When I die
I don't want to be buried.
Set my physical body ablaze
the same way my soul
will be burning in hell,
carry me to the top
of the highest cliff overlooking the ocean
so I can see the breeze ruffling
the fabric of your sunshine dress.
And then you'll sit beside me one last time
and whisper you're deepest darkest secrets,
your fears, your dreams,
because you know I no longer have a mouth
to tell anyone these things.
Tell me of the places we never went,
the sights we'd never see,
those memories so bittersweet,
and finally, when the sun sets
and the time feels right,
pop open my lid,
set me free,
watch me fly
the same way I flew off that bridge
some summer nights ago
when the wind was in my head.
I'll relay my regrets
as I fall towards the frothing waves
and the gaping jaws of the rocks below,
the black, murky depths
and the hands of Satan
reaching out to greet me,
the dying light of your sunshine dress
the last thing that I see.

I'm afraid of letting you down,
my voice is sore, my hands are shaking
and my thoughts are screaming  way too loud.
I've tried so hard, I tried my best
and now I'm being put to the test.
Hours of practice just to make you proud,
but what if I let you down?

I drag through every day
with invisible cement blocks
strapped to my feet.
I let nobody in,
nobody sees,
nobody knows my struggle
except for me.
I've kept up a smile
through these tears for years
because I know
the world won't stop revolving
just because I'm depressed.
It keeps on spinning  
through suicide attempts every second
and climate change,
and world wars.
No, the world won't stop revolving for anybody,
it's every man for himself
in this dog-eat-dog world.

My heart leapt to touch yours
when you looked at me with those eyes ,
with understanding,
and though we just met,
and I don't know you just yet,
I feel like I've made a friend.

I crush spiders
Instead of taking them outside.
If they break into my house,
then they deserve to die :)

I can't wait to be older,
I can't wait for my skin to wrinkle,
to have lines etched into my face
like an old tree who's seen too many seasons,
proof to anyone who lays their eyes on me
that I lived a life of laughter,
and genuine smiles that make
my eyes constantly crinkle around the edges.
I can't wait to gain all the weight
after having kids who will have their own kids
who will extend the limbs of my family tree
and be there to one day take care of me
the same as I did for them,
no, I can't wait to be older
and live a life of love.

Freedom is such a beautiful thing
that makes you feel weightless,
like you're on top of the world,
like you can control the constellations.
And why can we feel freedom?
Because you can't have light without darkness
or happiness without sadness,
we all know what it's like
to be chained down,
a slave to society,
to the cards we've been dealt if life.
Lately I've been stuck in a cell
screaming to be free,
fiending to feel weightless again,
willing to do anything to take off these chains,
because deep down I will always be
a slave to freedom.