tubes in my veins
taking my blood
surrounded by doctors
asking me questions

no privacy
every door is open
nothing to support
my addictions

eyes everywhere
watching my every move
telling me
what i can & can't do

being forced to eat
when i can't.
"if you gain any more weight, they will just start bullying you again,",
the voices in my head say.

i want to get out
i'm scratching at the walls
slamming doors
screaming

this isn't helping
it's making me feel worse
i can't ******* eat
why can't they ******* understand?!

i just want to go home
i want to see my friends
i want to be in the school play again
i just want to go home

let me go home
this isn't helping
they make me feel ******* insane
...
what if i am?

hey everyone!! i would like to make it stated that i am not supposed to be writing this, yet here i am. i am currently in residential treatment. i am not going to go into details because there are some things i would rather to keep private. i have my school computer so i am able to write this, but i am technically breaking the rules because they haven't approved this website yet. that is why i havent been posting. i am still writing poetry though, so when i get out (which might be in a month, 2 or 3) i will post them all  :) thank you all for your support so far and i will be back :D

They say
Girls in glass houses
Shouldn't throw stones.
So how about they leave their house
And throw a boulder?
That's what I did

Don't let people mock you through glass...

Okay,
But why do we exist?
What is the purpose of this game?
Are we being controlled
By some invisible being?
Like strings on a marionette?
Or are we all alone in this universe
Words lost in the wind?
What if we aren't even real
And this is all just a dream?
What if this whole life
We all built
Friends,
Family,
Home,
(Poetry accounts),
Is just fake
A little thing
That we made up
And one day,
We will just wake up?
And not know what to do?
We lived the while thing
And now we have to start over?

I stand up.
I was there for a long time
This fake world

What if I was right?

The water warm
The sea creatures choking
On the weight of our mistakes

The air hot and humid
The birds falling,
Unable to go on.

The land littered with plastic
The animals tumbling
On the debri we've left behind

What has earth become?
A place of scars.
Not a place
That hasn't been hurt by us.
What have we done?

My stomach rumbles
Yet I simply can't eat
People stare
Stop watching
Eyes are everywhere
I cut my wrists
I swallow pills
I slice my throat
I wrap rope around my neck
I've escaped death
So many times
But unlike other people
That makes me ashamed
Whenever im on a Rollercoaster
I want to jump off.
Whenever I see a rope
I want to hang off of it
Whenever I take my meds
I want to take them all
But for some ******* reason
It never works
Why am I even here?
I have no reason to live
I have nothing to live for
I am useless
What do I even bring to this world?
I'm sorry to the little people that will miss me.
Even they will probably get over it.
But I survived
I survived
I survived
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I don't want to be.