Really?
this is what you do
to me,
you might as well
be the one dragging the
blade across my wrist!
tying the rope
and place it around
my neck
and while your
at it, kick my chair...

the problem is,
i know theres something wrong
i know by the way i go from trying everything at once
to dropping it all in sullen silence
i know by the way my voice shifts from high pitch
to a monotonous quiet drone
i know when i lay in my bed staring at the ceiling fan
i know by the way i draw, play, sing, and dance
to laying on my couch, not really watching the tv
and i know mostly when i pray
for God to make the dreary go away

who knows why i came back to this site
maybe its because my source of communication sits dead in the muddy waters in that cold lake
and without a soul to talk to, i write myself:
Dear Me:
i know you're trying, so don't worry about that. i know you are a happy person and you just long every ******* day to let go of this sadness that creeps in at the worst of times. i know you don't like having to always be fidgeting, how you always bounce you're feet during church or class.  i know you love God, and i know you are trying. Dear, just be still. stop worrying, stop fidgeting, stop remembering. look at what you've accomplished, and smile. you've done so much and you have so much more to give. let it go. and if you can't let it go, and when your strength is gone and your hopes fall low. remember I love you, God loves you, and you were beautifully made. goodnight. xoxo

It surely is difficult to fathom
How the mere act of reaching out to someone in need
Can save the whole world
Shining light on a soul
Shines light on us all
By saving someone else
You save yourself