I feel as if I have a tainted mind, I reminisce about a false narrative to make me feel in constant pain and disgust from myself. Self loathing has became an art to me, and I can’t prevent the ruminating thoughts. Redundant for years to months to minutes of my mind putting horns on my head and saying I’m pure sin. My skin painted red. My eyes are black. I demonize and reflect then demonize again because I have blamed everything that has happened in my life on myself. My heart cries for me to stop but my mind has drawn to the conclusion that it must be this way, it is this way. It feels selfish of me to be around others because they can smell the self loathing lingering around my body. I don’t know if I try not to hate myself or if I ignore myself so I don’t have to come face to face of who I’ve become and what I’m not.