And I dreamt of you-
in a way that meant desire
And I had just thought, too,
Why is it always men in those faded visions?
or rather, boys, because who doesn’t want a common thrill?

You got your hair colored
I have to remind myself not to occupy my time with endless thoughts of you
I almost wished that you were aware.
It’s almost a thrill how bad I cannot have you.

When I doubt myself, I remind myself,
how could it be a phase-
just curiosity-
When that same honey-colored flame
hasn’t died fully
coming up on a year?

Your hands in my hair was a thrill
oddly intimate and difficult to place
Now you’re not even around.
“You and I shouldn’t feel like
a crime.”

Lea, you
shared your all with me
I knew your mind, heart, insides
I wish I’d known your body
My mind wandered
when we talked about nothing in my car
last summer
I think yours did too
You told your friends about our possi
bility..

Lea you
led me on and I liked it
Played that song in the car and the chemistry was tangible
Wore the tightest top you owned
And invited me everywhere
We laid down together
and my mind whirled
I think you knew
exactly what you did to me, kitten
with a string.

Lea you
Were one of the first to know about me
I’d liked another before you
But you were my real first
And once you led my heart astray
You said I’m sorry, and went away
My sister told me you and I
were better gal-pals than girlfriends
I can’t help but think of you still,
Sometimes.