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7d · 14
Impermanence
No one 7d
In my hands,
I hold a long chain of silver,
Folded over itself a million times.

It shines in the light,
Like the millions of stars
Shining in a clear night sky.

The chain is long and hardy,
Not once bending or breaking
As the other pieces move.

Only us three remain,
Each trying to guide one to the other,
Until, finally, it snaps.

So, I take another piece,
This time in gold,
And try again.
The others look on, wondering how much time we have left.
Apr 8 · 253
If This Is Goodbye
No one Apr 8
I feel I have lost my voice.

As much as I want to deny it,
That emptiness still remains,
Both heart and mind broken,

Into a million tiny pieces.

I've been empty for quite some time,
As if my lungs refuse to breathe,
And my voice refuses to speak.

Is this goodbye?

I've had my fill of heartache and loss,
Of broken dreams and lost souls,
And plenty of useless days.

I'm sorry, in advance.

I don't think I'll ever be able to say
What anyone wants to hear.
That I'll keep trying to live.
What good is a voice if it constantly refuses to speak?
Mar 24 · 99
Untitled
No one Mar 24
I'm so tired of it all.

Of having to do the same thing,
Day in, day out,
No change whatsoever.

It feels as if
Every month
Keeps getting longer and longer,
Never bothering to end.

"Time is the enemy of us all", they say,
And it couldn't hold more true
Than this moment right now.

Every second lasts a decade,
And every moment, an eternity.

I want my life to change,
So maybe I'll just end it.
I'm so tired of the monotony of it all.
Feb 23 · 335
Listen
No one Feb 23
Have you ever noticed
The way that gentle touching
Of keys on a keyboard
Sound so much
Like the pitter-patter
Of rain,
And how
A single written word
Can have as many
Endless meanings
As there are
Drops of water
In the sea?
Feb 22 · 27
Unrequited
No one Feb 22
Last night I dreamed of you,
Though by now, you're long gone.

I know we could never happen,
Never in a million years.

You loved another,
And I foolishly thought...

But for a moment,
I was with you in my dreams,

With your touch so tender
And your kiss so sweet.

It brought back the ghosts of my love,
My sad, pitiful, ****** love.

And, though in waking I'd forgotten,
For a moment you were mine.
Even though I know that you never were.
Jan 23 · 24
Blame
No one Jan 23
Why do I want you
To see these cuts on my wrists,

Even though you pushed me to this point?

Why do I want you
To know what I've done,

Even though you never understand it?

Why do I want you
To explain why you hate me,

Even though you never change?

Because, actually,
I want hide away from you.

I never want to see your face,
Not after how you broke my family.

Not after you killed all the love,
And just let the word "family" fade away.
My head's in a mess, all because of you.
Jan 23 · 35
Why?
No one Jan 23
Where did my father go?

Who was kind and compassionate,
Who made his child feel loved?

Who is this standing in front of me,
Berating me over the smallest of things?

Where did you go, dad?

Who can save me from my tears,
Now that you are gone?

Why are you like this,
Screaming at your child while she cries?

When did you fade away entirely?

And, why, please tell me why,
Do I wish you'd be gone for good?

Anything seems better than this,
Because I know I've lost you already.
And yet, you still don't see the scars you've given me.
Jan 22 · 29
Demon
No one Jan 22
I have loved you.

I have died for you,
Time and time again.

So much death,
All to satisfy your appetite.

With every death I become weaker,
Each new life further tinged with regret.

I remember the last one,
When I was so much wiser than I am now.

Because, truly,
I'm just a child,

Who knows nothing of what's to come,
Of nothing that it will grow to be.

No idea of the demons,
No idea of you.

Every time I step away,
I start a new life, away from you.

As I grow older, I become younger,
More naive and closed to the world.

You never knew me at my best,
But you have seen me at my worst.
So, again, I will try to walk away from you. This time, for sure.
Jan 16 · 51
Gone
No one Jan 16
And before she knew it,
Her family was broken.

Her father, tired from working,
Dark shadows draining his face.

Sticking with her mother,
Only because he loved her.

Although the girl was beginning to doubt
That what they called love wasn't love at all,

But a means to an end,
A way to maintain a broken family.

The mother, always weary,
Desperately clinging to hope.

The hope that, for long enough,
She has known to be false.

