These words, dripping from my touch
Keyboard struck by a force beyond me
I call you in, into these words
To reach the hearts of the souls you quench for

My heart--
So tender, it's been marinating
In a deep sea of grief
So many months
Lost at sea

This tenderness, a stranger
Im learning to love him
Longing when he's gone
For that sweet, soft pain
Of my wet and tender heart

A child runs –
Down an eternal summer street
Trying to catch a butterfly
That flies above her reach...

his feet drag
too weak to lift
he shuffles to the alter

patiently waiting his turn
to receive the body
of Christ, his savor

head down
back arched like a cane
brittleness pronounced
in every step

his life, lived
he simply waits
for what is before him

when his turn approaches
he crosses his arms
above his frail chest
and bows his head
unworthy to receive

yet a blessing lands upon him
and fills his empty, humble spirit
with a restoring light of Truth.

"I didn't mean to ignore you" she said both genuinely and proudly.

Dually proud.
One, for her ability to evoke emotion in him, through her simple act of nothing.
And two, that it had been so very 'nothing' to her, that she very genuinely didn't know she was doing this act of nothing.

Ignorance, ignoring...
What’s the difference?
She was innocent.

Regardless, she moved through the circumstance
Something like a maverick
Cunning her way in and out of his heart...

Stitching it up,
a poor repair,
one that was soon to rupture again
surely worse next time.

But the remedy consoled him
And imagining her essence
hazily around him,
he fell into a dreamy slumber...

Until the next time she awoke him
with her jolting and revolting
Chilling and thrilling
Weary, weary...

Nothing.

Pain moves me
Simply because
I cannot bear
to stay with it.

I can sense before with such sweetness, that spring.
Although at the time, all I could feel was the rain.

It's late in the summer now.
And God willing, I'll still be here when autumn comes.

Perhaps then, in retrospect,
the summer will not seem so hot.

I’ll arch my spine
so you can see
the ribs in my chest,
the essence of me.

Let the bones
erupt from my core.
This heart doesn’t need
a cage anymore.

There are no numbers to the days,
or the words i have written.
Life cannot be contained by
something so linear.

Life is more like a word  -
or a gesture -
or breath...

But certainly not a clock,
represented by digits -
fleeting and repeating...

No, life is more like a dance.
with a partner who
gazes deeply upon you,
and moves you
in ways you could have never imagined.

Only to vanish -
mid-dance.

oh what a weight, us humans bear
on our frail bones

we all know alone
and how heavy it is

no-one can carry alone alone
and at the same time-
no-one is there to help.

You will never find another me.
And I will never find another you.

But for a moment in time,
We found each other.

And I suppose,
That is enough for me.

I used to be afraid.
Of what? I wonder.

Now that everything is gone.

I love you because
Your shield and sword
Are there to protect
The tender lamb
Of your being

You are not perfect.
But to your mother,
You are her son.

I have found
That love is
A series of small quirks
That one finds endearing
By either familiarity
Or novelty
Or a delightful combination of both

And the challenge ensues
When the familiar turns novel
Or the novel grows familiar

And we must learn to love
This strange new series of quirks
All over again...

As I sit and greet this day,
Warm I am, inside.

As the pink morning sky blazes before me
In its pure, autumn glow.

I let the petals burst from my heart.
I am in love.

A part of me exhausts
As you withdraw into yourself

Pulling the thick tar of hurt
Out from my chest
And into these words

Molding it into
Meaning.

She leaves,
And he stays.
She takes,
And he gives.
She strikes,
And he endures...

All the while seeing
Her loving,
Tender ways
Despite this - temporary -
darkness.

At the end,
The curtain opens & collapses down

Cast steps forward and bows
Nervously waiting for the raw applause
of its long lost Love

To be seen in flesh, in form.
To feel
To be alive

And what hope there is
in this pause.

And by God's great glory,
simplicity,
and the logic that supports it
that reveals what we are,
all of us together.

Curtain down, we bow.
And receive fully the divine applause of our creator

to be-
to be seen,
heads hanging together
is enough for him to rejoice.

And his rejoicing song lifts our faces
to be truly, fully revealed

All we are, our mistakes + our triumphs,
standing strong together

The purpose of our being.

To be revealed, humbled and uplifted in truth.
And to let the light of his applause wash over us
As we all bow down together.

The cerulean sky beats with life
And the homes stand still beneath her.
And the trees lift their tender branches,
Wet with morning dew,
Toward her vital hue.

From my window
I watch life wake.

Alive-
Another day.

Gray pours over everything
Covering life with dust.

Of which I was made,
And which I will return.

I’ve got this hungry, selfish love
Pleading on these desperate, bleeding knees
For you to open
So that I may survive

I have learned to enjoy the night
As it approaches,
I no longer turn away
to chase after the day that has passed
Running backwards
Against the eternal force of time

Constantly
Moving
In one direction;
forward.

