A friend the other
day
told me a story
  of a cousin-neighbor-friend
some kid
who saw a kid get bullied on the
      TV
and he told his
grandmother the story
  as if the memory was his own
           and she
                      freaked
out and called the school
   raving/yelling until
she found out that the story
wasn't her grandson's at all
          just a fabrication
in a blank space
his mind thought a
   memory
            should be and
a friend the other
day
told me that last week she cut
lines into her
   self
because she needed to feel anything
         and I didn't
                       freak
out because I understand
that we need to feel
pain
and we need to remember
pain                          
   and you can try to ****
   the feeling out the feeling
       that too much is easy and
you   are    weak
    because of it
or
you can
             fabricate
pain
   in a way that let's you
tell yourself you deserve all of the
love you crave so severely

Fly free,
question,
and be heard when ya wanna be.
Eyes have limits
In a world full of gimmicks,
But you fuse what you choose to see.
A part of me,
wants to get lost at sea,
Land on an island surround by trees
In mother nature's company
I will relearn to breathe
and take on a life of peace with ease.
Remember to think, before acting to please.
Yet the joy of spontaneity can come on like a breeze.
The internal world, affects everything around you.
This universe hides secrets to bask in and astound you.
Power is limitless when you discover the profound you.
Believe in the oneness and there's no telling what you'll amount to.

we stole dandelions from the fields
like hard-time criminals
and watched as they melted
in the palms of our hands--

i should have realized it was a
perfect euphemism
for the months to follow.

Burning of eyes as I just awoke
My room pitch black
The warmth of my bed makes me want to stay forever
But excitement boils over my five year old mind
as I remember it is Christmas morning

My feet turn to ice as I stick them out of the blanket
The floor making them stick.
I lift up my feet and gallop to my sisters room.
Boom, boom, boom,
My heels make contact with the hardwood floor

I grab the golden **** to my sisters room
I push quietly but fast
The door makes a slight squeak
I sprint to her bedside.
“WAKE UP CAMILLE IT’S CHRISTMAS!” I yell in the middle of her room.
At that point, I didn’t care about waking my parents up.

She sits right up with a smile on her face
And flings the blankets beside her legs as she puts her feet to the ground.
We race down the hallway
Dogs nails tapping on the floor as they follow us to the living room
The big, dusty, gross purple couch is the barrier between
me and the present I have been dreaming about for this entire year,
A new bike.
I run around the couch to see the chrome shining in the moonlight
The tires casting a shadow over the small area rug.
Stockings on the back of the big leather chair,
which instantly drew our attention.

We tear open the stockings and compare the new trinkets we got.
Cardboard, tin wrapping, and chocolate wrappers flying everywhere.
We were smiling so much I swear we could hear them.

Parents come out to see us grinning beside the heater as we tear apart our favorite toy for the day.
We gather around the living room like it was superbowl sunday and the tree is our
flatscreen.
The blue and silver and red and green collage of corny wrapping paper,
the giant boxes wrapped tightly and perfectly.

Dad is beside the tree, deciding which present we can open, and lightly tossing it to us.
We catch is as carefully as we could, set it on our laps and wait for our turn to unwrap.

As thank you’s are thrown around like baseballs at a little league practice
I patiently glance at my mom, and get the nod that I can unwrap.
This square box is staring eye to eye with me and I get the jitters as I unwrap it.
The red paper finally off, I open the box with ease.

What I found was the coolest thing ever, thats all I remember.

But now, that box is filled with my happiness.
My memories.
Never has an empty box held so much.
It has the family dinners,
The camp outs and bon fires.
The laughs that come from the belly while playing games around the table.
The piano lessons for hours
And those coloring books that were more sacred than the bible.

But for now, the box is closed for the time being.
Sitting upon a shelf in my closet, waiting for the right time to be opened again.

The greatest gift I have ever received is the memories of home.
What home is to me is all inside that box.

Dads cooking on the table,
Moms questions about our day at school,
Camille talking about her math homework.

Now it’s just two lonely guys sitting at a table
discussing how ****** the economy is,
girls,
that one time when he tried to give me “the talk”
But he doesn’t need to, I go to public school after all.

What I am trying to say is, I miss those family dinners more than anything.
I miss the nights we would spend outside gazing at the stars
Pointing out the constellations in the sky and making up our own.

I look for those constellations all the time.
I once found a rose, and I named it Camille.
Dad never knew why I named it that, since shes my sister.
I named the constellation of the rose Camille because
Well, she has the rosy cheeks and the lovely smile.
But she sure as hell has her thorns.

