He never kisses me
tells me he misses me
holds my hand
It's all falling apart
Can we go back to the start?
You've grasped my heart

It's not fair to expect so much
But as I reach to feel your touch
I can't help but tighten my clutch
It's all fallen apart

We aren't together
but I believed your 'forever'
It's just not good enough
Waiting it out hurts
but an ending would be worse

My hopes only grow to be crushed
So I'll just wait in pain
and wait and wait and wait...

In your arms it feels so safe
In your arms I fit in place
But the words you say and acts you do
Make me question which is true

Loneliness- the blankest canvas
She paints her face like painting on her mask
Adding clothes to fill in your perception
Dark thoughts hidden by pretty blue windows

She can tell you what you want to hear
She can tell you some pretty words
Chatting away, just like anyone else
For her, it only requires a little more stealth
To meet her, it’ll be your pleasure
But her real thoughts are hidden like a buried treasure
Demanding a hunt and skillful measures

The laughs piercing through like jagged knives
Scraping though the ears, throat, heart…
They claw their way in-I cannot shut it out
A casual moment to the world no doubt
Shut up
Is this being done on purpose?
I know feeling this ****** isn’t worth it
Why do I care so much?
Are people just that interchangeable?
You avoid my eyes I avoid your company
Do you notice these things?
Do you edit your acts too?
I know I shouldn’t care what you do

You understood me
Eyes revealed secret confessions
Only you knew
And now our eyes shall never meet
Our bodies never touch
In fear it would be too much
We’ve replaced the roles
But not the insight
You saw my best
Sympathized about the rest
And noted everything else
Fluid and in sync
But now that has changed

You've left me in a mental mess
and I’ve tried to clean mine up
Allowing honesty to seep through
Now the spotlight shines on you
You’re next move?
Not what I expect
You should feel no regret
For me, it’s impossible to forget
You wear it daily on your face
It comes out in our shared space
Your name for me has changed
Mirroring a greater change
Will we ever mimic normalcy
What goes on in that head?
Silent to no end
Maybe this time apart
Can give you semi fresh start
That’s not what I want
But what I want is never an option
I don’t want to forget how it was
I don’t regret how it was
I’ll miss that more than I’ll admit
I like the match and how we fit
But you’ve outgrown me
No efforts to reconnect
Don’t know if it’s possible
I just hope you remember when it was good
So someone can smile at the past

Our fluid conversations are dead
Stupid issues many in your head
I’ve never done this before
No thanks, I’m done
Broken and sore
Recovery is my new chore

The world is not black and white
Unlike my pages
I cannot box you in
I cannot figure you out
Not a game of loss and win
Only confusing actions I doubt

Simplicity was never an option
Illusions to take comfort
Colours spill from all directions
No eraser for permanent lines
So I can just try
To bottle my confessions
So no one can ever know
Of the many marks you left
Hidden- I dare not show

Blank page: you intimidate me
I try to fill you up
With black
But it looks like dirt
Sharp Words
Harsh scratches-
Rigid on the page
Aligned unnaturally
Just
                 Empty
                                Space
          To                                              fill
My thoughts do not thrill
Victory-the blankness has been killed

the steam of rage cloud the mind
the mind melts but does not cry
the tears are for no one to hear
the sounds of sadness, amplify fear
the fear to live like the fear to die
cannot escape, we all know why