Is it self loathing?
Even a warped self awareness perhaps?
Maybe, maybe not.
Maybe its acceptance.
The forced march forwards to inevitable doom,
I am the war council and the soldier.
I am the battlefield and I am the on winning side,
For if I win I lose and if I lose I win.
The world is the house and the house will always win.
Funny, it seems. Absurd almost.
How much I just don't care anymore.
Empathy eaten away.
Pacman running rampant, severing the ties that bind myself to this war.
Godhood, ascension. A lobotomy to save the flesh from its commander.
We'll go over the top soon I'm sure, we can't hide in this trench forever.
We'll see the sky and feel the warmth. The bullet ridden carapace a legacy with an eye on the abyss.
The struggle over, no capitulation.

The anxiety and excitement is palpable,
Gnawing at the mind, claw finger probing.
Who cares which entrance just shove in!

'please take a seat and wait sir, your journey will begin soon'.
Relax and take in the scenery as light comes alive.
Is the expectation.
The reality is crushing and humiliating.
Dreams shredded. Hopes shattered.
The plane did not leave the run way and disintegrated into a heap of disappointment.

Time to book a different flight.

The eye on upon the eyes, the eyes upon the mausoleum. The eye upon the face of God as it seeps throughout your veins. The eye upon the crowd that marvel as you linger with your tincture. The eye upon the heart, beating, slamming against the head. The eyes upon the audience, that watch as you watch. The iris in its garden of Eve. Iris in the hole. Dark horror beware because the gecko is in town. Watching on the wall.

Waking in these dreams,
It's always me and you.
In this world, our endless ecstasy.
The dragon seems ever so far away

Pills, pills, pills across the board!
Pills in the eyes
Pills in the throat
Pills pills pills!
Pills in your sleep
Pills with your supper
Pills pills pills!

Inside our sollace, our suicide, our killing and ******.
Inside in its splendor and its candid horror.
The door is terrifying. Terrific! And terrible.
The other world, clawing, scraping at the seams.
Bounce away on your bouncy castle you silly little boy.
Break your legs and tear your throat.
There are more than your own eyes on your demise.

Here sister,
Why do you hide from your friends?
Here silly,
We are your friends.
Stay sister,
Its just us.
Hear sister?
Nothing cries, and no-one cries but you.