There is no encore only a final curtain

For my former self, June 23rd 2015

Recently, I've been feeling this wave of nostalgia
As the rain caresses my skin and the wind howls past my ears
Every time I walk the streets to university,
Or watching the squirrels play around
The oak tree in the morning...

It feels like only yesterday.

And I count my blessings,
And I know how lucky I am to be alive.
And I look at a picture in this photo album of a younger me,
As I fake a smile to hide my pain.

I will never forget my former self.

And in my dreams, I am dying
I wake up screaming and shivering
With no one beside me, and when I close
My eyes again, there I am...
Stood on the bridge, drunk on starvation

Counting down from five to jump.

© Sia Jane
See Amiri Baraka "Preface to a twenty volume suicide note"