Sometimes I become unfathomably numb.
Sometimes I’m overwhelmed with sadness.
Sometimes my heart can’t take more pain.
Sometimes I can’t paint a smile on my face.
Sometimes I want to take a knife to my skin.
And, sometimes I want to take a bullet to my brain.

Stop looking at me.
Please just stop.
I'm tired of being on the spotlight.
Just stop criticising me-
you keep instruct-no demanding me.
You keep demanding me to change.
Demanding me to be okay.
I don't want to change.
No matter how much I want to be okay,
I don't want to change me.
My essence, my unique.
Just let me be. Please?
Stop staring at me.
Stop looking at me.
Just... listen to me, please.

Sometimes I'm not okay,
and while I know it's okay to not be okay,
people don't really care if you aren't.

They tell you, "I'll be there for you,"
but branch away from the topic at hand,
even when all you want is for someone to listen.

I don't need advice or help,
I'm not asking for them to solve my issues either.
I just need to dump some of my feelings out.

My bottle of feelings has reached max capacity.
I'm not asking for you to give me a bigger bottle or say it'll be okay,
I'm simply asking for your help in pouring some down the drain.

So yea, sometimes I'm not okay.
I know it's okay to not be okay.
But, to be okay, I need someone to help me pour my feelings out.

I don't want to keep not being okay just because it's okay to not be okay.
I want to improve my mental health.

A few words.
nothing much.

A few phrases,
really, irrelevant.

But, the moment you leave them out,
my whole world starts quaking.

I'm sobbing in the corner,
and you realize nothing.

"I love you," you so rarely say.
And everytime, I can't help but to think, "do you?"

If I once again gave you my everything,
would you leave me behind silently screaming?

Happy Valentines Day to those who are alone,
wishing and wanting for someone to be there.

Happy Valentines Day to those who are happy,
even if I'm not, because I'm glad someone is.

Happy Valentines Day to those who hate me,
because, hey, at least you are sure of something.

Happy Valentines Day to those who have hurt me
given me bad memories, as well as some good ones along the way

Happy Valentines Day to all,
because I want everyone to have a Happy Valentines Day.

I may be breathing, but I'm not alive.
I'm a puppet, strings controlled by an invisible hand.
I'm told where to go, what to say, how to act,
but I'm far from being alive.
I have no real thoughts,
and I feel no happy emotions.

I may be breathing, but I'm not alive.
I've given away my control-
to someone who won't throw me off a ledge.
but I'm far from being alive.
Every day I sway near the edge of a cliff,
and my puppeteer yanks my strings away again.

I may be breathing, but I'm not alive.

My mind is vacant, like the sky at night.
Only tiny stars that are not-at-all-bright.
They hope to pierce the sky, but instead they make it cry.
Rain pours down, soaking me and forcing me to drown.
I sink far and deep, hoping that if I drown it'll keep.
I'd rather die, than keep waking up and living this "happy" lie.

I'm sad to say I've lost my words.
I know, it's queer I'd lose something so close to my heart,
but, I've lost them.
Every harsh insult, every slap in the face, beats at me,
and sadly I have nothing to say.
So yes, I've lost my words.
I cannot find them.
I almost fear you've stolen them away,
locked them in a tight box, hidden in a lost, far off place.
I've lost my words,
and maybe if I can find the key,
I'll finally have something that will save me.

I miss days filled with sunshine,
and even nights filled with rain.

I miss days filled with joy,
and even nights filled with sadness.

I miss days filled with people,
and even nights filled with none.

I miss being happy.
even if it was temporary.

Everything is swirling around, screaming.
I keep trying to address each scream,
but then another one sounds.
They get louder and louder,
and I'm spinning in circles
as I try to keep up with them.
I'm dizzied and confused.
I feel as though I've fallen into an ocean
and I've forgotten how to swim,
so I slowly sink to the bottom
as the screams tear me apart alive.

I regret to inform that I am sad.
I'm sad because I keep getting pushed away.
I don't want to be left isolated.
I keep doing my best to help, to support,
but in the end no one ever stays.
I'm always alone it seems.
Even if the room around me is crowded.
I stay friends with those who hurt me,
because even then, I still don't want them to leave.
So yea, I'm sad.
Because, both those who make me hurt
and those genuinely care for me leave.

Sincerely,
Me

I am a lie.
I put on this persona and
I keep my feelings locked away.
The moment a door opens,
someone decides not to stay.
They ask, "How are you?"
"I'm okay," I say.
Instead of letting my thoughts spill.
I don't tell them I'm in pain,
or that I'm slowly becoming numb.
I don't reveal that my will to live
is slowly beginning to fade.
I keep it all inside,
and I lie.
Because I don't want to be alone.
Is that such a bad thing?

Yes. It tore me apart.
I gave into my stupid heart.
I let you play with my emotional needs.
Even now, I watch as my soul bleeds.
It isn't fair.
You didn't even care.
I was maimed,
meanwhile you weren't ashamed.
You didn't act hurt,
you just left me to die in the dirt.

I ate today.
That's a step in the right direction.
I ate today.
Tomorrow I'll clean,
but for today,
I ate.

I cut myself again.
That's it. That's all.
I cut myself again.
And I regret it.
I cut myself again.
Because I'm weak.
I cut myself again.
I wanted to feel something.
I cut myself again.
And I almost didn't stop.
I cut myself again.

I've written so much today.
I'd love to stop, or turn the page,
but I have too many words that I want to say.

I have too many words that need to be said.
I wish I could erase them,
but if I did, I would likely end up dead.

The death would be at my own hands.
If only that wasn't the pitiful case,
but my mind cannot keep up with their demands.

The demands that have been etched into my soul.
I want to stop their sharp blades,
but I am no longer in control.

I want to forget it all
and love you unconditionally once more;
but, it doesn't work like that.
You broke my trust and my heart,
And as much as I love you,
I won't let you tear me apart.

I'm 10 Minutes Free,
and even poetry,
couldn't save me.

I detest
That we are
So far apart
Yet also so close.
It just hurts
So much
But also,
Doesnt.
And I'm a
Whirlwind
Of confusion.

Every time I felt down,
There was no one to turn to.
I was always alone;
However, now I realize
That I have you.
And I don't want to ruin it.
I dont want you to be a crutch,
And that's why it's so hard
for me to open up.
I'm working on it,
I promise I'm trying.
Thank you so much
for being patient, kind, and caring.

I'm broken.
Every time I think I'm better,
my wrists get that familiar ache to bleed.
I'm not acting on it.
But I want it to go away.
Why do these small things affect me?
Just a harmless thought and
suddenly I'm internally screaming.
I'm tired of being scared
of what I might do to myself.