be careful poets
sometimes a love poem can turn into a ******
or a burlap bag of puppies at the bottom of a lake
sometimes a love poem can wrap its fingers around your throat and squeeze until you can’t speak
be careful I say

it can happen
especially if you’re out of practice

you like to look
it makes me feel an unexpected way
I never felt before you
I like it

sometimes a but can haunt you
it appears
disappears
but
but
but

just spit it out
you weak *******

sorry
I tend to be ******* myself
at times

when we choose the apples
instead of the oranges
do the oranges shout—
it’s your loss!!
no, because oranges can’t talk
but also
we didn’t want the oranges!
it’s true we may get less vitamin C
but perhaps
what we really needed
was fiber

I care about you so much
I want you so bad
so so much
so so bad
so so so so much
so so so so bad
et cetera

smooth, pink, and iridescent
like fresh water pearls
sparkling sweetly
they’ve never been so pretty
my toes

the landscape is especially sparkly today
so many sparkles entered my body
it’s like fireworks in here

feeling spectacularly alienated
and being spectacularly different
are not the same thing

tiny red swirls erupt slowly from the soil
very lascivious and naughty
I’ll keep my eye on them
sneaky spreading succulents

the square knot is simple
yet easily misunderstood
I admire it’s elegant symmetry
and strength
it is very reliable and can even be
quite unconventional
despite the misleading name

I caught squirrel teenagers!
adorable hooligans
crashing about my attic
their mom has been giving me the stink eye for days
from the porch, the roof line, the lawn chairs
ever since I blocked her entrance
and their exit
so I was very pleased with myself this morning
when I released two rascals into the garden
she watched sternly from above
Look! I shouted up at her, fanning my arms wide
Your babies!!
they skittered away full of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
she screeched at me a bit
and bounded off
I had the disappointing sense
I was not redeemed

legions of watchers from multiple dimensions are in love with me
I am a star
with planets, moons, asteroids, meteors, and
stardust
orbiting my light

I don’t need to be gazing always at the sky
though the stars inspire my dreams
they are desolately distant, and space is cold
their stories and movements are outside the span of my life
I could be content staring at the ground instead
bury myself in soil and seasons
the blooming of flowers is lovely and tangible
and happens in a day  
they wrap my heart in joy and color
under the warmth of the sun

I do love both
but perhaps I should get my head out of the clouds
and focus on what I can touch in front of me now

I have no moving thoughts
only polish for statues

unsympathetic

the earth will consume our hubris
and every part of us attached to it

I write some of my favorite stuff in the shower
thinking of you
there’s more emotional space in there somehow
and more happy
naked, wet, warm, clean, steamy happy

the wolf edges along the unstable *****
slipping
which way did alpha go?
she howls

you’re right, though
I don’t plan on going anywhere now
he’s gone from my dreams
and you’re a faceless monster
I’ll stick it out with the carpenter
as long as I can

if you are waiting for him to move
I will wait also, to think of you again
I will dim the lights, the desires
turn my heartbeat low
slip into a limbo slumber
put my brain on ice

when he leaves
I will poke my head out of this hidey hole
to see if you are there
or in Germany, still

we’re all surrounded constantly by things we don’t know or understand
there’s nothing at all you can do
except keep going
pretending you do

stories are leaping off the shelves
they are starting for themselves
they are starting happy

good morning love
the days are expanding into chapters of a joyful life
I’m one of those foolishly optimistic narrators
who knows there will be a happy ending
you are my favorite character

I am talking to you in this strange way
my tongue has become like a typewriter
it is apparently an outdated technology

there is a thin steely streak
an unrelenting
unforgiving
unsympathetic
streak
it’s usually reserved for herself
but you found it
it’s not your fault
it’s just how she’s built
it’s like the rebar
holding the foundation together

