I try and convince myself it's fine. 
The problems ain't getting any bigger. 
Who are you trying to kidd.
You kidder.
You've got your finger pressed on the trigger. 
I'm the one holding the gun.? 
Go figure. 
As if you didn't already know. 
I could see the cracks beginning to show. 
You know there won't be nothing left soon. 
I presume. 
Nothing but your doom.

This is me...
Drinking beer.  
To make sure i don't see clear. 
Will you forgive me Mom.? 
Staying indoors. 
No... I don't have any flaws. 
Taking "S*" 
Then drinking even more, you bet.
Will you forgive me Mom? 
Forgive me.? 
Please Forgive me for my Sins,
and all my Negative feelings. 
Please forgive me, for clearly i did not see. 
I sure as heck wasn't being me. 
Will you forgive me Mom.? 
For all the bad thing's that iv'e done.? 
Not like your "Goody Two-Shoes" Son.

It's time to un-***** this fantasized head 
of mine. wouldn't you say?
There isn't no one else to blame.
When through all the sunny days, all i see is rain.  
It's time that my higher self showed itself. 
Made an appearance.
wouldn't you say.? 
So show yourself.
Show me that i HAVEN'T been
left on the shelf
(again) 
HAVEN'T been left to fend for
my self. (again)
My own fault i know, but as i am talking to my higher-self What's my fault,
is also your fault.
Show me that i am praying for more
than just myself.

Was i once the apple of my daddy's eye?
I doubt it, by how quick/easily he said "Bye,bye"
Do i often ask myself "how could he"? and "Oh why"?
"You betcha" she say's bitterly with a sigh. They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...
But also the wicked witch said "Here is a nice juicy apple my dear, have it for free".
Well apparently nothing is free in this life.
There is alway's something someone's after.
Thus ending this chapter of the story that didn't end happily ever after.

I just don't get it.
Don't think i ever will.
Sick of going over the same ****.
In my head that is...
Most thing's i have forgiven,
Many thing's i have forgotten.
But you don't really care.
I know this by now, yeah...
(i convince myself)
i don't let it get me down,
For you i will never frown,
or will let you see my smile upside down.
can you see the "*******" in my smile Today?..

I can't say goodbye!!
I just can't bring myself to do it.
I don't know if i ever will be.
What little bits i have left of you are
All of me.
All i know.
And if i let you go, then i fear the stuff i will see.
I fear that i will be empty.
That i won't feel your courage and Hope guiding me.
I won't feel you next to me.

Don't you understand!
That withought you i am doomed
Standing in quicksand, with no help...
No way out.
However much i scream and shout.
So Please Forgive me Mum for keeping hold of you...
As just the thought of letting you go...
Letting go of my memories of you...
Are/is the last thing on this earth i would willingly do

If i didn't say goodbye,
it wouldn't bè real. 
I couldn't say goodbye,
because for me it would never be real. 

11 years later and still its not real. 
But missing you dearly. 
That's real. 
Thinking of you every day that's real. 
I found and picked up a Penny today. 
Was that you sending luck my way?

What is happening to me?
I can hardly remember you anymore. 
'Heck' i can just barely remember me,
or what day/month/even year it may be. 

Even though your gone, i want to get to know you.
See if you were like me.
As i waved to a magpie, 3rd one this month. 
I can't help but wonder. Yet again, as i shudder. 
Then it start's to rain and thunder.
I smile... 
Stealing my thought's.

Where was i..? 
Oh yes.. Rain&thunder Then i shudder. 
Deja-vu as i wonder. 
Tryin to remember, just as i forget.
More and more as i do.

Even my closest memories 
My memories of you. ***