You never leave my dreams
no matter where you are
when I'm awake.
I always see you're smiling face
or your brow furrowed in anger
when my dreams are in danger
of turning into a nightmare.
But I'm never scared
because you're always there.
Even if it's just for a split second,
a wave my way
instantly puts my mind at ease
like a baby being rocked to sleep.
But now you're no longer there...
I'm aware that, in reality, you never cared,
but in my dreams, it seemed,
with each hug and hasty shout,
that I was all you ever cared about.
But now even that version of you is gone too,
slowly being replaced by her
even though many months felt like a blur.
I've realized she's the girl I love
and that I have nothing to be ashamed of,
but I still want to cry myself to sleep
even though you'll no longer be
in my dreams to comfort me...
A poem that took me days to write and it's still a complete mess. I thought if I just kept staring at it I'd be able to fix it but that's not the case. I have this feeling and experience that I just am incapable of explaining for the first time in my life...