How many times can I check facebook, check facebook check facebook?
Glance, browse stalk, stalk harder.
How many times can I watch a show on my computer?
Watched, finished, next episode next episode next episode-caught up
How many times can I get distracted, get distracted check emails—no new messages
Entertain me, distract me, disconnect
I want to be turned on standby, autopilot, you can think for me
Keep the walls of paper from burying me, suffocating me
Intellectually flat-line, a mental goodbye
Lose consciousness, fake my awake
Get lost, then found then actually find my way back to my workload
Attempt the task that terrifies
Look it in the eye,
Unafraid eager and tackle it down to the ground
One subject two three,
But the pile it looms over me, consumes me
I bit off more than I can chew
Teeth that don’t release, don’t retract
All I think of is how I should act
Attack, straight on? That’s the best bet
Nothing was ever accomplished by sitting down in fret
The stakes are just too high to try
A failed attempt changes impressions
Self-Conceptions

Need a medium to express
My internal regress
Mental capacity fading fast
No way to form thoughts of the past
Words, art, song
All quite wrong
No way to describe
What I keep inside
Now this will have to do
While I sit and stew

Blank page: you intimidate me
I try to fill you up
With black
But it looks like dirt
Sharp Words
Harsh scratches-
Rigid on the page
Aligned unnaturally
Just
                 Empty
                                Space
          To                                              fill
My thoughts do not thrill
Victory-the blankness has been killed

When I look at you I see a fragile balloon
Stretched so thin is the membrane which contains you
Outside the rubber we stand
Needles fiercely at hand
I try and try to block the other’s attack
Or substitute dull knives so you won’t crack
However, my own is bubbling, yearning to pop
As I slowly realize that I hold a power I can’t contain or hope to stop
“Sensitivity” You ask?
What? I need to better safe guard?
You gave me this power.
Walk around like I am the one surrounded with more glass?
Abuse was inevitable from bias eyes
Easily spawning your destructive lies
You seem to forget my discipline exceeds on my part
Sorry sweetie, there's no one alive that can safely hold your heart

She knows her every desire
That her mind and body require
With a rythmic mind
Notes that form a line
Sway and bounce to the sound
Shut up it can never be too loud

She knows how to lose it
When up turns the music
Smiles carefree and easy
Taste may verge on cheesy
Turn up your rock and roll
Start to lose control

She knows how to move
When they play her grove
Sunny days in Auzzie's land
Playing all day in the sand
Spends her time by the water
Watching as the sun makes it hotter

A moving mindless sway
Is how she likes to play
Growing her appetite for ffun
A bright white smile to helplessly stun
Her name in every song
So catchy you'll want to sing along

19 forever young
Now go out to celebrate your fun!

A rose’s charm forever in contrast with its thorns of adversity
The sweetness of its sent forever heightened by the punishment of its affliction
A rose’s pride forever silenced by the reminder of its hubris
Forever, a warning to admirers of its beauty

He never kisses me
tells me he misses me
holds my hand
It's all falling apart
Can we go back to the start?
You've grasped my heart

It's not fair to expect so much
But as I reach to feel your touch
I can't help but tighten my clutch
It's all fallen apart

We aren't together
but I believed your 'forever'
It's just not good enough
Waiting it out hurts
but an ending would be worse

My hopes only grow to be crushed
So I'll just wait in pain
and wait and wait and wait...

You pulled me into reality
Only you can see my true personality
When I'm around you I can't find my breath
Pull me in the moment, remove all my stress

Cuz your smile got me dazed
Your body got me crazed
So tell me this could last forever
Just me and you happily together

foolish girl:
you cant stop time
rewind
so leave the past behind
its not mine
move on
you may fall on your face but stand back up
the ground may seem warm
but battling even the smallest of storms
is worth the fight
A brave kite
that remains all alone at night
see it take flight
learn to be more alike
Now, now comes the time to let go
fall forwards face-first in the snow
let your spine feel the shiver
but know you will arise a winner
if you only think about getting up
so foolish girl, tell all the voices saying otherwise to shut the **** up

The world is not black and white
Unlike my pages
I cannot box you in
I cannot figure you out
Not a game of loss and win
Only confusing actions I doubt

Simplicity was never an option
Illusions to take comfort
Colours spill from all directions
No eraser for permanent lines
So I can just try
To bottle my confessions
So no one can ever know
Of the many marks you left
Hidden- I dare not show

You restart my heart
Put it into cardiac arrest
Make it bounce and flip—these unnatural things
But what else can I do?
To ensure that I can have this same affect on you?

