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I wish I remembered.
Only then would I have an excuse
to not forgive.

Forgetting
is not unexperiencing.
Its being left with a lingering reminisce,
a senseless dread,
a dull ache
that you can't find the source of.

I wish I remembered
so that I can hate you
without hating myself.

Because it feels like you did so much
while doing nothing at all.

But I know you did.
I know you hurt me,
I know you hurt me.

I just can't quite
remember.
I have really bad memory and it makes me vulnerable to being hurt repeatedly by toxic people because I don't remember what they did wrong. It still hurts, though.
Good dogs listen

Bad dogs bite

Hurt dogs
cower
whine
bite
and listen
when the one person who is paid to
encourage, help, believe
in you

finally
gives up on you

you tend to feel
a little
hopeless

if a shrink can’t fix me,
maybe i’m not meant to be fixed

maybe i'm just not meant to be
39
Who are you?

Immovable ponytail
School hoodie
Rectangle glasses.

Obnoxious laughing
Oblivious, blunt
Complete idiot.

Niche interests
Fictional men
Cat pictures.

Motherly, Childish
Protective,
Silly.

Passionate
Empathetic
Loving.

Off-p­utting art
Little trinket gifts
Poetry.


Who are you?

Thirty Nine,
Itsy bitsy.

Yeah, thats you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BESTIE <3333
I don’t have myself in me
My insides are hollow and dull
My mind is foggy gray
And my heart is a darkened ash

I don’t have poetry in me
My words have run dry
My language has lost its depth
And I can’t find how to end this stanza
Hah hah hah
Isn’t it funny

Funny how everything kind of *****
And we’re stuck in the same repetitive loop

Every day and every day and every day
And we’re constantly just working towards another repetition,
Another drain, more work,
And it never stops, does it?
No, it never stops

Because even in the intermissions
Your mind never stops
It never stops
You’ll never stop thinking thinking thinking
About everything, everything
All at once
All the time

And nothing nothing nothing
Because you’re truly are insignificant, aren’t you?
Isn’t this all insignificant in the end?
Yes, you lead a truly insignificant life.
Over 35,000 people are born every day,
About 100 billion people have died since the world began

Too much, much too much, and yet not quite enough
Not quite enough, no
It’s never enough
Never enough

You’re not enough
You’re nothing, remember?
Remember remember remember remember remember remember?

Remember, this is funny,
Because its all just a big ******* joke
Yeah, you’re a joke!
You’re so so funny, and you’re so so laughing right now.
No difference between laughing with or at, right?
Laughing and crying, am I right? Theres no difference

No difference
No difference
No difference

Remember, yeah?
Remember you can make that number about 100 billion and 1.
It’s funny because it’s true.
Inspired by Alice Oseman’s Solitaire
My silence isn’t voluntary
And my tears aren’t a choice

I don’t cover my ears for attention
And it’s not that I’ve lost my voice

There’s millions of words running laps in my head
And my hearts pumping for a marathon

My medullas pumping epinephrine
And box breathing can’t get past one

And you’re staring straight at me
And blaming me for being dramatic and weak

I really wish I could do this,
I’m sorry I’m like this
I swear I didn’t choose to be like this,
I’m sorry I can’t just ******* speak.
My therapist gets mad when I can’t talk in sessions because I literally just shut down every time… which prevents me from talking.
Same thing with my parents every time they confront me.
Hahh so fun.
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