I have learned to enjoy the night
No longer do I waste the splendor of dusk
Pressing my meager resistance against it

Instead, I melt into it
becoming one with the dimming day
Everything slows
As the darkness gently fades the lines of distinction
blending all of life into one into one
Under the tender canopy
Of night
Where all is made new.

I have learned to enjoy the night
Accepting the day has passed
Come and gone
And that life,
In that particular shade of day
Will never be seen again

I was never yours
To put me down
So don’t try to put me down, now.

When I was never yours to start.

I was always too much for you.
And you couldn’t lift me up to start,

So don’t try to put me down now
When I’m already down and out.

Silent streets beckon,
Wide and empty, like an open hand
A gentle pull back to before

When summer heat
Danced from the streets
Melting time like Dali’s clock
As the night sky poured out her stars
Into our eager and open eyes

When opportunity rushed in
On autumn leaves
Sweeping out the old
In a blue sky breeze

And curtains burst open
On a crisp winter's morning,
Revealing a portrait of white
In a wide and timeless sky

When alone
Was just a seed,
A fantasy of youth,
Yet to reveal
Its perfect purple pedals,
Only to the moon

And racing feet
Kissed the dew
On tender springs buds
Bursting with life.

How gentle a time,
It was to be young,
When all four seasons were ahead.

I think that true love is
Missing something that is with you
Longing for something that is not yet gone


your soul enduring
The separation of flesh
That will only be undone
Upon death


When your spirits can unite
And dance through eternal starry nights
In the way they did before.


Love is-
Missing the soul you were once one with.
Before you burst through the barrier of life.
Love is-
Touching something that cannot be touched.


And the ambivalence
Of holding on tight.


But knowing deep down
Your love is always there,
Like the ground you walk on.


Love is seeing the eternal starry nights
You used to dance through, together
In the eyes of your beloved.


Love is-
deep down,
Beneath the sleepy stupor of
Being alive…


A brilliant knowing,
that it’s better there,
In that deep, and starry night,


That goes on forever behind the curtain of life.

The sky is heavy,
with moon to-night.
Pregnant with moon,
To-night.

Soon, tomorrow will come --

A fresh new day,
Full of Light
and Life.

Winding roads,
lined with snake plants
paved in molasses
guide us to the sea...

Where dusk sweeps the day
and silhouette figures
dance across shores
celebrating the day’s
final light before night.

Please do not hold
Your breath to me.

Outside of you
I float, waiting
For your warm dwelling place.

And when you exhale,
I will be here.
Waiting for you,
To breathe me in.

weightless white snow
lays a blanket of peace
over all of the earth
as music sings
in soft whispers
across the globe

I have fallen so many times,
And descended so low,
That the only way to go,
Is up…

Half way
Presents two choices
Easeful - down
Or challenge - up
I think I’ll take the ladder.

When we grow old
And our bones become brittle
The falls of our youth
With a proud smile
Of the strength we once endured

Polished: May 9, 2018

Your smell
What was it like?
I think it encapsulated me
It swallowed me whole

Your head on my shoulder...

Your eyes
They went far
Too far for me to follow
But I went anyway
And I got lost

Your hair
Through my hands
My hands were full
And now they’re empty

And my heart felt the same, Full
And now it asks,
Of what?

Your body
Glimmered in my mind
as it faded my own
into a grey glimpse of nothing

That fear
That drew me near
Is still resides
Within my bones
And now the pain
Leaps from my skin

Budding into
what it always should have been
And never would have become
If not for the pain of opening

here I am Lord
I have come to do your will.

God made me my mothers daughter
And I hold her fear in my heart.
But I hold her love, too.

And her fear I handle with honest, shaking hands
– cautiously and gently…

But with her love -
I let it roar like wildfire.

There is no stopping it.
A tsunami as high as the sky
Casts its shadow around me.

I tried to run,
But now I surrender,
Standing still beneath it.

Let it pour down over me.
I will drown,
In my love for you.

I have grown so tired
Of the weeds of doubt
That wring at my mind

Please prune the fear from me
And make my vision clear–

So I can see
All the light
That rests ahead.

So many days I begged God for freedom
And how many nights I pleaded for more –
Love.

And here I am, free and fulfilled
For a moment in time.

Let the present go on forever.

I don’t want to be alone anymore
I want to be together.
I don’t want to fake strong
When I am weak.
And I won’t go back
When forward is in front of me.

Some things are so pure
That you know God made them.

Like paper, crisp and new
And a winter's night,
Observed, warmly from inside.

Something about snow and paper,
And simple things, as such
That say so little,
And offer so much.

And on this paper, I’d like to say
That I am here today,
and I don’t have much to write,
But whatever I can offer, I give to you,
It isn't much, aside from the truth
That life resides within this flesh.

It woke me this morning, with it’s own will.