I hope it drowns out the screams of reality
To paint happiness with a youthful brush
Replacing my childhood with happier memories
A forced fantasy
A dream rather than a sober possibility

Craving my youth
Got no excuse
Want the experience
Drugged up and delirious

Last chance is fading
No more time for waiting
Hurry or I'll explode
Boom, recharge reload

Carefree is still a mystery
I'm on a deadline
**** my aging time

Young wild and free forever
Craving some youth
Got no excuse
Take life by the *****
No more time flowering on walls

Mistake isn't a luxury I can learn from
No opportunity
Hungry and crazed
No breathe to fill my days

Pinch out my dreams
Pull me into reality
Turn off my gravity
Remove the ground
That ties me down

I got you now
A verbal trap
There's no way out
When I see a weakness I can crack
Little girl, better watch your back
Cuz' I got skills that you lack
You're pathetic attempts
Are just no match
For me- just keep arguing and you'll see
Bad motives look golden
You just gotta learn when to raise the stakes and when to fold em'

Alone
Alone and happy
Recharging
Unlike you:
The girl who smiles-
Sweet giggles
With your carefree eye crinkles
You who laughs with your sun
Gravitationally pulling others into your orbit
Magnetizing them with your charm
No, we are nothing alike
I am stuck in my mind while you stuck in the sunshine
Stuck in company
Centre of attention
She speaks her mind precisely and accurately
Gets what she wants
And always knows just what to say
No, you and I are nothing alike and although I may try
To find, the girl like you inside of me
I wonder really if there can ever be
A display of a truly accurate expression of me

the steam of rage cloud the mind
the mind melts but does not cry
the tears are for no one to hear
the sounds of sadness, amplify fear
the fear to live like the fear to die
cannot escape, we all know why

Lumber is stoked and the flames rise higher
Time passes and I hope that they do heal but still they cannot be soothed
All I can wish for is that with time, they will be subdued
For now they simply rise and rise, higher and higher into the limitless sky
I may try to cut off the oxygen supply
Will I die?
Maybe if I don’t breathe
Maybe if I don’t feel I can protect myself—no that is simply wishful thinking
The yells and screams aren’t the worst part
It’s the subtle silence and tension that pulls at my heart
You shouldn’t be together, you aren’t happy, not in
Love.
Have you forgotten what it means?
Now it is something I can only hope to attain in my dreams
Two people unraveled stand before me
Nothing would suggest their inability to act tame
It is up to me to water down my flame
It may be too late for the corruption of my ideas--
Ideals no more
But I could never trust someone who picks a *****

Loneliness- the blankest canvas
She paints her face like painting on her mask
Adding clothes to fill in your perception
Dark thoughts hidden by pretty blue windows

She can tell you what you want to hear
She can tell you some pretty words
Chatting away, just like anyone else
For her, it only requires a little more stealth
To meet her, it’ll be your pleasure
But her real thoughts are hidden like a buried treasure
Demanding a hunt and skillful measures

In your arms it feels so safe
In your arms I fit in place
But the words you say and acts you do
Make me question which is true

The laughs piercing through like jagged knives
Scraping though the ears, throat, heart…
They claw their way in-I cannot shut it out
A casual moment to the world no doubt
Shut up
Is this being done on purpose?
I know feeling this ****** isn’t worth it
Why do I care so much?
Are people just that interchangeable?
You avoid my eyes I avoid your company
Do you notice these things?
Do you edit your acts too?
I know I shouldn’t care what you do

You understood me
Eyes revealed secret confessions
Only you knew
And now our eyes shall never meet
Our bodies never touch
In fear it would be too much
We’ve replaced the roles
But not the insight
You saw my best
Sympathized about the rest
And noted everything else
Fluid and in sync
But now that has changed

You've left me in a mental mess
and I’ve tried to clean mine up
Allowing honesty to seep through
Now the spotlight shines on you
You’re next move?
Not what I expect
You should feel no regret
For me, it’s impossible to forget
You wear it daily on your face
It comes out in our shared space
Your name for me has changed
Mirroring a greater change
Will we ever mimic normalcy
What goes on in that head?
Silent to no end
Maybe this time apart
Can give you semi fresh start
That’s not what I want
But what I want is never an option
I don’t want to forget how it was
I don’t regret how it was
I’ll miss that more than I’ll admit
I like the match and how we fit
But you’ve outgrown me
No efforts to reconnect
Don’t know if it’s possible
I just hope you remember when it was good
So someone can smile at the past

Our fluid conversations are dead
Stupid issues many in your head
I’ve never done this before
No thanks, I’m done
Broken and sore
Recovery is my new chore