Maybe it's not meant to be.
I shot my shot and fired.
I played myself to believe.
That I'm OK care free.
But ohh, the assassin life hired.
He put a gun to my head.
I told him to fire.
Cuz I'm so done to beg.
My wet eyes are tired.
So down to be held
So leave my neck wired
"I'm sorry"
But life hasn't been something I ever desired.

I thought i was good in a lot of stuff.
School, skills, smiling when life  got rough.
It shattered me a hundred pieces when i heard it.
"not good enough"
Now I'm fighting for a title i never had
looking at myself, amazed by how bad.
I was delusional i knew it.
But I'm the worst i found out.

I can feel the warmth of the sun that yet hasn't seen rise.
But I have a feeling that she'll come and fill my day with surprise.
I can't see it but I feel it.
The same way I sense a dim night.
While the clouds are trying to hide the sun.
in a losing fight.
I just hope that that night is never too scary.
I hope that I once again see light.

Truth is we lie and believe it..
We stare into our own souls through mirrors
And deceive it.
We search for something to guide us.
And with the smallest inconvenience we schuss.
We cry and beg for light.
We love and admire the night.
We lose ourselves and drown in tears.
Then treat self-consciousness as a curse, a fear
We're wandering on a cold boat
With no steering wheel, and no coat.

It felt like a bus hit me
A venomous snake bit me
Marching venom in my body's warfare
I felt betrayed and weak
Couldn't let out but a silent squeak
My eyes widened with doubt
My brain couldn't find a way out
"Is this real?!" Again and again
At this moment there was such unimaginable pain
Questions flooded my body
My thoughts turned ******
This feeling is like musical chords
Something I can't describe with words

The remaining of your lifeless body
Were some vivid images printed on my eyelids
some distorted memory tapes deforming in my brain

That night was a nightmare
I never woke up from
Every morning i still pinch myself
I bite my thumb
hoping the night is never too firm
hoping the morning comes

It's Killing me how
I'm starting to forget your face
Your glasses resting over your peaceful gaze
Your smile and innocent laugh brining life grace

I miss you and my annoying chats
I miss us playing with stray cats
I wish we wore your 20th birthday's hats

I miss such a young pure soul
I miss you as a whole
And i don't forgive the world for taking you
I don't forgive myself for every second not filling my eyes with you
Before you flew into the void of blue

I wish i said my goodbyes
Before it was too late
Before i knew that that night
such angel dies