My daily routine consists of me
Hiding and telling lies
It's hard to ignore what I've held inside
It's hard to go outside
The world spins
And I'm spinning
Hoping for new beginnings
But still holding on to the past
The memories
Are all I have
And that's not enough
Anymore.

I still do check
If you've written something
I'm happy you do.

I used to check
If you had written
A poem
Almost everyday
Now I expect
That you are smitten
alone
And far away
I used to let
The clovers and crimson
Postpone
My decay
But now that I've slept
On nails of riddance
I'm not home
Anywhere I stay.

I remember
The little things the most
How it felt
When you were close
And how it was when you were far
I always wanted to be there
I never wanted to be apart.

The silence cuts pretty deep
And I know you were right
For me
I'm sad you had to leave
And I miss you everyday
I'm not okay
And I know you aren't either
And it's killing me.

How frail can one heart get
When lies masquerade without warning
We lost our love because of a story
Maybe we loved too much
But the hurt we both shared
Left an impact deep enough
For the days to breed more pain
Maybe it was the silence of our dismay
Or the choices we chose to make
Or the thoughts that wouldn't go away
Or the heart that needed to break.

I don't think I've wanted to hold you
As much as I did that night
Every kiss stained with black lipstick
Was our beautiful mess
When we reminisced about the past
I heard you laugh and I knew
There was more to our story
This moment was not our last
And when I saw the time and said it was getting late I had a feeling that you wanted to stay
And when I looked down as I rested my head on yours I knew nothing had changed.

I want you now
Just as I did before
The glass that shattered
Did cut my soul
But my shadowy figure is dead
Just as it was before
You make it better
And I wonder where you are
Please come back
And heal my scars.

I feel alone,
Alone like I used to feel
Constantly asking if it will ever end,
It did before
So maybe again
But I don't know what to do
Because I don't fully understand
I still hope I run into you
Just like we did before
And I would look across
And find your eyes
But also find the floor,
I'm not as strong as you think
Sometimes I think I loved you more
And when you said you lost some love
It seemed like you were falling short,
If I still gave you everything
Who then would I be?
Sometimes I think
You would lose even more love
The longer you were with me...

And that's why I had to leave.

I guess this is what it feels like to barely breathe
Waking up just to go back to sleep
I guess now I'm a fiend
I get so high off dimethyltryptamine
You'll only find me in my dreams.

My mind drifts
Into
Uncharted waters
Suicide borders
I'm the death you crave
But the life you hate.

If you can't love yourself
How am I supposed to love your doubt,
You have so many beautiful qualities
And it's madness that you push aside
All of these
Lovely things
That you have.

Is life just on pause
Or has it all stopped
Am I just a ghost
Searching for us
Or am I still here
Just forever lost
My heart still beats
But that's not enough.

Treading this lifeless body
Through earthly endeavours
Dreading what I'll learn next,
Burning the pages of yesterday
And spawning new ideals
Instilled in me by my failures,
I am what I am
And I'm not what I thought
And what I was?
I wish I forgot.

I just know
That if I ever needed
Bright eyes
I'd be by your side
Because
You like
What I like
And I like
What you like.

My bones belonged to you
And you alone
I tried and died
Again alone.

I wish it all could have been easy
But there's no such thing
You were my world
My love and my pain,
Just know that we tried,
And tried
Over and over again
And if I could go back
I promise
I wouldn't change a thing.
You will be my something special
Forever
In memories.

I want you to stay
But I also want you to leave
You said it was better for you
It was better for me
But how can I see
When love is blind
I can only walk through walls
When you're by my side.

When life gets hard
Moments tend
To starve
And when love
Should flourish
We pretend to sleep
In the silence,
But the stones we walk on
Still prepare themselves
Just as we imagined
And your image
Was all I could witness
When I closed my eyes.