They both at their daughter,
The old scars still there.

They realize their dreams through her,
Seeing a broken illusion of success.

They stare at her with those pleading eyes,
Refusing to see that she is beginning to *****.
Please don't do this to me. I can't take it anymore.
Jan 6 · 25
Hello?
No one Jan 6
Even now, one needs to go through ****
For even the slightest social interaction.

Guess that's why it's called "hello".

But it's just some spell,
I'm sure of it.

It's not like I face this every day.

No, indeed,
I am DEFINITELY

Not falling to pieces as we speak.

"I'm fine."

Because, seeing your face...
I remember all the god times,

Not wonder what I did wrong,
What we did wrong.

I swear to you,
I HONESTLY couldn't care less.

You don't love Me,
You never did.

"I don't love you," either.

Why should I?

Why should I cry over You,
Every Night and Every Day?

Why can't I just learn to be...
alone?
Dec 2018 · 22
Redemption
No one Dec 2018
I've been looking through my memories,
Trying to recover that tenderness
That was somehow stolen from me.

All my life I've been a saint,
You'll think I'm lying.
Of course I am.

In reality, I'm a demon.
No-one has ever been able to look at me
And tell me otherwise.

So where did that love go?
In a hundred years, even a thousand,
Would anything ever change?

So, I ask of you,
Of anyone willing to hear;
Should I keep on searching?
Or is all hope lost for me?
Dec 2018 · 43
Well
No one Dec 2018
For a while now,
I've been thinking
Of what is to come.

I haven't been scared.

I can now say that
I accept my death,
That I will die.

But is that a good thing?

I have sacrificed
In order to live,
In order to die.

Should I be afraid?

For a while now, I've known.
My body growing sicker
With each passing day.

My mind dying with it.

I have already faced
The problems of age,
Even when I already know

That they've just begun.

My final question;
When I take my last breath,
When I am thrown into the ground,

Will you still remember me?
Or will I forever be the ghost that haunts your dreams?
Dec 2018 · 166
Me
No one Dec 2018
Me
Why does it always have to be my fault?
No matter what it takes, I won't give you the satisfaction of seeing my tears.
Dec 2018 · 57
Away
No one Dec 2018
Is that horrible silence
The only part of you that I can remember?

I tried, but...
I don't think it's for the best.

Staying with you-
All I ever wanted.

You gave me everything.
But it was all a lie.

I told you I loved you.
You never did the same.

Every day, every night.
I thought about you.

That we loved each other,
That we could be together.

I truly believed.
For a few, short moments.
Dec 2018 · 33
Blame
No one Dec 2018
I pour my heart and soul out,
Into you

My one and only guiding light,
My hopes and dreams residing.

Here, I suppose,
I am no longer bound.

Or at least, it was a fantasy,
One which I'd hoped you'd fulfill.

I needed you, then.

I poured my heart and soul out,
Hoping you'd accept

All the little flaws I kept hidden,
The scars that would never heal.

But you weren't capable.

Who could love the parts of me
That I can't even begin to accept?

So, I suppose...

You were just another one
Of those countless knives

That cut me down to my core.

That killed the fragile, dying ember inside of me.
And it's all my fault. I let you get hurt in the process.
Nov 2018 · 524
Father
No one Nov 2018
Explosive rage,
Uncontrollable anger.

Directed at you,
Or just myself?

I hate you,
Always putting me down.

I hate myself,
Constantly craving your approval.

Your love,
Which I seldom receive.

I hate the part of me
That begs for forgiveness,

The part of me
That will always just be human.

Nothing more,
Nothing more.

Tears run down my face.
I cry, hidden in my room.

Am I just being
Melodramatic?

You scream at me,
I am never good enough.

I already know.
Can't you see that?

The bitter moment of silence,
Long enough to last a lifetime.

For days, I refuse to speak.
Until I learn to love the human part of me.

Once again.
Why must you hate me so?
Nov 2018 · 335
Insomnia
No one Nov 2018
I want to sleep.

But I don't know if I remember how.
I have spent so many nights lying in bed, wondering...
Nov 2018 · 38
You
No one Nov 2018
You
Why am I doing this anymore?

In a time of change,
Of never-ending pain,
Why do I still call you?

Why do I let you listen
To stress work gives me,
To the worries I have about my future?

