In reality
I'm alright
Theres a smile on my face
I say "I'm okay"
You see a person
Whose happy
And positive

Metaphorically
The I'm alright screams help
The smile says save me
The I'm okay really says "see the truth"
I'm not a person anymore
I'm my own monster
I'm sad
And broken

In reality
I'm pretty
Beautiful
And cute
You see someone whose thin
You see someone with nice hair
You see someone with beautiful eyes
You see someone whose looks seem flawless

Metaphorically
I'm ugly
Unattractive
And unappealing
I see someone whose overweight
I see someone whose hair needs to be changed alot to look okay
I look in my eyes and all I see is my demons
I look at my self and all I see is scars
The visible
And invisible

In reality
My mom seems happy
My dad is not as bad
My brother is nicer
My dog is less afraid
I have friends
I'm mentally alright
Theres nothing but the dark at night

Metaphorically
My moms not alright
My dad is worse and gradually becoming more comfortable around me
My brother is always putting up an act
My dog is oblivious
My friends are the shadows
My mentality is destroying itself
And theres monsters that lurk in the night

This is my metaphorical actuality
Because
The metaphors are the reality
And the reality is my metaphor

You broke me
Beyond repair
Beyond help

Because now my heart isn't just shattered
But also torn
And fractured
If its even there at all

You took my trust
Then threw it to the wolves

You took my love
Then through it into flames

You took my fear
And magnified it

You took my pain
And watered it whole

You broke me
Beyond repair

Theres a key to a room in a place I call home
Or a more fitting name
House

There's a key to a room
And that room is mine

I do not live alone
I am not old enough
I live with my parents
And my brother
And a pet
Although
I wish to have two

So why is there a key to your room?

Well because
You see

Once upon a time ago
My own father
Stole my soul

Roses
They are
Simple
Yet abstract

Black
The colour of death
Of pain
But also of mystery
Yet rare to find a rose
Of such a colour

Red
The colour of love
But the colour of blood
And anger
Oh so common
But what does it mean
That these are in correlation
To one another

White
The colour of peace
The colour of emptiness
Of
Nothing
So
Is peace only reachable
By being empty?

Pink
The colour of playful
Of innocent
Yet also of the weak
What could this mean?

Blue
The colour of calmness
Yet also of sad
So is your sadness calming?
Or is the calming feeling sad?

Let me go
Set me free

I'm tired
Of me
Of others
Of everything

I'm tired of being woken up by yelling
It's damaging my soul
And taking away my sanity

I'm tired of not getting any trust
It makes me feel as if all I do is wrong
And it's making me restrain all that is me

I'm tired of craving touch
All it ever does is remind me of the thing's he's done
And it's stealing my innocence over
And over
Again
And again
Day in and day out

Let me be
Set me free
Stop everything from continuing to
Damage me

Questions here

Questions there

Questions in my head

Questions in my heart

Questions tearing me apart

About john

Then Paxton

Then others

John
Why don't you love me?
Why dont you want me?
Have I ever hurt you?
Am I too much?
Do you like them?
Why do you wanna do stuff with me?
Are you moving on?

Paxton
Will you always love me?
Are you losing feelings?
Why do you talk about others so much now?
Am I too clingy?
Am I too jealous?
Are you lying?
Why are you less honest?

To the others
Did you ever like me?
Why don't you ever talk to me anymore?
Now that I've left am I just a memory?
Do you see me or just my broken?
Am I a person or a scar and a cut?
Why don't you notice?

To myself
Why do you do this?
Why can't I eat?
Why can't I feel?
Why do I switch?
Why do I smile when I cry inside?
Why am I always pretending?
Why do I love so easily?
Whats wrong with me?
Leave me be

Will you leave me like the others?
Thats whats going through my mind

But
I dont want to lose you
Like I lost them

Because you treat me right
You dont just throw me to the side
And give me attention when its convenient for you

You dont want me for my body and you tell me no when I need to hear it
Even if I dont want to

But this all scares me
And today
I let it slip
And I told you the truth
I told you I love you

I didnt want to
Not because I dont want to love you
Because I do
You're a better person than alot

But
Now that I've told you
The urge to push tou away is much stronger
Because what if I get attached again?
What if I become completely infatuated?
But then you leave?

And that thought is scaring me