calves like a horse and thighs like pumpkins. my biggest regret would be a decision if i decided to put on the label miracle, despite the raging womb of mother blows a fetus out of question. all motherhood is the same, only that i was born from a waning moon. be proud of your daughters, in a worst case scenario they probably take after you.
305 · Dec 2014
A Bit
Pea Dec 2014
They won't understand
and i'd be okay with that.
Just a bit lonely.
Human
304 · Nov 2014
Holding Hands
Pea Nov 2014
The first time i touch a boy i got a scar on my left hand and it stays there like a pale exclamation mark for about 13 years until now and i don't think it would fade or go like him after he got me bleeding and i wiped it with my white skirt and mother asked me i don't know i don't know i don't know
I used to be afraid of mother she once appeared as a monster in my dream she was so many she was so scary i could not even tell her that i was having a terrible fever i was afraid of her i swear i was
Sweating since the time i was born and it often makes me remember mother but she won't talk to me she won't talk to me any more i cannot talk to her she does not want to hear me she does not want to listen to my voice because
I remind her of her own self
That now she is trying to abandon
Knives in her stomach and my left hand is a dancer's hand i know it hurts, i know it hurts, mother
So when you bark i know you won't bite
And when you cry i'll run and pretend you aren't important to me and i will burn my airplane tickets and i won't go home i won't go home i won't go home
I wanna stay here forever
I wanna stay here forever
It's a pretty long time
I cannot stand long time
When i think of long time i think of hospital and there were you and i there were a lot of you and i and it's not only blood and cries but medicines and mri and needles oh
I cannot stand long time
Doctor, we won't come to you
We run out of time, and money, we cannot pay the taxi anymore
And when father says he will do anything
He lies

And i will not hand you a rope, mother,
Your hands are the rope
And mine are the ceiling.
303 · May 2016
support
Pea May 2016
you be the songs i
downloaded ilegally
and never listen.

do i ever have the time to?
i'm drowning in
oceans of music

i got to rip.
where would i
find your breath

or heartbeat?
when would i
know the flow in your
blood vessels?

you only give those
original tracks in
physical copy.
(re: looking for a friend)
303 · Oct 2015
Money, what does it buy?
Pea Oct 2015
I break my body not knowing my skin tearing apart has nothing to do with my shy soul. I bloat my stomach not realizing the peristaltis means what once was war still is a losing battle for both parties.

I stuff my silly mouth because she reeks of hunger and isolation. I stuff my silly mouth until my esophagus screams and emits fear blanketing the night sky.
Pea Jun 2015
(1) i have no lungs because my stomach is as large as celestial body;

(2) i have no chest, therefore i don't have heart;

(3) only the ribs make me human & sternum keeps me sane;

(4) my cheeks are too round i've always thought i had no skull;

(5) but at night i'd hear it cracking & the pieces would become acnes on my face;

(6) i have no neck, only the pain that comes from the back;

(7) kidneys sure are something else, they only hurt when it's right.
301 · Jul 2014
Freestyling Caging
Pea Jul 2014
You will never be free
from me

You will live forever
in me

You will be dead but
I will maintain your corpse
so well, with super great care
while waiting for Isa to
come back --

Well, the truth is
you have died
(too many times)
but you resurrect
again and again and
I don't mind you
tearing off the butterflies' wings
because they still can
walk
and tickle this fatty stomach

Whatever it is!
Even when you find hate in whatever
Do not worry, for you are Jesus
The Savior
You are God

You are Jesus!
You are God!

The Unnamed Woman's perfume
still lingers on your feet
and
I believe in you

I believe in you

"... Blessed are those who believe
without seeing me.
" (John 20:29)


even when I see contradictions
and injustices
even when you, when I, be
the contradictions and
the injustices --