I don't think
I'd call it love.

But I think
It's more than a friendship.

I love you, I do...

But I know you don't. Not in that way.

Because you see fragments,
Small pieces of nothing.

And I can only see the world,
Destroyed with a single touch.

I'm sorry.

Tonight, my thoughts
Are so clouded
And stormy
That I can't see the lighthouse,
The way out of the storm.
Even so, will you listen to me before I am gone?
Nov 2018 · 27
Failure
No one Nov 2018
I suppose it turned out for the best.

After all that I've done,
It seems fitting that I'd wind up here.

It's a good thing I was never enough.

I failed you, my darling,
And I failed myself 100 times over.

I never made it, not by a mile.

I always wanted to do more with my life,
Beyond the average, what was expected.

But I even failed at that.

So now, I plan around failure,
My world never focusing on success.

I haven't learned anything, beyond that of lying.

I am so good at it, I can deceive my own heart,
Believing that my failure is okay.

Even though I know it's not.
Sometimes, I feel so small and insignificant in this big, wide world.
Nov 2018 · 45
Lost
No one Nov 2018
It seems that, for the longest time,
I could never write.

My mind can be full at times,
Full of beautifully poetic words.

But nowadays, I can't think
In the form of verses and stanzas.

I have tried so hard to turn this
Mess of madness into some form of beauty,

That I began to lose track
Of when beauty faded to madness,

So much so
That it started to consume me,

Wearing away
At my very soul.
I want to be understood. But how can I be understood by others if I can't understand myself?
Oct 2018 · 39
Philosophy
No one Oct 2018
Someone once told me,
"We act for one of two reasons;

For fear of losing something,
Or for love of gaining."

With all the greed I saw in the world,
I found it impossible to argue back.

So now I sit here,
And I wonder

What am I doing here?
Why am I like this?

I find these answers impossible,
But I have some theories.

I am mostly a fragile being,
Terrified of life and its trials.

Every thought of mine a reflection of that,
Who could ever argue?
Why do I think these thoughts I don't want to hear?
Oct 2018 · 36
11:11
No one Oct 2018
Where wishes are made
To be more popular, more pretty,
All manner of desirable things.

A tradition
Created by adolescents,
In a need to fulfill their dreams.

Quick to believe open lies,
Always eager to believe
Your empty, fragile promises.

1:11, this vision fades,
A mere 2 hours
Is all it takes.

One begins to realize
The emptiness of dreams
In the presence of the nightmare.

The nightmare,
Which is always there,
Residing in the darkness at the back of the mind.

This was me, long ago.
Now I reside in a deeper, darker time,
In the world of 2:22.

I live in a world unlike any other,
Where ghouls and ghosts
Constantly live.

And traumatize these nights.
Just some random, late-night thoughts.
Oct 2018 · 32
Death
No one Oct 2018
Humans and demons,
Fighting for life.

That is all we are.

No angels here,
No good act truly pure.

We are all evil, in our own way.

A refusal to trust, a refusal to love,
All our impurities shown at the end.

For death, yes, she is the only pure one here.

Cleaning up humanity's messes,
Ending grieving souls' suffering.

The last hope for the cruel people that we are.

Perhaps she is not innocent, nor is she fair,
But who, if anyone, could do better?
And once again I am left facing the worst parts of myself.
Oct 2018 · 182
Final Statement
No one Oct 2018
I can't even tell if I'm human anymore.
Oct 2018 · 33
Thoughts
No one Oct 2018
I disappointed everyone again,
So what's different this time around?

My little box filled to the brim,
My hidden secrets and emotions bubbling out.

What's different this time?
Why has the darkness continued to grow?

The thing is,
I'm falling to pieces.

And I know it, too.
But I can't stop it.

Nobody can.

So where will my words go this time?
Whose hearts will I destroy with my dark thoughts?

My friends, my family,
Everyone I love...

Gone in the blink of an eye,
Because I failed yet again.
I let my emotions get the better of me, and for that, I'm sorry.
Oct 2018 · 57
Leave
No one Oct 2018
So let's celebrate my achievements,
We'll surely be depressed.

I'm not like my friends,
I can't be as pretty and peppy as them.

I'm not like my mother;
She can make love last a lifetime.

