I don't like parties.
I generally avoid them.
But one night
I allow myself to get dragged along
To one such gathering
Against my better judgement.

But that's not my greatest fear.

At the party
The drink is flowing
And people start to do stupid things.
Lots of goofing around
Photographs are taken
Including one of me
With a bra draped over my head
And two cocktail sausages
Stuck up my nose.

But that's not my greatest fear.

After the party
I stagger home
Drunk
And somehow
For reasons which aren't clear
I am abducted
By a group of armed terrorists.

But that's not my greatest fear.

I remain in captivity
For ten years
And during that time
Occasional appeals are made
For my release
And each time I am mentioned on TV
They show the last photo taken of me

...With a bra draped over my head
And two cocktail sausages
Stuck up my nose.

And that,
Ladies and gentlemen,
Is my very greatest fear.