You will never be free
from me
You will live forever
in me
Pea Jul 2014
Forcing to bleed the words
My empty veins
I wish I were more fire than the last time I took myself to the space where elephants were singing sweet summery songs and
Do you know what time is it? My watch is broken and I don't want to know how to fix it and even if I want to I would never fix it because it has the right to be broken and I respect it and the tub is full of filth I really want to bathe in it. I wish ending a sentence were easier than ending a life, but, really, there is no such thing as easy as
No, I will never say that there is no such thing as easy as loving you because I no longer do. I no longer do. I no longer do.
My brother said that I had to learn to lie, or else I would not survive in this society. He did not know that I lied a lot but this might be a lie. I just want a fever so high, a fever so high my face turns blue. I always adore the blue fire, it seems perfect. Yes. Perfect is the right word. I don't know what you were expecting when you started reading this, but whatever it was, I would disappoint you for sure. But please just keep reading. Just keep breathing here. Leave a breath, a spit is better. Do not blink when I say I love you. Because it would be a
I left the cravings and the longings at home, but the home keeps following me and it keeps following me even though I run and run and run but I always finish last among turtles. I remember I had a small turtle and I killed it. It was killed not by my hand but by its own hand but it was me who killed it. Just like the heart that is long forgotten, the dust is now one meter thick, nothing works anymore, have a nice trash bin! Zero glass is enough. I ***** as much as I breathe and that's why sunflowers are yellow and daisies don't grow on your head but dried forget me nots keep blooming and blooming and blooming and the world explode in the divinity of your love to her but this might be also a lie.
Red hibiscus and the pink ones I saw every afternoon on my way to the bus stop. I wanted to live at the chapel where I cried two times, first was forgotten and second also was, as if the rain would give you more hope, more hope, the more I hope I could just forget you.
I don't know who you are.
I am going to continue this as long as the brown of the wood stays as itself but no this is from another poem and I dont want to remember anything anymore I dont want to finish this I dont even want to start this and when you look for punctuation you end like how your mother would **** herself on your wedding day oh no that would not happen because
Mess
300 · May 2016
before i had met you
Pea May 2016
in a parallel universe
you love me
but i died
Pea Apr 2016
Wherever I go
I can't escape whoever
Resides in my head
Pray to me I'm turning into your patron saint
299 · Sep 2014
witnesses
Pea Sep 2014
Trees, you remember
my name I don't even do.

[It's not a thank you.]
You are always the same, with your wise
gazes every day. Yet emotionless. I bet you
all are taking notes.
298 · Oct 2014
Untitled
Pea Oct 2014
The night breeze is a
fever taking over your
soul drenched in sweat

She left the window
open went to shower at
three before midday

I hope she would catch
cold but i will say kind words
and feed her in bed

She left the window
open at three a.m. i
was trying to sleep

She is brushing her
teeth my knees hurt i think i'll
lose my legs as well
298 · Jun 2016
Cold
Pea Jun 2016
The heat is trying to leave me
I feel so cold
And helpless

Will you leave me too?
If I say I need you
And I want to be with you
Will you cut me off?

I don't know how strong
I can be
To step beyond the boundaries

I don't know how real
This dream is
Or is this a nightmare?
Whatever, just don't wake me up
If this can't be real

Will you push me away?
I wanted to tell you
If I could just be
With you even just for a day
I'd be okay
to L.A.
Pea Mar 2018
i will walk through your door and play it cool
i will tell you i'm hurting but you can't find where
i will cry, but words fail to explain

i swear i want to say something but shame prevents me

i will walk through your door, through mine
i will lock myself up so no one can touch me ever again
i will let shame smother me and it's alright because no one will see or hear

i want to be witnessed, at least they'll see how hard i try

i am dying here, all i let out is a cry for help
it's painful and i don't know what is wrong with me
i know something is broken within but sure it's beyond any fix

when you say i don't need you should've said you can't help me

say something but shame prevents
i want to say something but shame prevents me
297 · Oct 2016
deep red
Pea Oct 2016
my little poppy danced in a white space
circle, circle, she pirouetted on my crown
giving me headache as she always would
so beautiful she was, and i was so absorbed in awe
i stayed still, my hand was paralyzed
i stayed still, she pulled me out of my fear
she fingered my heart and shook my soul
all the poison was coming out
i gulped my tongue, i let it pour
clear yet twisted, like motherly love
we danced and danced
i should never forget last night
we danced until were drenched in deep red
sore is my body from all the hype she made
Happy birthday, Sylvia.
296 · Nov 2014
Be God
Pea Nov 2014
I am the way my
Mother breaks; I am the way
She talks to Father.
296 · Aug 2016
Sand castle
Pea Aug 2016
my fingers are innocent
my palms radical
you, take my hand
like the best of teachers
295 · Dec 2014
Crap
Pea Dec 2014
1/

That thumb, much uglier than other thumbs, is purple and dull. It reminds me of your mother's right arm. Young and bruised. Your father really liked her skin that way.

At night, they had *** like there would be no other day. Your father rough like a rock and your mother weak like an ant. It was more like marital ****. One thing they discussed in a healthy way; they hid future in a grey safety box to forget the passcode.