I can't be my father,
Loyal and loving and providing.

I'm not who you thought I was,
Not in a million years.

I'm the one who's thoughts cut deep,
Even deeper than the knife I wield.

I seem to get lost in my head,
Anxiety and panic attacks every time I think.

I'm the one you should be afraid of,
Don't try to come close and comfort me.

My thoughts won't remain hidden,
My mask won't fit any more.

So if you come close,
You'll see me.

And you'll never be able to forget.
I'm the true danger here.
Oct 2018 · 61
My simple truth
No one Oct 2018
If there is one thing I can say,
It's that, over the years, I have learned.

Mainly, I know
That what I think

And what I write
Aren't always the same.

My hands have a mind of their own,
My fingertips play with the keys.

So many keys,
Which have so many letters on them.

My mind screams for happiness,
A lie I have always told,

Jumbling in a huge mess,
While my hands play on.

Maybe I have a plan,
But it doesn't seem it to me.

While my mind begs for happiness,
My hands record my darkness.
Tonight, for some reason, my mind is such a mess.
Oct 2018 · 226
Madness
No one Oct 2018
Sometimes, I wonder,
Am I trapped inside my own head?

Refusing to believe the written on the page,
I just make up my own.

Is this what constitutes insanity?
Or is it my own lack of ability,

My refusal to see the light,
Even in the brightest of days?

My own thoughts like flies,
Drawn to the stench of my rotting mind?

Is this my own choice, my own fate?
Because it sure as **** doesn't feel like it.
And all I can do is read the lines between the words.
Sep 2018 · 53
Tired
No one Sep 2018
I hate living
In this endless,
Cyclical world.

It tires me...

The constant abuse
Of inspiration,
Loved ones...

It's all monotone.

Still, my breath hitches
In that split second
Before the metal hits my skin.

I cry out for help, no one's there.

I wish I could cry,
But It's all the same.
Always has been, to me.

My life lacks colour.
Every act of mine is a drab repetition of life.
Sep 2018 · 175
Magpies
No one Sep 2018
Looking at my wounded heart,
Wondering why I played my part.

One for sorrow, Two for joy...

I fell in love with you,
Little did I know, you loved her too.

Three for a boy, Four for a girl...

Sweet moonlit walks, the long cold night.
I fell for you, in broad daylight.

Five for silver, Six for gold...

You went back to her, I know it to be true.
But maybe, just maybe, you miss me too.
Seven for my secrets, never to be told.
Sep 2018 · 65
Wish
No one Sep 2018
I wish I could go back in time,
When I didn't need all this.

I wish I live without my phone,
Addicted to the empty feeling,

Giving me love in the form of "likes"
Where my family couldn't.

I wish I could live without
All these things I never needed

But now so desperately
Desire.

I wish I didn't meet you,
Because I wouldn't be empty.

I wouldn't know what it's like to live
Without you, after losing you so many times.

I wish I didn't have to cry out,
Writing my heartbreak feverishly.

So mad, so tearfully mad,
Ripping my mind apart.

My heart torn into pieces,
Like the verses of our story.
I wish I'd never fallen in love with you.
Sep 2018 · 64
Again
No one Sep 2018
You forgot,
Again.
I know.

I just wish-
Just once-
You wouldn't.

I no longer
Want to be left behind
To eat your dust.

It's not your fault,
I guess.
It's probably mine.

I build things up
In my head,
An unshakable vision.

I create what I want.
Not what
Everybody else sees.
And, once again, my hopes are dashed... replaced with such an empty feeling.
Sep 2018 · 54
Now
No one Sep 2018
Now
What would you say
If you could see me now?

Losing my mind to a boy,
Who doesn't even exist?

Dead long ago
In that cold winter storm;

Blood on ice,
A horrible sight to behold.

My dear brother,
I once loved you.

Now I cry over you,
A faint echo of a memory.
What would you say if you were still here?
Sep 2018 · 185
Concerto
No one Sep 2018
The stark contrast
Of black and blue.

Constantly waiting for the chorus,
The encore, the silence.

Words mix together;
I cannot see.

Madness encircling me,
I am left blind as the tempo builds up.

Noises form a symphony,
A bitter cacophony of pain.

Where there is silence,
There is noise.

Shattering me to my core,
Rattling in my bones.

