your breath tastes like freshly poured beer off the tap
Boston lager—bitter and woody
as hard as your hand pressing against my thighs
then you go in and I pretend to enjoy it

I do but you do it too hard.
I liked it better when we both had ***** stinging breaths
you stare at my body—and suddenly I don’t feel **** anymore

I have a small pouch at my navel
purplish stretch marks near the bottom
that I awkwardly tried to cover with drugstore foundation
I'm wearing my sexiest red thong *******…
in hopes that you don’t stare at those small 8 lines

I’m not that boss ***** of last week…
I’m a scared little girl, infatuated with the fact that you like me
as you play with me I try to enjoy it
but the fluorescent lights are on—burning shame into my brain
I feel your penetrating stares through my body
so I start praying for the lights to be off

when you turn the lights off I try to be **** but I can’t
you pull me to the edge and **** me…
you don’t touch and rub my body like last time.
am I that unappealing unless your drunk?

then you *** and snuggle next to me.
we talk about ambiguous things and I’m just wishing you liked that.
I call you ‘baby’
and you immediately shut me down.
what am I doing wrong—am I just the girl for right now?
i want to be the girl for later but how do you do that?

maybe if I stayed in your bed till 4 am I would have more hope I guess ill just deal with whatever happens I just don’t give a **** anymore.

Today, a simple calendar day.
Not a holiday, but today: Sunday.
I gave up my first love,
He was the most wonderful love.
He made me feel like no man had ever before.
He hugged me with those big bear hugs.
Kissed me so passionately,
Made love to me so sweetly.
But fights and retained anger ate away our relationship.
He was all I ever dreamed for,
Yet I let him escape me.
It was mostly me,
It's always me.
I'm the one with the problems and issues.
Never him,
He's blessed with perfection.
And now I'm stuck reminiscing about his affection.
He says he'll change for me,
But what to do ?
Give this a go?
To find out he doesn't love me anymore.
How about we part now ?
Go our separate ways,
Before it hurts too much to bear .
I love you so much away from me you'll be happy,
You'll have you're dreamworld.
Away from this rotten little girl .

How can I just lay here and accept this,
Accept the fact that I'm not loved.
Not loved by you nor anyone else,
You're supposed to love me; that's why you created me.
Oh I'm sorry I forgot I was a mistake.
I was never planned,
Nor waited for.
I just happened and you didn't want to be a murderer.
You should have gotten rid of me,
Because now you **** me everyday.
You hurt me with words,
I cry and you offer no comfort.
I complain and you give me no compassion.
I can't ever be good enough for you,
You scream and hurt me.
Even when I believe I'm doing my best,
You'll show me I'm not.
I take it all in because I just want you to love me.
That's all I really long for.
That's why as a child I went and slept with men,
Because I thought they could fill this heart.
That didn't help it just made the pain more apparent,
And made me feel *****.
Momma I just wanted you to love me.
How hard is that?

It feels like everything's different.
Nothing's the same.
Everyone's grown,
And everyone's changed.
We've left our comfort zone,
At least some I know.
I just left home,
It's as if I'm alone.
I am alone in a sense where I get to be me,
I get to express myself and be free.
I get to sleep naked,
And eat what I want.
We're not kids anymore,
We're adults.
Such a final word,
A word that means the world.
When you're an "adult" everything changes,
If you snuggle it has some double standard,
You can't say you're lonely it goes against the standards.
So what can you do ?
Be unhappy,
Work a 9-5 and deal.
I refuse to be different,
I will be the same as before.
Yet improved,
I will snuggle all I want,
Without having to explain what I want.
I will eat everything my heart desires,
Even if it's not sticking to my "diet".
I refuse to be unhappy,
Because I know the taste of happy.
And it won't get away.
Society needs to stop making me,
Forcing me to change.

My dear friend,
My young wounded solider.
Love comes and goes,
Sorrow fills you up then flows.
But don't let those negative emotions affect you.
They hurt you and reject you .
My young wounded warrior,
You deserve love and light to surround you.
Much pain you have passed in your young earth age.
You didn't deserve it but it happens.
What happened to you happens to others,
But we can fix that just fix you.
Warrior it's time to let go,
They all want you to hurt and squirm under the pain.
Don't give them they satisfaction of your pain.
The best way is to glow light, love, and happiness.
So warrior now you must embark on a path of love and light.
And along your path only Angels will guide you.
Warrior you're not alone, you are love and light.

I'm here trying to reach out to you ,
I'm trying to give you the love you need.

But you're a broken bird,
You reject me as you please.

Once again she stuffed her face,
She did it so that the pain didn't come up to the surface.
She ate and ate until she couldn't anymore,
She's empty and needs to fill the void.
She looks thin,
But her appetite is nothing like her appearance.
She sees herself as that fat little girl that got bullied all the time,
She doesn't see the pounds she's lost or the inches she lost.
No one in real life wants her,
Only online is where people want her.
Many just want to have *** with her and toss her,
She believes their "love" and falls for their tricks.
She gifts them with her pure heart,
They just use it and tear it apart.
She's ****** up,
She's trying to change but she's fed up.
She sees the same **** around,
There's no escaping.
No changing.
Her past follows her,
She only has sorrow surrounding her.
So she eats and eats,
But she wants to quit.
She needs an angel to erase the sorrow and help her live.