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Acora Apr 21
which one is the room of
             an ordinary girl with
                   ordinary problems.
Acora Jul 2020
Lea, you
shared your all with me
I knew your mind, heart, insides
I wish I’d known your body
My mind wandered
when we talked about nothing in my car
last summer
I think yours did too
You told your friends about our possi

Lea you
led me on and I liked it
Played that song in the car and the chemistry was tangible
Wore the tightest top you owned
And invited me everywhere
We laid down together
and my mind whirled
I think you knew
exactly what you did to me, kitten
with a string.

Lea you
Were one of the first to know about me
I’d liked another before you
But you were my real first
And once you led my heart astray
You said I’m sorry, and went away
My sister told me you and I
were better gal-pals than girlfriends
I can’t help but think of you still,
Alba suaveolens, or white rose-- for wistfulness and secrets.
Acora Mar 2021
for you
You feel like sunshine at twilight
and I can’t wait to spend our twilight—
but I’m too small to burn,
Too young to think about when the sun sets,
Just tall enough to love you,
just bright enough to know what that means.
It was all yellow,
but let’s not be precise
for I’ve just learned to speak my mind—
But you see who I am,
the past couldn’t hold a candle to you in my present,
And your face glows with an energy I
want to soak in forever.
Forever is not for us, now,
though our parents chose forever at nineteen and have felt thirty moons go by.
Is this the harsh blush of youth,
or is this real light we warm ourselves by?
You feel it,
I know it,
But you shan’t tell anyone else of how I
for you.
Acora Jul 2020
in a way that meant desire
And I had just thought, too,
Why is it always men in those faded visions?
or rather, boys, because who doesn’t want a common thrill?

You got your hair colored
I have to remind myself not to occupy my time with endless thoughts of you
I almost wished that you were aware.
It’s almost a thrill how bad I cannot have you.

When I doubt myself, I remind myself,
how could it be a phase-
just curiosity-
When that same honey-colored flame
hasn’t died fully
coming up on a year?

Your hands in my hair was a thrill
oddly intimate and difficult to place
Now you’re not even around.
“You and I shouldn’t feel like
a crime.”
Acora Apr 21
in this present moment
made her inaccessibility
so much worse than the
      rejections of the past.
Acora Sep 2020
and that catches me,
caught in the snares of awe and empathy,
plus sweet summer associations.
If misery welcomes company,
we’d enough misery to
warrant one another’s company for a million years.
Acora Sep 2020
Women leave me
wondering intently
though I should leave a
small and short brief-moment
to remain musing.
Better slow than hasty
but she’s looking really tasty
and my heart’s all in.
A guys just not the same but
still my heart’s all in.
I’ve tried, is it
simply still too early?
Is it my youth,
are men acquired taste?
Girls make my heart skip a beat
but who’s to say that’s where I meet,
atop that certain label
simply “I’m not it”
Something explain it all away.
Acora Aug 2020
Venture to try her out
But venture tamped
I feel a little trapped
in what I, for myself, created-
I look straight and I’m private,
I’m Catholic and I’m quiet,
even my sister won’t acknowledge that I love women.
We’ll attend to that eventually.
Bellis perennis, or daisy, the flower of innocence, and of new beginnings.

Drafted in October of last year- I’m pleased to say I have attended to it and come out all the better for it.
Acora Jul 2020
Tethered, you held onto me,
flame you heated in me-
subtly feeding me
more and more hope.
Today the game has died
your mouth would open wide
gaping in stark disgust-
when someone thought love was us.

Twenty-nine poems too much-
outside, I had quit after “no”-
but inside, a fledgling hope
kept fighting on.
A wish for us did survive
and the Universe urges me,
“Let that want fall asleep;”
“Please just let go.”
Coriander-- dreams of fantasy.
Acora Nov 2020
The lure of her bed is
much different than mine.
I never knew another’s bed in which I’d spend time.
One a cradle, a soothing mess of pillows in the dark.
One thirteen miles away and a hundred worlds apart.
I collapse into mine when I feel my life dim.
Hers I snuggle into for the light and anticipation.
I’ve never experienced such dopamine from somebody’s touch;
The excitement of my own fingers wasn’t excitement, but dull lust...
Dianthus caryophyllus-- sweet and lovely.
Acora Sep 2020
somehow the only
stories worth telling
are reliances on someone
to *****
Digitalis, or foxglove... Insecurity.