Until, once again,
I become silent.
Sometimes I cannot hear over the sound of my screams.
Sep 2018 · 50
You
No one Sep 2018
You
If you saw all the blank pages
I tried to write,

The empty drafts
Without words,

You'd realize I'm not perfect?

So why must you insist that I am?

Why am I held to such a high expectation,
Where anything less than perfection is wrong?

Where I'm wrong?

And, more importantly,
Could I ever be enough for you?

Could I ever be something more,
Anything more, than a "failure" ?
All this pressure is starting to get to me.
Sep 2018 · 167
Madness
No one Sep 2018
I ask, May I Come In?

You reply, Who's There?

It's just me,
And my pessimistic thoughts.

I know you might not want me here.

In fact, I don't want me.

But your voice is of someone I can trust,
And right now, I need to feel loved.

"Are The Voices In Your Head Acting Up Again?"

A simple question, easy enough.
But I do not want to answer.

Eventually, I say "Yeah",
And I can already see you cry.

And for some reason, so do I.
I don't know what to do with my mind. But apparently, neither do you.
Sep 2018 · 46
Meaningless
No one Sep 2018
After many years of thought,
I reached a conclusion.

My life has no meaning.

I have no reason for my existence,
No idea what to do with it.

But at least I'm not lying to myself.

The world full of distractions,
Hiding the fact that death inches ever closer

With every move we make.

Some might find meaning in helping others,
But you can help others if you can't help yourself.

Maybe I should die.

That's the point of it all, isn't it?
To suffer?

Everything dies out, eventually.

Even the universe,
The never-ending flow of time.

The only reason to live is to suffer.

And everything in between that
Is boring.
Must I always live such a boring, meaningless life?
Sep 2018 · 76
Black
No one Sep 2018
I see a girl,
Fragile and scared.

She wears long sleeves
To cover up her long history
Of scars.

She already seems broken,
Irreparable.

She want to hide it.
To show she's strong,
Even when she isn't.

She puts on makeup,
Must have cost a fortune.

She likes it.
She "doesn't care" when
She wears all black.

And no-one comes near enough
To see the cracks along her face.
No one will see how scared she is...
Aug 2018 · 72
Alone
No one Aug 2018
With hands as cold as ice,
She drifts in and out
From the shadows of existence.

Her life created
By another's misery,
She already seems dead.

Turned to dust,
She is but a hollow shell,
Alone and scared.

And every day,
You try to fix her,
To put the pieces back together.

But she just gets worse,
Until all you can do
Is watch her fall apart.
So now, she cries alone.
Aug 2018 · 68
Abyss
No one Aug 2018
Halfway through the book already,
Fallen deeper into the rabbit-hole.

All the beauty fades away,
An empty husk of what it once was.

I let the words swallow me,
Engulfing me into the darkest depths of despair.

No name, no date,
My life forever an unknown.

It's cold down here,
Dark and silent.

I froze to death,
As I saw your cold heart.
I am the night, you are the abyss.
Aug 2018 · 77
Disguise
No one Aug 2018
I painted a canvas,
In words, dark and grey.

Overlapping, in many shades,
They covered the whole thing.

I never once thought that the painting
Was dark and dreary, like all others.

For the words were great,
Beautifully written.

So happy in their meaning,
Even though the execution was bad.

Over time,
The words grew.

I watered them with my tears,
And fed them my smiles.

And when I looked,
I saw...

The painting was my portrait,
Down into the depths of my mind.
I might seem dark, but I want to be happy. I just don't know how.
Aug 2018 · 74
Eternity
No one Aug 2018
In the grand scheme of things,
It doesn't really matter.

Whether I get into college,
Or get a job,
Or become really rich.

Even if I am poor,
And a failure,
And end up homeless.

It's all the same.

Either way, I will be a speck,
A little piece
In an ever-changing universe.

Whatever I do,
It won't matter.
I will still die.

But all we seem to do
Is **** ourselves.

We work our lives away,
Just to gain
That one momentary pleasure.

So yeah, I don't want to work for a living.
Or get married,
Or have kids.

It doesn't matter, after all.

Of course, I might care,
At least for a little bit,
If I could live.

To choose a path
Whose reward
Is a longer life.

But only for a little.
Because it must be ****
To live forever.

