Remember that girl whom they would all fawn over,
Mistakes were nothing and prayers she received.
She had their back and knew every little answer to all problems so big.
She would bat her eyes and disallow tears.
She would keep her head up high and her shoulders rested.
They wondered why she walked so fast not a footprint to be left in the seeds and grass.
She had to get away.
Popularity was her biggest confusion.
Away she ran God forbid she would be alone.
She was.
She needed the time.
She was no god, nor did she wish to be idolized.
Everyone matters, she felt it in her heart.
As soon as the bad mood came and took its place, she ran, tripped, and cried on the concrete.
The crowd became paparazzi.
She didn't want to trend anymore.
Time was needed to deal but not heal what she couldn't.
They walked away.
That is all she
Ever
Wanted.

If I ever cross your mind,
make it a circle.
Think of me,
and write me down in the puzzle.
X's and O's,
I was the one you chose.
I'll apply lipstick and plant an X on your lips.
An O you can wrap your arms around my hips.
Just breathe and I will burry my head in your chest,
Feeling nothing but sugar and lemon zest.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
this is now all in my head and you left me, so
*******.

Oops,
I forgot yesterday was your birthday.
And,
We haven't talked for over a year.
Well,
you were my good friend.
But,
We are gone from each other.
So,
I didn't wish you a happy birthday.
However,
I know you had cake.
Then,
Cut yourself a slice and eat it.
Because,
the gold crumbly cake with chocolate frosting is something you need.
Therefore,
You don't need me anymore.
Furthermore,
I am not your sweet cake that you can eat up and forget about.
And now,
I am better.

Like I said on the phone with you that very upsetting night.
We both saw a dark sky but you felt a cold chill in the air.
I may have been warm but I was nowhere near pleased with myself.
I behaved as a child in front of you due to your honesty that we shouldn't go further.
You were right despite my devastated heart.
It was all you who carried a genuine heart and you were a man.
A man who listens to one he cares for and has patience.
A man who tells a person who speaks of nothing but their life and problems to stop and say something positive.
You were a man who told me I should think better of myself.
Well,
I have tried.
And from then on and today I just don't know how to respond to men like you.
I knew you were too perfect for me, and thus you are the perfect example of what a man should be.
You respect so graciously and have fun in the best ways.
I could never forget you and your attempt to bring me into your life.
Though it didn't work out for us, and it was only one date, I dare say you were the best I ever had.
I don't love you, just remember you and hope you are doing well.
You did not break my heart. It was already broken.
That should have been my own red flag.
Going back to that night on the phone, something was missing in that apology.
Before I hung up, I should have told you something important.
I never really know how to respond to men who show interest in me.
I have a lot of baggage and thus it's embarrassing.
There are not many men who have stepped up to the plate and wanted me like that.
The others are pictures to burn, but you
are remembered in my mind.
I may not have kept in touch but I keep you in memory just love thinking of your smile as you used to gaze into my eyes.
Even if your eyes are in another her and she makes you smile everyday, you deserve to be happy.
I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.
That very upsetting night, we both agreed you were right.
Being in love
Was wrong.
And you pressed the red button
First.

I am defeated by publicity, these pens run out of ink for a reason.
None of my thoughts deserve to be on paper, therefore the sheets are blank and the journals remain closed and put away so even I can't find them.
I wanted this for myself and nobody quite understands.
I have begged, I have pleaded, I have fallen to my knees to show how I feel for them.
They roll their eyes and walk away every time.
Remind me, that i am just here. A person. And I don't have to matter.

The pool residing in the rear yard of my home,
gorgeous blue eye color in the polar solvent elements.
You would expect it to flood the grass and concrete around it
as adolescents jump in and came out dripping wet.
They didn't.
It didn't.
For years my clueless mind couldn't tell my senses to reach out.
All I needed was a group to trust, not just a phone with only numbers.
The pool in the rear yard had lonely circles after one person jumped in.
Me.
I would come out dripping wet and barely even flood the cement deck.
There I would sit on a patio chair and talk to myself and ignore my imaginary friends.
I had it to myself but never wanted it to be that way.
The pool was nothing but my own wasted river.