Take me back
To the lovely days

Days you didn't fuss
Over my reaction
To your reaction
Days you didn't over analyze
My words and my actions
Days you didn't expect anything
Days you gave without expecting
Days you called only when needed
Days you didn't agonize over missed calls
Days you didn't jump
On my name in your call screen
Days you didn't stress
over how you looked to me
Days you were confident in your dress
Days you didn't value my opinion
Over your own self worth
Days you didn't let me
Define your mood that day
Days you didn't let my reply
Dig a hole in your heart
Days you weren't obsessed
With the idea of me

Because if you really knew me well
You wouldn't want me.

I care about it, he doesn't
I think about it, he doesn't
I listen to words, he doesn't
I analyse moments, he doesn't
I relive the moments, he doesn't
I give meaning to words, he doesn't
I remember things he said, he doesn't

Turns out he doesn't
Feel the feelings
Not an ounce of love
Nor an inch of hate
Nothing.
He acts
He says
He doesn't
Mean any of it
Inside is a shell
That doesn't feel a thing.

I love
I care
Deep today
Deeper tomorrow
You
Making my body thrill
Making my heart race


I'm not for you
You're not for me
I never know
Your feelings or self
An amazing mystery
Hiding from all
In plain sight

I wouldn't dream at all
Let alone wanting you
There's always more
To the surface
To the face
To the act
To you

So
I'll stay
I'll stay away.

Why do you always assume
That complimenting you
Means I like you?
That greeting you
Means I want a conversation?
That conversing with you
Means I want advice?
That my taking time to look good
Means I wanna be hit on?

I made assumptions
Assumptions about you
They weren't true
You weren't capable
Being that person
That you portrayed

You wanted us
Thinking that you
Were this person
That you project
That you paint
To be seen

You have created
A public persona
To hide you
Behind those walls
That you raised
To extreme heights
To prevent anyone
From jumping over

Like predicted values
Of resulting attempts
Hurt and anguish
Befalls attempted climbers
Disappointment and brokenness
For making effort
Few steps up

Like movie roles
You have created
Extremely convincing characters
For all situations

Like double agents
You have managed
To be anyone
Anyone but you
Throwing us away
Away from yours
Your real scent
Away from you
Your real life.

You may not have a partner
To talk and share stories with
But you don't have an extra adult
To take care of their every need

You may not have financial help
To fend for your child
But you don't have extra bills
To take from your little income

You may not have an extra set of hands
To help with the housework
But you don't have an extra human
To clean up after and cook for

You may not have an extra set of ears
To listen to your stories and whinings
But you don't have an extra mouth
Whose complains you have to listen to

You may not have someone
To make you feel good
But you don't have an extra someone
To make look good

You may be lonely
But it is less effort
When it's only you

How amazing
The trust you have for me
Even after I dissapoint

How incredible
The love you have for me
Especially in my angriest moments

How lovely
The way you hold on to me
When my attention is miles away from you

The way you get under my skin
The way your actions graze my nerves
With every little thing you do

The way you touch my heart
The way I beam with pride
With every small progress you make

The way I struggle
The way I gather patience
With each button you push

How fulfilling it is
To achieve that progress
In the smallest measure
In the largest proportion

It's not just love
But unconditional love
It's not just commitment
But undying commitment