Why does it always have to be my fault?

Is that horrible silence
The only part of you that I can remember?

I tried, but...
I don't think it's for the best.

Staying with you-
All I ever wanted.

You gave me everything.
But it was all a lie.

I told you I loved you.
You never did the same.

Every day, every night.
I thought about you.

That we loved each other,
That we could be together.

I truly believed.
For a few, short moments.

I pour my heart and soul out,
Into you

My one and only guiding light,
My hopes and dreams residing.

Here, I suppose,
I am no longer bound.

Or at least, it was a fantasy,
One which I'd hoped you'd fulfill.

I needed you, then.

I poured my heart and soul out,
Hoping you'd accept

All the little flaws I kept hidden,
The scars that would never heal.

But you weren't capable.

Who could love the parts of me
That I can't even begin to accept?

So, I suppose...

You were just another one
Of those countless knives

That cut me down to my core.

That killed the fragile, dying ember inside of me.

Explosive rage,
Uncontrollable anger.

Directed at you,
Or just myself?

I hate you,
Always putting me down.

I hate myself,
Constantly craving your approval.

Your love,
Which I seldom receive.

I hate the part of me
That begs for forgiveness,

The part of me
That will always just be human.

Nothing more,
Nothing more.

Tears run down my face.
I cry, hidden in my room.

Am I just being
Melodramatic?

You scream at me,
I am never good enough.

I already know.
Can't you see that?

The bitter moment of silence,
Long enough to last a lifetime.

For days, I refuse to speak.
Until I learn to love the human part of me.

Once again.

I want to sleep.

But I don't know if I remember how.

Why am I doing this anymore?

In a time of change,
Of never-ending pain,
Why do I still call you?

Why do I let you listen
To stress work gives me,
To the worries I have about my future?

I don't think
I'd call it love.

But I think
It's more than a friendship.

I love you, I do...

But I know you don't. Not in that way.

Because you see fragments,
Small pieces of nothing.

And I can only see the world,
Destroyed with a single touch.

I'm sorry.

Tonight, my thoughts
Are so clouded
And stormy
That I can't see the lighthouse,
The way out of the storm.

I suppose it turned out for the best.

After all that I've done,
It seems fitting that I'd wind up here.

It's a good thing I was never enough.

I failed you, my darling,
And I failed myself 100 times over.

I never made it, not by a mile.

I always wanted to do more with my life,
Beyond the average, what was expected.

But I even failed at that.

So now, I plan around failure,
My world never focusing on success.

I haven't learned anything, beyond that of lying.

I am so good at it, I can deceive my own heart,
Believing that my failure is okay.

Even though I know it's not.