The media chooses not to use other, more common teenage emotion in the stories they write of us.
Acora Dec 2021
I feel her perception as
you compliment my form
New shirt, new bra
Her admiration’s one I’ve never worn
I bask in your gaze and your hands on
my *** but when
she looks at me
a shroud’s what I ask—
I want to be wrapped tight
in you and in cotton
Her respect is divine,
consideration unforgotten—
But even doing this Right
feels wrong and unfair.
To me and her both.
That longing impairs.
Acora Jul 2020
I cannot simply quit a crush
that isn’t how it works.
But a part of me wants to forget it
because that means I can forget her.
I think it’s there, but buried deep-
myself I’ve been denying.
And I told her, once, I was over her
She likely thought me lying.

I decide “emotion’s up to me”,
not Out of my control,
and so far as I have let me be
Will be as far as I will go.
Acora Oct 2020
The ones who bless me with their gaze,
For you it’s the way that I dress,
  5’6 and femme, and tall, but tame-

                             For me it’s the jawline
                 Strong chin, and cheekbones high,
                          For you it’s sugar-sweetness,
                  Tender affection to make you cry-

  for me it’s the span of hands
that will grip me hard and fast,
For you it’s flirty pictures
   and the freckles on my ***-

                      And for both of us it’s softness,
              girlhood manifest in different ways,
                    The genuine awe of one another
                          Authentic breathy praise...
to my girl
Acora Nov 2020
The way I love a woman is
so much less
Than what straight girls mean to endure-
being lead on is common I’m sure-
And she never fooled me,
She never used me,
Never did her silence spur anxiety-
I readily guided her fingers
deep inside of me- Where
Boys would lean above you, ***** in power, see- there
Hurt you as they *******, and always them to please-
Dear, your pleasure is mine and
you’re the cause of mine and
I know you’ll treat me different; better
than what I thought could be fine.
I’ll make you finish and upon me
you’ll dine.
Women-love-women love is superior,
Acora Sep 2020
If dreams be brief and solemn-sweet
content is in my making.
If dreams be drawn and rip’ed rife
more mood is for the taking.
I’s fine for week till suddenly
dreams crash upon my brow.
Awakening in my running heart
that life is just a sound.
or the nobody I’ve found.
Or all I fail to do.
Or who I want and cannot have.
In a gentle way, I shake my world
inside me when nothing’s really ******-up
Conflict is in my default settings
so I revert once the battery’s
used up.
Anxiety and insecurity in one’s ****** orientation make youth’s normal dating and socializing a different beast.
Acora Oct 2020
Taking her in...
It’s the way she looks at me with adoration,
It’s the mouth that tilts up with a smile,
It’s those eyes;
her heavy lids- just sweetness, and
lips parted slightly for a while-
It’s the way she’s sculpted marble,
but warm and real in my hands;
It’s the toned biceps and hips and chest,
blending beautifully into round ******* and thighs;
It’s the way she makes me feel so wanted,
yet safe and giddy and shy
It’s her quiet giggle but harsh love-threats,
it’s her optimism that turns to desire;
She’s tender and oh-so-beautiful,
face alight with golden fire-
And when that sweetness trembles, she’s got me flustered too,
I want to touch her slowly,
but also allow her to watch me reduce...
Helianthus-- adoration.

intimacy with my beautiful
Acora Sep 2020
And very much not you.
Acora Aug 2020
As soon as ruby lips met mine;
Contrast this opposite my own fair time
with him
I’d rather she be here. But pieces of
decision come hidden under frail silk
and I remain in bed instead of up
Acora Mar 2021
You were a poem I always wrote
You were aflame and I felt bad
She was a future yet unknown
“Us” was in view but not to have.
I didn’t know Her, nor myself
but I knew you, and then I was irrelevant.
It felt like a breakup
but up-close
I don’t know you and I
don’t know what we had.
title from Arlo Parks’ “Eugene”
Acora Sep 2020
you wanted peaceable company.
I wanted flame and someone to love.
Acora Sep 2020
She was a shadow
Changing shape into
women I know–
and it was less about
body language, and more
about wanting
And I leaned in gently,
and she, regretful, told me–
And I had made
one of those senseless
Katherine and
Gracie, know that
I’m sorry,
is this how I turn out?
She’s a friend, she’s
“not into it” and I
the guilt of it.
A dream I had

Moonflower, for dreaming of love.
Acora Sep 2020
Do I want a girl,
and the mind’s eye says it
could be you?
Perhaps it’s what we had,
and the legitimate possibility
of the lovely new?
Acora Oct 2020
Taking her in is a wonderful thing
No longer does peace rhyme
with my suffering-
Today it’s rational fears;
A test, eating well-
Going off to college and
dying off to hell-
Now peace is my room in the morning light
It’s Baroque chords and high marks and
skirts tight-
It’s comfort, and people,
And especially her,
It’s her bold mouth and walking hand in hand
The same hands under her shirt-
And finally do I know what life’s meant to mean.
And finally do I realize peace does not rhyme with
Recovering pessimist.
mentally in such a better place !

