I watch it flow
Off of my arm
Onto the floor
Or onto me

I watch it flow
As it mesmorizes me
And drowns out
The memories

Its beautifully red
Sweetly warm
And bitterly tasting

It soothes me deep within
Like no other person or thing
Could possibly match

It may be bad for me physically
But mentally its soothing

It calms me
Soothes my mind
And soothes my soul

But

I want to drown in it

I want to make sure there's enough
To make a pool
A puddle
Or to drain me
From within

I wanna be stained crimson
As I fade away
From this house
Where safety
Never existed

I lay in bed
And I fade away
Into thoughts
And memories

I lay in bed
As I drown
From within
Hoping that maybe I'll be pulled back
And be free from this reality

Drowning
Falling
Floating
Fleeing
Gone

I float on the maybes
Hoping they become solid

Floating makes me tired
I just want to lay down
On the ground
And rest

I drown in all the things
That fall through
And are no longer true

I drown in all the things
That you did
And that I did to you

I'm falling away
From reality
But I'm not even sure
If I even want to stay

I'm full now
Full of broken promises
And the lies people tell
Too full to take another bite

I'm wishing to be gone
To float away
Up into space
Where I can just be
In peace

I just wanna be fully safe
100%
Just for one day

But you want your support
From a *******
Just like before

You ignore how I feel
Because you wanna believe
Everythings fine
And that I'm happy

But if you really cared about
ME
You'd make him go away
You'd make him
LEAVE

I just want to be able to sleep
But you already chose
A *******
Over me

Soon you'll no longer be mom
If you keep
Choosing them
And ignoring me

I'm just another broken soul
Drifting through life
On one last piece of hope

I grasp onto that one last piece
As it pulls me along
And drags me forward
Even when I can't walk

It drags me along
And bruises and breaks
As it goes along
Dragging me across every bump
And every surface

I'm drifting away
From this place
Drifting away
From the space
That I occupy

I've got one last piece of hope
But its leaving me
Bleeding and broke
As I drift away from

Reality

Can I please
Just eacape reality for a day
As I lay on the floor
Drowning in music
And every memory of before

Let me escape reality
As I bleed out
Behind a closed door
And fade away

Let me escape reality
As I burn myself
And stare at the flame
Mesmorized by how I made it
Through the day

Let me escape reality
As I bite myself
As I have no other way
To feel the pain

I want to fade away
From reality

I want to watch the blood
Drip down my arm
My thigh
Or any other place
Shy of view

I want to watch the flame
As it turns my skin white
And burns the thoughts away

I want to watch the bruise
Form on my skin
When I bite myself
And it splits apart from within

When I harm myself in many ways
I can escape reality

When I watch the blood
It mesmerizes me
With the way it flows

When I feel the burn
It soothes me deep within
As the only thing I can think of
Is now the pain
And not the painful
Memories

When I bite myself
My thoughts numb and dissappear
As I dissociate
From reality

Music isn't loud enough anymore
I can't write enough poems
Your cuddles make me insecure
And drawing is too much effort for me to cope

Nik
Drown me in the memory
Of your touch
On my body

Drown me in the memory
Of when it was a yes
Not a no

Drown me in the memory
Of being high
In your arms
With lovely kisses

Because I don't wanna drown
In the memories I have

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
Your arm around my neck
And your leg between mine
Forcing submission
Without permission

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
My nails digging into
The back of your hand
Doing anything I can
To remove it from behind

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
The emotionless expression
And lack of remorse
When you look at me as I lay
Hitting myself and screaming
Mentally in too much pain
As you never even said
"I'm sorry"

Monster
Drown me in the memory
Of when you were gone
And I was free to just
Be me

Drown me in the memory
Of all days I was away
At a friends place
Or camping peacefully

Drown me in the memory
Of when all you did was yell
And hit me
But never said you love me

Because I don't wanna drown
In the memories I have

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
All the nights I lay awake in wait
Waiting for you to come in
And use me as you please

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
All the times I'd avoid the shower
Because when I didn't
You had to come with

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
All the times you'd ask me
To come watch a movie
Because that wasn't all it was

Zeke
Drown me in the thought
Of meeting you again
And being happy
That you know me

Drown me in the thought
Of the movie theater
And hoping no one sees
As you mess around with me

Drown me in the thought
Of sneaking glances
And passionate kisses
Full of love

Because I don't wanna drown
In the memories I have

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
My no's going unheard
And never noticed
As I push you back

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
The pain as you forced your way
Inside of me
Into places I never wanted you to be

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
When I told you what happened
And all you said was
I'm sorry but that was a long time ago
And I never even heard you

To everyone else
Who ever touched me
When I never said yes
And even said no

LEAVE MY MEMORY
And please
Just let me
Live in peace

Alone
At 3AM
Under a bridge
Contemplating what life
Means to me

Alone
At 3AM
Under a bridge
Wondering why
It always has to be
ME

Alone
At 3AM
Laying on a swing
Wondering why
I cant just eat

Alone
At 3AM
Laying on a swing
Just thinking why
Did he have to touch
ME

Alone
At 3AM
Under a bridge
Hoping that you
Can make me feel

Alone
At 3AM
Hoping one day
You say you love
ME

ALONE
In my thoughts
Getting dragged down
And drowned

Why cant I eat?
Why cant I imagine anyone wanting me?
Why cant I sleep?
Why cant I stop thinking about what they did to me?

I want to fade away
Dissappear at 3AM
Somewhere far away
Somewhere I dont have to be