there’s something wrong with my phone
a weird broken light
I need to send it away to be fixed
some people would go crazy over this
but I don’t mind
I have the kind of resolve that comes from
years
of unreasonable discipline

at times I feel very convinced
by my convictions
other times I just feel
convicted

my drug of choice
is the sound of your voice
talk to me

the earth will consume our hubris
and every part of us attached to it

scientists are the real gurus of poetry
a scientist came up with the term
“transient luminous event”
as a technical term

that person is my new muse

my heart still hurts
it’s hurt for a long time though
nothing ever changed
so I had to
I deserve love

It’s nice to no longer feel that I owe you
But I could’ve afforded so much more

if your kingdom is built on fairytales
you had better be a princess

when we finally came together
a tornado of fire appeared in the sky
it came for us

I want to give my dangerous innocence
to your eyes
twist your desire
to my darkness
turn you into my favorite monster
and let you off your leash

I’ve experienced so much love and tenderness
in my life
my heart often feels bursting with gratitude
for all the loves
so much so
that I sometimes wonder if I’m not dying
because it feels like the culmination of something

but maybe that’s just the deepening intensity
of life

I pull up the covers
turn down the light
and hold the poems gently
through the lonely dream filled night

I thought feelings were shared that were not
I thought experiences were shared that were not
I believed many things that were not true
I suppose I’m in good company there

just make the best of it
he said
I’ve been trying ever since

all the hellos and goodbyes
boil down to a rainy Sunday
with piano music
and hot chocolate

I couldn’t even talk to him at the end
my brain frozen in fog
couldn’t look at him
or myself
now we just look away
it’s fine

we’re all surrounded constantly by things we don’t know or understand
there’s nothing at all you can do
except keep going
pretending you do

I’m afraid of the dark
I have nightmares and I see things
things everywhere when I wake up
twisting moving pulsing shifting
shapes in space
I can feel them too
can almost make them out
I try not to look too close
I don’t want to see
I’m scared

I appreciate this moment
what do I live for?
this moment
this magnifying
tiny
moment

a dead silence
grinds the nerves
into long strings of tendon
holding together nightmares

my mind conjures the sound
of Sweeney Todd
making sausage

a very unstable astrological arrangement is afoot
it’s a good thing
he locks the doors now

humanity is making its way
doggedly
up the ***** of Maslow’s hierarchy

the rain has come for me
to say all the things I no longer can

I would like to be alone forever today
would you like to join me?

when your guard is always up
you can’t enjoy the revelry brought by
fun loving bandits

life is recursive
much like my poetry

it’s a beautiful night here
but the moon doesn’t know it
he can’t see behind the thick curtain
and he won’t come out tonight
we miss you moon
you’re the only thing missing
from this star crossed
Sisyphean night

my heart reflects the world
it is pouring

I want to feel good
to be free of insecurity and despair
but some days
it’s very easy to be knocked off my post
and I need a bit of a boost
to get back up

where did all the people come from?
they are concentrating in this time
like an evolutionary blood clot
I wonder who is picking the scab
and if we are healing

I like your pretty new car
I wish it didn’t take you so far
away
everyday I wish on a star
that you would stay close in my har
t

feline curl
in the crook of your arm
relaxed
in the blind feral faith
that she is the one

please
tell me
what is poetry

what happened to your gentle love
what happened to her innocence
you see the faces
meant for you

as far as I can see
the only reality
is you
avoiding me

indefinitely

I fell further and further down
it’s like I thought
maybe I’ll come out the other side
or find a vein of gold
so I kept slipping
deeper and deeper into the shaft
but when I finally gave up
clinging to some narrow ledge
looking down
looking up
I realized all I had left
was a really long climb

I’m basically out now
though still staring
like Ahab
into the empty hole

I’m a sieve
I feel everyone
her, him, you, him, her
it’s hard to parse
which one is me
am I one?

a kayak
no, two kayaks (you need one too)
my school loans paid off
Celtic knot amethyst earrings
a red Honda Shadow 750
the back bedroom remodeled with cathedral ceilings
a back deck with hot tub
a romantic weekend in a cabin by the ocean
wireless earbuds with phenomenal base

I’m sorry but this is kind of easy and
I’m just getting started...

my dog does not know
what the vacuum cleaner is
but he understands
it is a terrifying
dangerous
machine
and he is ready
to protect me
when the time comes

do not put dead fish on your dating profile
no one likes that
unless you’re doing it ironically
then you must make that very clear
also, keep your clothes on
I don’t even know you
sincerely,
**** single lady you are not dating

the mesosphere, it seems, is a mystery
and it’s been right there beneath our noses
well, the noses of our satellites at least
the poor mesosphere
the middle child of atmospheric investigation
it’s not that we don’t care, middle child
we really really do
it’s just, you’re so **** hard to read!
I wonder what the corresponding metaphoric mental state is
could there be a layer of my consciousness
hiding there in plain site
and I just don’t have the technical expertise to probe it?
I bet there is
I bet it’s where the aliens are

whatever you overindulged in
over the past 4 days
we forgive you
please don’t **** us

I’m just gonna say it
I hate the subway
it’s hot, stinky, and *****
there’s too many people
but you can’t stare at them cause that’s rude
so you just have to stare at the walls
while crammed into a tin can shooting way too noisy and fast through the dark subterranean landscape
while disconcerting looking people roam from car to car
imploring you somewhat incoherently for money or attention or food
or some scrap of human connection
which is literally and existentially the most  terrifying aspect of the whole experience

as an urban planner by profession
I worry
this makes me an egregious hypocrite
though perhaps it’s just the gross density of humanity to which I object

I did, after all, enjoy the bus,
the train, and the walking walking walking
walking walking walking
walking walking

I am a tunnel between sunrise and sunset
life breezes through me
time stands still inside me
I am invisible to the wind
I am invisible to myself

I wish you were here
we’d hold hands on the bus
snuggle on the train
wander aimlessly through the museums, streets, and parks of New York
we’d share a bed
we’d share fancy drinks
we’d scream at the stage
more! more! more!
we’d make years of memories in a day
and come back to our sleepy town
in the end
more in love than ever

I don’t need to say anything
You don’t need to say anything
That’s how it is now

I traced your lines so many times
you are engraved in my brain
I’m just not sure what the message is

well, we’re done
Germany
Germany
Germany
I’ll let you know
if I’m ever that side of the pond

forget, whispered the wind
and then died

forget the high road
I take the road where you can swipe a knee
if you need to keep yourself safe