Iris xiphium for hope.
Acora Jul 2020
baby girl,
and you took it in stride-
You’re a friend.
What comes next cannot be mine.
And I want to confess,
pull you close,
chest to chest,
and yes I want to talk but that’s all we do.
You’re not into the type of sweet little thing that I miss,
And I miss last summer when you gently flirted
with me
I miss the way you would glance
like I have been
I’m preoccupied, babe, take your time-
I’m not right.
When you said no, it was in six different shades.
Acora Sep 2020
Some days I think I possess
inside my body
unlimited possibility
While others I wish for nothing more than to discard it and move up, and away.
Acora Oct 2020
I want her in a bad way
to be pressed together, tight
Flustered and enamored and feeling the time is right-
I want to love her body
and grip her tight to me-
I want her to be rocketing
to hear her moan..
Or lay there with her and simply be.
I want to see contentment in those pretty light-colored eyes
Acora Oct 2020
seen in his-
Taken a bit off guard but
as it is-
Respectfully, she’s got respect but
can read a room-
Respectfully, he never made me feel desired,
love still as tombs-
She caught a moment in time,
looking straight into mine-
She got a briefest,
and butterflies-
And this is how I know I want her more than I wanted him:
I wanted him companionate, but
I’d let her rail me in an instant.
to her
Acora Mar 2021
I am about to
get to know you in summer.
We fell in love in October,
and nourished our bond under blankets
during a cloudy winter.
But I'm about to get to know you
in summer.
We'll change again, and again,
and again.
I hope we never tire like the seasons.
I hope we change
until we go home to the father.
Acora Sep 2020
Open-mouthed kisses
may turn it up
They weren’t blisses
but rather, corrupt
I needed ending
And that’s what I got
You needed something
So to you, good luck.
Lilium bulbiferum
any other sapphic women experienced little to no attraction to a guy they were emotionally invested in? just me? ok.
Acora Sep 2020
My God
knows Love is all I seek-
Not a life of ***, hedonism,
lust, gambling, and parties-
I do want kids,
to be a wife,
To give back in some way-
To be an aid in someone’s life
and live by what He says-
So what if I’m the wife of a woman?
If our kid’s DNA’s half ours?
I don’t think He discriminates-
Pursue what’s good;
That’s what He asks.
The Church associates homosexuality with promiscuity, selfishness, plus lack of virtue and therefore fulfillment... I refuse to do one or the other. I will love women and love God.

The Lilium candidum, or Madonna lily, symbolizes Christian divinity.
Acora Sep 2020
Acora Oct 2020
Today I fill my stomach
With happiness and greed
I use you and you use me
But not just for the means
I’m here because I want to be,
Because you asked me, kind;
I savor your lips on my lips because
you asked if I would mind;
The way the empty cavity
within my chest is now close to bursting,
You destroy me and distract me,
somehow without the pain and hurting.
Apple blossom, or the flower of fresh joy, optimism, and even new beginnings

She teases me but it’s a welcome sensation
Acora Jul 2020
And I want to bare all
but everything’s diluted to me
The words in her pages are
sad but carefree
and I don’t know why it cannot
be that way for me...

I admit to myself I want women,
And I want her world to stop giving me ideas about mine.
And I soak in her story like a glass of fine wine.
I want girls, but this
is not where I can be.
This life as I am is not discarded easily.
title from the novel by emily n danforth
Acora Apr 21
and i amongst debris
remind myself so needlessly
      of who we used to be
beginnings when you’d visit and then
stay for Halloween
      but now you’re in my roommate’s room
and we don’t even speak
is it naïve of me to hope i am not losing you?
Acora Jul 2020
the ****** intimacy of two people;
me and Her, and Her and me.
I don’t yet know her face, but it’s
always a “her”
and I don’t know what to do with that information.
Acora Oct 2020
Speaking but for weeks
yet your voice has me enthralled;
Take it day by day
but my days nearly belong to you;
You’re a vision of loveliness but could break me in half;
5’2 and petite but fierce and masc;
Strong but sweet,
you make my heart stop
Certain but blushing
and my heart restarts-
I couldn’t explain how fast I would kiss you;
Yet I have a feeling I would just as quickly comfort you-
It’s irrational how tightly you already hold me in your grasp.
Like variegated tulip