A family dinner now is three people instead of four,
I say bedroom with a plural,

But this family, although gone through hell and back,
We live together in between different walls, roads, and doors.
But most of all, we live behind our present, and live in the past.

I want to end this by saying, Christmas brings new memories and my favorite time of the year,
because then my family exists.
I started to open presents slower and slower,
and hugging tighter and tighter.
And loving more and more.
I love you, Mom, Dad, Camille.
I really do, even when you think I don’t,
I love you guys, and I always will.

Every once in a while I think of us,
and what we used to be.
Since the day I met you our relationship has confused me.

I remember the excitement,
the warmth in our first kiss.
But I also remember the pain,
and how even when we were together I could feel the loneliness.

I try to dwell on the words you say to me,
the butterflies inside,
But I can't forget your absence,
and the painful tears I cried.

Though some time has past I still get jealous,
I still wish you were someone that your not.
Sometimes I wish I could forget,
and perhaps become less distraught.

But no matter how many times I feel my heart ache,
you will always be my first.
And no amount of time will change that,
or make the clock reverse.

The transformation yields to no one;
Sugar cube swallowing
to stop the fury and fire dancing.
In your black and white blizzard,
there is a frenzy.

The gray is for all us hollow,
burnt and pricked, suffering the Consequence
and stepping on the broken glass.

You made a home beneath my skin.
I was swollen, but not for long.
I lived within the sun,
the skin, and the soul, It is just now
I found that I've been inside
of a tornado the entire time.

I say, my saving grace,
**** me in and spit me out once more,
Asphyxiate and resuscitate.

The next, you may be unending, on fire.
The flowers may grow again in your footsteps.
You grow and the world follows.

You put the trail through this forbidden wood.
I find myself pacing through its evergreen, ever-lost.

Your wind whips and the blades of grass
cackle beneath the sun, your rays
lash and burn and sting.

I still don't feel a thing.

I don't like parties.
I generally avoid them.
But one night
I allow myself to get dragged along
To one such gathering
Against my better judgement.

But that's not my greatest fear.

At the party
The drink is flowing
And people start to do stupid things.
Lots of goofing around
Photographs are taken
Including one of me
With a bra draped over my head
And two cocktail sausages
Stuck up my nose.

But that's not my greatest fear.

After the party
I stagger home
Drunk
And somehow
For reasons which aren't clear
I am abducted
By a group of armed terrorists.

But that's not my greatest fear.

I remain in captivity
For ten years
And during that time
Occasional appeals are made
For my release
And each time I am mentioned on TV
They show the last photo taken of me

...With a bra draped over my head
And two cocktail sausages
Stuck up my nose.

And that,
Ladies and gentlemen,
Is my very greatest fear.

I'm just like you
Take a look in the mirror
I have the same features as you
I have the same pain
If not more
Hell awaits my coming
But till then I shall feed Lady Death
With the souls of those I ****
But they don't have a soul
Because they are all me
I'm a serial killer poet
But its not anybody you know I ****
I **** the multiple personalities
To the sick and twisted side of my mind
Let me be the next victim please
I can't stand to live this way
I am awaiting the chair
Maybe lethal injection
Anything will be better than this
Constantly killing
I'm just the typical serial killer poet
I hunger for blood
Thirst for the scent of rotting flesh
I get off with my constant suicide
I envy the way I die
But sadly I cannot attain this gift
I'm a serial killer poet
But I **** myself within my poetry
Not people I don't know in life
So call me crazy
Throw me in an asylum
Lock me up and throw away the key
I will continue to be nothing more
Than a serial killer poet

Me
I'm

"the yin, the dishonesty, the wilted flower, the missed bus, the south pole, the depressive, the bad, the foul, the sinner, the mad, the spoiled and spilled milk, the F on your final paper, the nightmare, the rain, sleet, snow, thunder, and lightning."

You
You're

"the yang, the truth, the full bloom of spring, the early bird, the north pole, the manic, the good, the superior, the saint, the sane, the right amount of sweet in your cereal, the A+ when you least expected it, the daydream, the bright, beautiful, sunny, with a cool breeze day."

They say we mesh well, that we need the one to appreciate the other, that without me; there would be no you.

And so I put the bullet in the chamber, not knowing whether to bite it, or to save it for the rain, sleet, snow, thunder, and lightning.