I want to be a little old lady,
Sitting on my garden porch
Taking a sip of my earl grey tea
The birds, I'll sit and watch
I'll feed the crows, the sparrows and jays
I'll watch my flowers grow
I'll tend to my garden in the sunny days
I'll reminisce about long ago

Come the day when I turn eighty
I hope to do these things
I'll happily be that little old lady
Then eventually spread my wings
I'll fly with the crows, the sparrows and jays
I'll finally be at peace
I'll make my nest under the suns rays
I've found my sweet release

I want my poetry to sound like ******* you
Gentle, soft but desperate
Say my words how I trace my fingertips along your belt
And slowly,
Pull me in
I want you roped on my words, hanging on to every sentence
Waiting,
Longing
For a kiss
I want my words to taste as sweet as my lips
And leave you starving for more

Danger never felt so safe until you
The road signs turn to blurs
I know what I'm getting into
But it somehow calms my nerves
You asked me why I like being in your car
I told you my head goes quiet
You looked it me like it was bizarre
Like anyone else would be frightened
But danger feels so safe with you
I feel like I can finally breathe
With everything that I've been through,
Danger makes me feel free

I feel his desperate hands everywhere
He held me to the bed
What you did wasn't fair
"Keep quiet" I remember he said
He held a pillow over my face
So he didn't have to watch me cry
I lay still and quiet and stay in place,
Just asking god "but why?"
I feel his desperate hands everywhere
Even though it was long ago
I always have to be constantly aware
Whether its friend or foe
I feel his hands in every touch
I hate how much it haunts me
I didn't think it affected me this much,
I guess that's what they call ptsd

"You have so much courage to do things for others, but none for yourself."

I can't say no, or stop or go
I can't stick up for me,
One thing that you should know,
Is I'm fairly cowardly
But when it comes to what you need,
Or what you want to say,
I will take the step indeed,
I'll make sure you're okay
I will move mountains for you,
I'll bring a city to ashes
And at the end of the day, when I am through,
My body crumbles and it crashes
I have never been one, to put myself first
My own battles, I'll run and I'll only get hurt
But for you I'll stand up
I'll bring the gods to their knees
I'll make volcano's erupt,
I'll get rid of disease
I'll fly to the moon,
I'll put out the sun
And by this afternoon,
It'll all be done
Because I'd do anything for anyone
I'd risk my own health,
I'd do anything for anyone,
Except for myself

It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces  
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived

I miss my little cardboard box,
Back when I was young
I miss sitting and playing with blocks
We used to have so much fun
I miss my little cardboard box,
I'd sit in there for hours
Mess around sticks and rocks,
Make potions out of flowers
Now I'm almost twenty four,
I guess I'm all grown now
Even still I long for before,
In my little cardboard house