And it speaks its own words here
Commanding my body to obey and covey
What it has to say,
Which again – isn’t much
Aside from the truth, that I lived today
That on a crisp autumn morning,
With winter nearby.

And I can imagine and feel, what’s behind and ahead
And the white of night
In soft winter glow –
It eases my soul.

There are things in this life that I love,
They are mostly simple and pure
Impermanent as snow
And as blank as paper.

I see myself there.

Life, write your words over me.
For soon I will fade like snow

Into something new
And although I don’t know where I will go,
But I don’t much mind.

As long as I leave some good words behind
And melt into something life-giving.

Character does not descend from the sky like dew
It grows from the depths
And fights to move upwards.

Upwards, upwards, upwards,
I go.

There is a flavor of alone
In every breath without you.

I want to breathe fresh air.
That doesn’t taste of your absence.

In a daffodil field
Blue sky in my eyes
Marmalade sun
Sweetens the breeze
I drink it in,
Resting in my mothers arms-

Lord, let me remember
Your love.

Will there always be something to stomp over?
Will there ever be more than a glimpse of time when this agitated soul of mine -
can settle and rest and in ease?
Will this being, of me, always be looking for more..
Or trying to escape?

Why can’t I be more like my grandma -
Simple and humble
Enduring and strong
Gentle and caring
Quick to forgive...

Why must I cling so tightly to my pain,
As though without it i would be lost
How can I learn to just put it down and rest -
Forgive…

When i am angry enough
To tear down the walls around me
And become a beast
Capable of destruction

While all the while
I just want to stop
And smile…

But i can’t
Not truly.
This smile is flat.
A weak attempt to endure, like Nanoo
And forgive.

But it is beyond my capacity,
And I need space-

So i do not destroy
Everything around me.

How much pain i have endured already
Waiting and clinging
To something wild, untame
Lashing me forward and back
Without rest or pause
I am exhausted
And still attempting to hold on
And tame this beast-

And at the same time,
I am ready to match him.
To let go, and face him head on
A bull fight.

For although I am tired,
I have grown strong from all of this holding
Back and fourth -
Up and down.

A moment of rest -
Then jolted awake...
I’ve grown agile,
And quick on my feet.

But how much longer can I endure?
I am tired.
And angry..
And stuck...
Between letting go,
A sad surrender.
Or holding on
With the strong hope
That i can survive.

As I grow older,
And my muscles decay
Will I be able to hold on?
Or will I be thrown vigorously to the ground
After years of battle,
Tired and broken,
With nothing left to hold on to.

Why can’t i be more like my grandma?
Simple and humble..
Enduring and strong..

Lord, release my heart
From this cage it’s in

I need to breath
Fresh air

I am full of fire
And resentment

Encased and surrounded by the past
Which has become my present
And my future

Unable to change him,
Loving and tender.

He cares for himself
Foremost
And I, foremost for him.

How kind life can be
when she cradles me
as peacefully,
night falls.

A flower
Red pettaled
with a soft yellow face
Rests flat, wilting
on a chipped white windowsill
In the city

Picked by a thin woman
On a warm summer night

she had walked by many times,
And never once noticed
Its becoming hues of red and yellow

But it always noticed her,
Straining its yellow face
Upward To watch
Her graceful gate

And the way her skirt
Delicately danced
Like flower petals in the breeze
As she walked by

But that evening
She noticed

And she adored it
enough to take it home
Perching it purposefully
On that warm windowsill
In the city.

And there it rested,
Horizontal and high

Window open,
Warm breeze coming through,
Gracefully receiving the day,
In its final hours

Enjoying its new perspective,
Finally looking down,
rather than straining upward,
To watch those great human giants,
Busily walking by

And feeling its physiology degrade
it smiled inside
consumed by the wonderful new sensation
Of lying down

Enjoying a final rest,
And a new view
as the world rushed by

Resting, just resting
Assured
That all was good
And all was right.

As life slowly faded away...

My thoughts
Lead me down
An enticing path
Into darkness

Where I dwell,
For just a moment

Until I turn around
And take myself
Up and back
Into the light.

Day, break over me
Let your sunny-side yolk
Wash over me.

Draped across a bed
of sleepy green clovers
Wet with morning dew.

I begin again,
Anew.

dwelling on a cloud of airy pleasance
gazing below, upon what once was

tempted, I am, reaching down for sensation
Meaning and feeling

the pain i once knew,
heavy and true

When out of the blue,

grace from above
captures my hand

in warm and golden hues

a stable,
easeful
and peaceful feeling

subtle, as it is.

it satisfies my longing
for sensation and truth

With ease, mother grace
places my once-eager hand
upon my own heart

and i soften in  peace
Knowing, i am not alone,
Dwelling on a cloud of pleasance
gazing up at the sky.

We let the silence speak
And it speaks loudly

As we lay together
tangled between sheets