What made your beautiful eyes.
Acora Sep 2020
Your face lights up when you
see me in the hall
It’s such a feeling-
I confess to you, but only halfway
when I murmur, “liking girls
is all I can think about these days.”
And from you, it’s “awhh”
just like when I told you that
“I want you”
That was seven months ago
I’ve such an uncertainty.
Narcissus pseudonarcissus, or daffodil, the flower of unrequited love...
Acora Apr 2021
The way I expressed it didn’t fully
Make sense to my dearest
Who only likes men.
I’ve never prescribed to the scrutiny
Eyes of jocks eyeing us as they do ****.
I used to see red as a fad that
had past and a warning that I’m
Not desired;
Nor will be, no matter my try.
But I’m realizing now,
Want is deeper than thou who have
wanted me only in theory.
Fruity or trans, and the girlfriend
I have, each is queer and there’s something more in it:
Queers see women the same way
they view art pieces;
So I’ve always been Venus and Ophelia,
The Laddy of Shallot— not some
acquiescent cool-girl
who’ll answer your questions of
***** hair and fair children.
Where a woman I knew
sees a woman as through
some man’s eyes focused on her *******—
I cut a fringe for the change,
And remain soft in shape
For these are a lover’s desires:
Wear your identity on your sleeve,
In the curve of your arm, on the scent of your hair and upon the pendant at your neck.
Like the romantics do in literature;
After de-centering men,
You can finally be free.
Inspired by the monologue found at
Nelumbo nucifera, or lotus flower— liberation from attachment.
Acora Oct 2020
will turn to “Now”
and the way we can be-
hand in hand through town, or playing footsie
under the table
Strong hands, soft lips,
feminine and able-
Smiling with teeth and teasing
Hands on waists and watching her, existing,
being her whole self
And so lovely.
Acora Aug 2020
the nature of shame...
“I CHOOSE TO FEEL” should be
emblazoned across my chest
like a badge of honor
reclaimed from the badge
of shame it was
intended for.
White peony, or the flower of shame...

Somehow I’m simultaneously Hester Prynne and a modern woman who wants to get her ******* pierced.
Acora Sep 2020
I’ll call you “love”
so quick and bright
with a smile-
Don’t mean
you’ll stay
but just that “hey,
you’re someone I enjoy.”

And mention you might I
don’t see me as cute
in the way
one looks at a child-
Try as I might
I do take “no” as an answer
Let’s just speak to one another
and I’ll be content.
Acora Apr 21
to verbally abuse me until I worked
but voice has died and
she I mourn
as I sit here unfeeling
any urgency for what must get done.
Acora Jul 2020
Subtle desperation is grimmer
than snow.
Wanting is gayer when wanting’s not broke.

And maybe I’d fall out of practice
Lull before even begun-
Fester in my own private scrutiny,
but at least I’m not longing for you.
At least I’m not chasing
the boys I’d never wanted to.
At least mine is a secret cradled,
nurtured, unknown, and safe.
Primula sieboldii, or the flower of desperation.
Acora Jul 2020
Unemboldened resolve
whispers wantings
to me
Now I hold back desire
held by blindness and inexperience
If I had any chance
I would ask, I’d confess-
Yet you
and I
end here.
I won’t trespass, and you ought not to know
how I want you.
White cherry blossom, or wistfulness...
Acora Aug 2020
his lips on my skin...
Today I feel I want it all-
tomorrow I’ll want nothing.
And surrendering, at this point,
feels much harder than fighting.
I’ll continue
with his lips on my skin
but still; I want
girls, girls, and someone new to love.
written in December of last year
Buttercups, for his childishness.
Acora Sep 2020
Soft arms,
eyes, and curves,
for bellies and for little ribs,
and thighs and voices higher up,
and the comfort she gives me.
And the excitement of the experience.
And warm lips, round cheeks,
a gentle touch,
and confiding in someone who understands
a bit more.
I love you but it’s hard to fare.
Sonchus oleraceus, or sow thistle, for intimately confiding in someone.

I love it when women
Acora Mar 2021
must dedicate myself to you
Somehow, by staying mine,
Sustaining that which you have loved,
instead of unbalancing us.
I'd never want your lips gone,
or the shine that's in your eyes,
so I'll upkeep my quiet side,
the shimmer in my hair,
to give you me as I still am--
your person while I'm mine.
The false spiraea represents dedication and patience for a loved one.
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