I used to choke on those words like bile
Stinging my stomach like acid on flower petals
And he was there
Eyes lit from a cigarette stolen from his father
And my favorite lighter
But I didn't even need that flame to feel so hot
Blood boiling and palms ablaze
And I've read stories of what love is supposed to feel like
A punch to the face
A bee sting on your heart
We had that
We had it in the sense that my hatred for your grin spiraled out of control every night
Was this what love was supposed to feel like?
Like pouring my soul into the dirt?
You were this dark thing I kept hidden under blankets
Failed attempts of keeping your drunken gaze off of my collarbones
Always willing to bite
Never wanting to hold me after you've taken all you need from my neck

I've told you about him
My sad excuse for a pair of hearts
And you listen
You always listen
And when I'm with you I feel so calm
Dancing under street lamps at 4 AM while I keep pushing our goodbye back further
And further
And further
Until both our eyes are deep heather and we yawn between kisses against the fence
You make me feel like I'm home
And I'll curse anyone who ever tries to tell a girl that love is something otherworldly
That she should be fighting battles constantly with her ocean boy in an attempt not to sink
With you I don't even worry I'll drown
I can breathe underwater now
Swimming lazily through your kind words
Where everyday feels like Saturday afternoons in June
I can say those words all the time now
I love you
I love you
I love you
No longer coughing on them like something caught in my throat
Never again regretting every touch you think I won't notice
Every whisper I pretend not to hear
Because in the dark he held me as if I was going to leave
I had no choice
He had seven hearts scattered in his body
Torn pieces from previous heartbreak and broken promises
And he didn't love me
He loved someone breathing next to him in case he didn't want to anymore
I was anchored to him
His constant reminder that there was someone there

You're so different I can't describe it
When you kiss me I don't even want to pull away except maybe to peek at your green eyes for just a second
You laugh at stupid things and you put so much thought into everything
Like I used to do for him with no avail
Like I do now for you
And I feel every misplaced hand needs an explanation
And the words I choke on always have stories deeper than most would associate
But everyday I am set to show you how much you mean to me

And I know one day we'll live together
Singing along to wolf howl melodies every full moon
Long walks getting lost in concrete jungles
I miss you already
And I've never missed someone so much that even an echo of your name will plummet me deeper into heartache
I don't know why I'm so distressed when I know I'll return to you
Your arms outstretched as a welcome
Your smile just as bright
And I'll melt inside at the way your nose will scrunch up when you laugh at my stupid jokes
And in the dead of night in my constant attempt to get closer to you it will hit me
Not like a ton of bricks
Not like a freight train
But like the spark of skin when it brushes up against another hand
Like not realizing that there's a ladybug on your thigh until you see it
And then it's legs are the only thing you feel
Like coming home and finally realizing what it's like to sink into someone and feel loved