To constantly watch everyone else die,
Or live forever with everyone you hate.
Take your pick, it's all the same.

Life itself is ****,
Death is ****,
And anything in between is meaningless.

It truly is.

What I'm trying to say, is...
We all want to die,
But we all want to live.
A little morbid, perhaps, but it's the truth, isn't it?
Aug 2018 · 86
You and I
No one Aug 2018
A blank slate,
A fresh start.
Full of potential.

Once upon a time,
I had hope.
I thought things could change.

What does it matter now, though?
You don't care.
And, quite frankly, neither do I.

For you see, potential is one thing.
But the outcome tends to be
Completely different.

Sure, I could change,
But so could you.
Live a life full of lies.

Instead, we starve ourselves,
Constantly craving a glimmer,
A slight hint of affection.

You and I,
We could change.
But why don't we?
For better or for worse, we'll never change.
Aug 2018 · 63
Break
No one Aug 2018
On the mend,
I am growing.
Healing, little by little.

Then - a sudden break.
Once again, I am covered in blood,
But this time it's not mine.

It's yours, my darling.

Oh, what have I done?
I don't want to break you. I'm sorry.
Aug 2018 · 61
My greatest work...
No one Aug 2018
I thought about my greatest work,
My "magnum opus" of life.

I found that it was myself,
And the various masks I wore.

See, I am the mistress of disguise,
Always hidden; never seen.

I suppose the greatest thing
I have ever done...

Is perfect the art
Of wearing this smile.
I suppose that is all that I have to say...
Aug 2018 · 181
When I am gone
No one Aug 2018
I want my words to linger on,
At least for a little while longer.

I want some past reflection of myself
When no one can hear these silent screams.

I have evolved, yes,
But perhaps not in a good way.

So when I am gone, I ask you,
What will you think of me?

Will I become a ghost,
Lost forever in your memories?

Or will you still call me a coward,
To bring the end upon myself?

But the only thing I can do now
Is think of what I have to say.

To choose what to leave behind,
As I eventually fade from sight.

My fate is already decided,
But I have one choice left;

To either become the monster
Or the coward...
What will you think of me when I am gone?
Aug 2018 · 636
Her
No one Aug 2018
Her
I loved you.
I really did.

I loved the way your smile
Would light up your eyes.

The way your jokes
Would always make me laugh.

I wanted to be yours,
And you, mine.

But eventually,
I moved on.

I kept telling myself
That it was a ******, silly crush.

A summer of regrets,
Constantly relived memories.

Eventually,  I learned to be
The third wheel.

To be friendly when talked to,
Quiet and unnoticeable the rest of the time.

Soon, I will fade away entirely.
My mind is already halfway there.

I don't know why I felt anything for you,
Because I knew it couldn't work out from the start.

So, whoever that special someone is,
I hope she isn't as ****** as I am.
I just hope, one day, I cans see you again and tell you how I feel.
Aug 2018 · 80
A mind full of storms
No one Aug 2018
I can't write,
Not at all.
All I can do is read.

But isn't that what we all do?

We don't write stories,
But instead
Read the words,

In the form of our people.

That mad feeling,
Writing all that we read,
For fear of being the only ones who see.

To see if others know what we see.

But the question is,
Do you see this?
What I see, what I read?

Or am I just going crazy...?

Being the only one
Who is trapped
In this mind full of storms.
Does this even make sense to you? I can't even tell anymore.
Aug 2018 · 81
Dark
No one Aug 2018
I keep on saying "light",
Even though I feel
So dark inside.

Feverishly writing,
Thinking,
To stop them becoming actions.

I don't know why I'm like this.

They say that
A human being
Is both dark and light.

Why we always feel conflict.
I don't understand, though,
Because all I see is the dark.
I don't know how to regain my humanity, if I had it in the first place.
Jul 2018 · 66
Crazy
No one Jul 2018
A long journey home,
Trapped in the backseat.
A padded room.

I open my eyes.
And for a moment,
Everything is in blue.

The world shakes,
Distorts. Reality is thrown
Into various shades.

And suddenly,
You're splashing your face.
Wondering if what you saw was truly real.

I try to escape this realm,
Throw my heart into another.
But I never see it again.

I am forever trapped in this mind.
I pray everyday that I am not as crazy as I think I am.
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