I imagine him suffering over me
it’s indulgent, I know
he’s not
but it makes me feel love
and sympathy and forgiveness
and human

and I can’t imagine you
at all

it’s too dangerous
for my mind
and my skin

you are always one step ahead of me
as I chase you across the night

on my home planet
for every shadow
if I had a penny—
I’d have many

— why are you so squirmy?
— because when I get hugged and kissed I get super super happy, and I like squirming around

he called, texted, left messages
no response
but the ad is still up!!
at this rate I’ll have to wait till his dad dies
so he can buy something on auction
you might think, the man’s in his 80’s
it can’t be long
but he’s bat **** crazy
and thinks he’s going to live to 140
and knowing bat **** crazy like I do
the ******* probably will

there was love
as it were
as much as was available
which sometimes wasn’t much
but a man in a desert can rejoice over a teaspoon of water

what is so fine
as a grape on the vine
or so succulent
a bite on the neck

if tonight you were mine
I would show you, my dear
and blow your composure
to heck

my head is laughing
my heart is screaming in terror
my other parts have gone for a swim

it’s fun to look
and swipe
I don’t think I can do much more
I’m not ready to be seen
by someone new

frustration rips through me
I let it pass
I’m watching it pass
like a race car on a desert track
leaving a temporary cloud of swirling dust
the sun is still warm on my back

I met Neal in my early 20’s
he was a professional musician
who I managed to impress with my musical taste.
We talked about the past life we shared in France
I was a young catholic priest
who died of bubonic plague
laying in my own open coffin, waiting to be closed,
in the dark basement arches of a French cathedral.
I knew him as a young woman
who lived in the countryside with her father.
Though my dying thoughts were of her
standing on the hill in front of their cottage,
the karmic association was fleeting.

I was not attracted to Neal,
though he looked very much like you.
We only kissed good night once.
But sometimes our eternities swirl
around the same vortices,
patterns we barely notice
coincidences, surely
...and yet

I’m still haunted by the knots
this was a bad idea
makes it harder to forget
I thought I could untangle them
but he’s too much a part of it
pathways burned in my brain
you resonate together
a chord of surreal notes
his face, your words, my heart
tangled

the waves are crashing
I am a happy pleaser
the season is glorious
I am a beautiful brain teaser

that was such a great day
we had a picnic on the dock and laid around holding hands
we laughed so hard telling stories
when the sun was setting he kissed me in the waning light
the moon was a pale wafer in the sky
we said sweet things and held each other close
our bodies fit together like long lost puzzle pieces
our hearts softened with relief and devotion
we made a love only found by dreamers and fools

I cannot reach past my skin today
my self stays inside the safe beautiful place
today I am the flower
not the gardener

it’s hard to trust and respect people
intimately
when you are a little bit brilliant
I understand why one might chose a pigeon

you are the perfect addition to my life
I can’t tell you how pleased I am
my mind is just flipping
with contentment
these nights
they go by so smoothly
with you in them
thank you bourbon

thank you for everything you took
thank you for everything you gave
thank you for everything

I think it’s funny
how you pretend there’s a thing you can do
like there are different actions you could take
that would make a difference
like you have choices
that just
that kills me

remember that morning?
I was wearing pajamas, an old sweatshirt
mismatched hat
I hadn’t brushed my hair
when I saw you
I threw my arms around you gleefully

that’s really all you ever needed to know
about me

I remember the first time I caught you in a lie
I asked you out
you said you were “wicked sick”
I happened to be driving right by your house
and saw you drive away
I thought, well, it’s POSSIBLE he’s going to the store
to get medicine, but I knew
yup, that’s me

I was not made for this reality
they tried a cross over from a different one
to like, mix it up a bit
that’s my excuse

what’s yours?

... 27, 28, 29, 30!
calming,
an odd fact is that when I count for calming
I never start at 1
I just find the voice in my mind randomly starting
...15, 16, 17, 18...
and then I’ll hit some equally random number
and be done (!)
it’s a strange awareness
it just stops and starts
independent of my conscious intention
never more than a dozen or so numbers in a sequence

I love them though
I love their perfect discretion
the orderly sublime geometry of them
they are predictable and mysterious
clever and elementary
crass and sophisticated

numbers are also very passionate
they combine to make **** formulas and equations
they are not discriminatory
they’ll multiply, exponentially even,
with unknown variables of any persuasion
you think you know a lot of positions?
you got nothin’ on numbers

numbers give you the freedom to fly
or the safety and grounding of gravity
if you need it
you can always count on numbers
they make the best relationships