Where did my father go?

Who was kind and compassionate,
Who made his child feel loved?

Who is this standing in front of me,
Berating me over the smallest of things?

Where did you go, dad?

Who can save me from my tears,
Now that you are gone?

Why are you like this,
Screaming at your child while she cries?

When did you fade away entirely?

And, why, please tell me why,
Do I wish you'd be gone for good?

Anything seems better than this,
Because I know I've lost you already.

I have loved you.

I have died for you,
Time and time again.

So much death,
All to satisfy your appetite.

With every death I become weaker,
Each new life further tinged with regret.

I remember the last one,
When I was so much wiser than I am now.

Because, truly,
I'm just a child,

Who knows nothing of what's to come,
Of nothing that it will grow to be.

No idea of the demons,
No idea of you.

Every time I step away,
I start a new life, away from you.

As I grow older, I become younger,
More naive and closed to the world.

You never knew me at my best,
But you have seen me at my worst.

And before she knew it,
Her family was broken.

Her father, tired from working,
Dark shadows draining his face.

Sticking with her mother,
Only because he loved her.

Although the girl was beginning to doubt
That what they called love wasn't love at all,

But a means to an end,
A way to maintain a broken family.

The mother, always weary,
Desperately clinging to hope.

The hope that, for long enough,
She has known to be false.

They both at their daughter,
The old scars still there.

They realize their dreams through her,
Seeing a broken illusion of success.

They stare at her with those pleading eyes,
Refusing to see that she is beginning to crack.

Even now, one needs to go through hell
For even the slightest social interaction.

Guess that's why it's called "hello".

But it's just some spell,
I'm sure of it.

It's not like I face this every day.

No, indeed,
I am DEFINITELY

Not falling to pieces as we speak.

"I'm fine."

Because, seeing your face...
I remember all the god times,

Not wonder what I did wrong,
What we did wrong.

I swear to you,
I HONESTLY couldn't care less.

You don't love Me,
You never did.

"I don't love you," either.

Why should I?

Why should I cry over You,
Every Night and Every Day?

Why can't I just learn to be...

I've been looking through my memories,
Trying to recover that tenderness
That was somehow stolen from me.

All my life I've been a saint,
You'll think I'm lying.
Of course I am.

In reality, I'm a demon.
No-one has ever been able to look at me
And tell me otherwise.

So where did that love go?
In a hundred years, even a thousand,
Would anything ever change?

So, I ask of you,
Of anyone willing to hear;
Should I keep on searching?

For a while now,
I've been thinking
Of what is to come.

I haven't been scared.

I can now say that
I accept my death,
That I will die.

But is that a good thing?

I have sacrificed
In order to live,
In order to die.

Should I be afraid?

For a while now, I've known.
My body growing sicker
With each passing day.

My mind dying with it.

I have already faced
The problems of age,
Even when I already know

That they've just begun.

My final question;
When I take my last breath,
When I am thrown into the ground,

Will you still remember me?

Why does it always have to be my fault?