stop freaking out
nothing is changed except everything
which is no big deal
also, I still love you and you should come
bravely
for a visit

I am a flower in the rain
drooping with fat drops rolling off my petals
I know the water will make me bigger
stronger
but for now
I keep my head down and weather the storm
wait for the sun
wait for the sun
wait for the sun

I am becoming more alone
the boundary of myself
regaining definition
its been
a long time

barkety barkety!
get off my property!

(repeat)

remember that morning?
I was wearing pajamas, an old sweatshirt
mismatched hat
I hadn’t brushed my hair
when I saw you
I threw my arms around you gleefully

that’s really all you ever needed to know
about me

I used to love your ears
you have big goofy ears
I suppose they match my weird smile
and strange face
but none of that matters now

I am electric all around
like Pikachu
cute and yellow

once you’ve been cut down
I’m not sure it’s true
you’ll come back bigger
and stronger
I’m not sure
wiser, maybe
(more cynical?)
but stronger?
I don’t know

you’ll persist
this is all I know
so far
you’ll persist

I’d like if you could face the breakfast
and the music
it would be a great show

my heart still hurts
it’s hurt for a long time though
nothing ever changed
so I had to
I deserve love

it was very warm in my bed last night
someone must have turned up the heat

or maybe it was these
                                     thick
                                              blankets
                                                            of snow

I lamented the stain on my heart
without trying to remove it
when I finally did
it came right off

one person’s breakfast menu
is another person’s ****

the poor guy still up in my attic  
needs to understand
he can be free
all his dreams of reunion can come true
he just needs to go into the scary place
first
just for a few minutes
ok maybe an hour or two
but then he can be free
forever
it’s not a trap
it’s the only way out

my fortune cookie told me to unfurl my fantasies
that’s like telling a person stranded in the middle of the ocean they should go for a swim

I saw a guy go by on his motorcycle
with his ******* the back
and I thought—
no, I felt—
I felt sad

as punctuation goes
there’s something intimate
about a period
so much wrapped in that little orb
endings to the left
beginnings to the right
a tiny dense anchor
between two thoughts
holding them together
keeping them apart
it has a big job
the period
I bet sometimes
it doesn’t know where it belongs

do you want to know something
I find outrageously funny
while culturally very different
Christians and Muslims are historically and philosophically
neighbors
like
you couldn’t get much closer
to the exact same belief system
so get along people
get over the colors of yourselves
you’re not so long lost siblings

I loved Frankenstein
but he sailed into the sunset on a flimsy dingy
I hope he makes it
to whichever fairytale he’s headed next

I would like to crawl into your bed
I would be
whichever spoon you want
or
we could fork

though it was a good price
it did not have the right dimensions
so I didn’t buy it

panic?
conscience?
counterinsurgency?
immune system?
parasites?
epileptic?
diabetic?
killer bees?
shark?
zombie?
... aliens?

how are the drones working?
has the technology improved?
I’ve been staying away from windows

I’m afraid of the dark
I have nightmares and I see things
things everywhere when I wake up
twisting moving pulsing shifting
shapes in space
I can feel them too
can almost make them out
I try not to look too close
I don’t want to see
I’m scared

there is a lot more
great, cheap *** in the world today
but for the really good stuff
you still have to pay

I’m just gonna say it
I hate the subway
it’s hot, stinky, and *****
there’s too many people
but you can’t stare at them cause that’s rude
so you just have to stare at the walls
while crammed into a tin can shooting way too noisy and fast through the dark subterranean landscape
while disconcerting looking people roam from car to car
imploring you somewhat incoherently for money or attention or food
or some scrap of human connection
which is literally and existentially the most  terrifying aspect of the whole experience

as an urban planner by profession
I worry
this makes me an egregious hypocrite
though perhaps it’s just the gross density of humanity to which I object

I did, after all, enjoy the bus,
the train, and the walking walking walking
walking walking walking
walking walking

a weakness takes over me
and I am crushed
unable to breathe or speak or move
the heart breaks
alone
the spirit races in darkness
unable to find a finish line
eyes close
world disappears
I disappear

just make the best of it
he said
I’ve been trying ever since

the musk this evening
mixed with the dark cherry overtones
of smoke
I could fall in love with myself
if I wasn’t me

I appreciate this moment
what do I live for?
this moment
this magnifying
tiny
moment

I thought feelings were shared that were not
I thought experiences were shared that were not
I believed many things that were not true
I suppose I’m in good company there

what if this is all there is
in life
in love
what if everything else
is just lies you tell yourself
or lies other people tell you
best stay put

an audience of one is enough
to call it poetry
if its one you love

I feel very two dimensional tonight
what’s the point of three dimensions when nothing is real?
it seems very decadent and unnecessary
we are spoiled gods
squandering the wealth of our space time continuum

the words are calming me
each word is a recycle bin
I’m taking out the trash

Live in the looping moment of balance!

                                Share the bliss of fingertips!

           Open hidden passages!

                                                      ­  Bring love!

sometimes, I have no skin
just raw
nerve, muscle, sinew, tendon
a flayed meat avatar
slick and red
wearing only
a nameless burning agony
calmed, satisfied, abated
somehow
through pain, and more pain
until subject and object dissociate
—I am not that
I am this other thing
this safe, perfect other thing
and she carries on
like a snake with a new skin
glistening, young, smooth
supple, wet

desire tightens it’s grip
around my body in the dark
pain whispers a vulnerable plea
please
don’t stop

my plants are in their containers
trying to pull themselves out
having gotten impatient with my relaxing Sunday morning routine
—we’ve been here since yesterday morning!!
they shout, leaves and roots all antsy-ing about
—put us in the ground Now!!

and I, slave to my garden,
set down my tea,
and dutifully comply

the summer shower is already past
and the sun is trying to come out
I know there is a rainbow out there somewhere
in the sky
or your window
or my heart

the words were like a chainmail
plain and uniform and impenetrable

why didn’t you ever want more?
I don’t understand
is this really all you wanted?
really?
were you loving someone else?
was someone else loving you?
did I meet some obscure niche in your life?
these are rhetorical questions
a reflection of my bafflement
despite our storied past
I am not a disturbed person
I think you know this
maybe that’s how you know it never would have worked
I’m a healthy person
I won’t accept your half measures
you have whole measures, you do
that you choose not to share
somewhere inside you is a real thing
and I have loved it
every bit of you I have loved

but that real thing, you
maybe give him a chance too

I’m full of whimsy and imaginary friends
we are dancing and smiling and feeling good
we are holding hands and feeling safe
we are making the life until the life is made

I wish you were here
we’d hold hands on the bus
snuggle on the train
wander aimlessly through the museums, streets, and parks of New York
we’d share a bed
we’d share fancy drinks
we’d scream at the stage
more! more! more!
we’d make years of memories in a day
and come back to our sleepy town
in the end
more in love than ever

I am paralyzed by my lack of subtlety
I don’t want to break the china

you may think I love Game of Thrones
but I’ve never seen it
my dragons and castles are very different

where did all the people come from?
they are concentrating in this time
like an evolutionary blood clot
I wonder who is picking the scab
and if we are healing

to understand where something begins and ends
you need to understand object permanence
but that's what a lot of people are missing

my drug of choice
is the sound of your voice
talk to me

I want to tug your head back by the hair
touch you, slowly, everywhere
kiss your lovely patient face
find every sensitive ticklish place
fill you with anticipation and joy
become your favorite vice and toy
I want to live inside your gentle arms
surprise you daily with sneaky charms
be your love, your passion, your girl
dance innocently with you forever
our hearts will sway and shake and twirl