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Jul 2020
High school
I was new to this love thing
Crushes were a usual thing
I never really acted on it
I was never one for relationships

Things change though
I remember when our conversations started
Not too long after, it felt like something was missing when I hadn’t heard from you

You were one to stay after school
I was one to go home
I never believed in extra mural activities but then I fell in love with someone who did

For some reason, her cellphone battery span was only enough for the school day but nothing after that

I got used to it
It became routine to get home from school knowing it would still be a few hours till I heard from you

Oh man
When you finally got home, you’d have to juggle between giving me attention, taking a shower and doing schoolwork

Our phone calls would be brief
My broke *** never had airtime like that

Those short calls were almost predicting the future of our relationship. Short but somehow, meaningful.

You were the first person to introduce me to red flags

You were my first real relationship
I’d like to believe I loved you
I guess I dived in a little too quickly, too soon
You did everything right
I had no standards
No expectations
I was along for the ride - no matter how short it turned out to be
I didn’t even know myself back then
Almost 10 years later and I still have memories of how dishonesty was a comfortable place for you

I made excuses for you
The worst part was that I made excuses to myself, for you
I betrayed myself
On multiple occasions
I vouched for you
To myself
I held you at a higher esteem than I held myself

I remember this all too well
We were in different schools
You were one of the popular girls
I was the one with the jokes
We were never meant to be

Somehow, you caught my attention
You spoke words that eased my uncertainty
I believe you loved me at some point
I just wasn’t what you were looking for
I was in the slow lane and you were in the fast lane
No matter how many gears I switched, you were always way ahead of me

You broke my heart when dishonesty became normal
You broke my heart when lies were just a part of your conversations
You broke my heart when I had no business giving it to you
It’s ironic
I had no business loving you but I never made that any of your business
Instead, I gave you the best of me and you gave me enough to keep me at bay

Moments later, you flipped your switch to a red light and I stopped. Time taught you that you had lost a gem while getting rocked to sleep at night.

When your light turned to green i was already in a different lane
It doesn’t take me long to get over you
It takes me a while to get over what you did to me
I wish we did better
I wish we never met in the capacity of a relationship

Sincerely, a now broken church kid.
Ntsika H
Written by
Ntsika H  South Africa
(South Africa)   
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