When they were trying to **** each other you only could grow and grow.

You are a tree living in a big city. You have no friend to talk to and your brother begins to think that you were born silent. With so much happening inside my root? i heard you breathed. I hear you breathe. I hear you breathe. Please stop.

Or don't. If you stop, i die. If i die, you stop. Or we could become a bird and live near a steel factory. There are so much different ways to die. Why would we choose one?

You wanted to choose three. It was raining hard and you wanted to choose three.

You told me before. You had older brother like skyscraper. Another like asphalt. They did not live at a same place, but soon, they would eat the great wall and become a white china vase. Jesus would break them and mary would not find out. Joseph would have had killed her before.

2/

Hey, i think i know adam. I think he was fishing and drinking from the toilet bowl while the teacher was explaining how babies are delivered. You could not help but imagine your skin down there being cut. Like a film. First take.

You had no action. You were a bark, poor and dead. No one loved you until you pretend you are god.

Actually you are. God.

Actually they do not love you, god. Actually they are afraid of you, god. They think you care about them, god.

3/

Oh god. You don't, do you?

You don't, do you?
294 · Jul 2014
heart
Pea Jul 2014
ii.

my heart stops
at the bus stop
it is a jam
that has no end
other than of the world
294 · Jan 2016
nope. Nope
Pea Jan 2016
God- aren't you
tired
pretending to be something you
are not?* she whispers in a quiet
voice, popping the air, gently, like
soap bubbles. "You churn
my stomach
everytime I try to talk."
She thinks it's quite unfair
because she feels the same way.
You are trying
to change the subject
into something it wasn't.

"No, I
am not. Everything
has been the same from
the very first beginning."
Now, now, now look at you.
Look at what you've been. Look at you!

she cries, maybe
a little too loud for someone who's been so
close
to anything airtight.
The other person sighs.
(If sighs have color, this one'd be pale gray,
with no transparency in it.)
"I have been like this
all this time
from the very
first, the very
first
beginning."
Of course she has no idea
when the hell was that.
There's no concept of such
in her head, in her life,
if that's what you say to address a being.
I'm tired.
"You said it." I did.
She did?! Her eyes widen. Her face reddens.
The other person can hear her heartbeats.
I am not! I am not! I'm! I'm! I'm not!
"Pretending to be something you are not?"
That's not what she was saying.
That's not what I was saying-
Yeah, I mean, no. Not like that.

"You haven't changed."
She did. You just don't know.
"Nope. Not even a bit."
She blushes.
You knew.
The other person.
The other person smiles,
"I did." The other
person
did.
"How wild it was, to let it be." -Cheryl Strayed
293 · Jun 2014
Poetry Is A Joke
Pea Jun 2014
Poetry is a joke
thrown to a cold and stale, small audience
in a theater with filthy curtains
and fishy red seats

No one knows that they are
supposed to laugh

No one cries
Neither one chatters
No one blinks nor sees
They are all silent and blind and dead and
We keep telling jokes they would never hear
*Over and over and over again
291 · Sep 2014
Sharp things are sins
Pea Sep 2014
My eye of storm; she
had taken my storm away even
before I was born.

Hot bath, food poisoning and sour breath;
I made it all
up inside my head.
How did you do it?
290 · Dec 2015
La lune
Pea Dec 2015
Can't you sleep
when the
sky crumbles

Tender, heavy, that
is happiness for
you. A nocturne

lies upon your
soul, moth which wings
clear as cakes of the

clown. Can't
you
sleep when

the
earth breaks for
your

body, light
and
swollen

is a girl
shining shy
Poured down the ground
290 · Feb 2019
Stomachache
Pea Feb 2019
my body is a hole
that is yet to be
carved
out
into your eyes i want to be ****** in
your palms and my sharp edges
can i make you bleed
can i make a mold for you
out of
my pain, my pain, my pain
i'm completely in
covered in flesh
come be my adipose
i'll empty you
out
skin be poked
from within
and giggles, bleak dimples
moon-eyed
the face is the outer space
dark. suffocating.
a graveyard of dead stars.
can we be bigger than what we are
can we suddenly stop to appear
hide
it's rampage
everywhere
i'm melting coming back frozen contaminated.
there's no fixing it
289 · Nov 2014
Soft Daymares
Pea Nov 2014
I will spend my life
wondering if fourth level
is high enough. Quick.
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