Going on vacation in my spaceship to the moon
I'll call you from the station, but don't expect me soon
I'll probably stay the weekend, might even stay a week
When I'm all through playing "let's pretend" in the Land of Make Believe
I'll probably orbit Jupiter and build a sand castle on Mars
Then I think I'll take a cruise through Orion's Belt of stars
I'll go find the Tomb of Major Tom
I'll figure out how it all went wrong
I can't lie I might be gone long
Long gone
And when I've got these dealings done
I'll set a course straight for the sun
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Planet Earth is blue and it's all because of you.

Vast and burning landscapes
Escape no wandering eye
And those who stand on these wasted lands
Cannot honestly deny
That no man
Will with dignity die

In life he can be righteous
He can be pure in heart and even mind
But once the bells toll for him
He leaves it all behind

To gaze upon his battered corpse
Is to stare into the sun
For one must turn his eyes away
Before much looking's done

In pools of blood and bile
A nameless soldier is all we see
Another man who lived his life in vain
Just to die with dignity

But these fields of bodies
Tell no lies
The echoes of the battle cries
Are all that's left when the day is done
Only those who survived
Are around to accept the prize
When the war is finally won

And I know that when my time comes
When I put my bullet in the gun
My death will be a messy one
There's nothing beautiful to see
In the end, for you and me
We cannot die with dignity

Some days I feel it slither within me,
a sickness, a serpent, it writhes to be free
some days I feel like a dark cloud,
like a shroud upon this world
like the wind that whirls around your shoulders on a cold octobers day,
like the smell of fresh decay,

some days I have to say I that I feel I've gone astray from the path
and taken it upon myself to release some sort of wrath,
to take vengeance upon society for turning a monster like me
loose in the world to play,

I feel like I need to administer some sinister
right away, straight into my bloodstream,
I need a full dose of dream within a dream,
nightmare scenes,

I have been known to say that I often,
feel like sleeping in a coffin,
and that sometimes I feel sublimely surreal
and inhuman like a demon born of a dying fire,

Voracious and with no desire
But to bleed dry everyone I find
If I feel it eases my so called "troubled mind"
Oh, I can't say that I don't
yearn for blood and souls,
some days

But mainly I'm just angry enough to take it out on me
you see,
it's such a trip to be,
the hero and the villain of your own story,
no guts? then it's just not gory enough,

so I gotta get tough, cause it's an army of darkness I'm standing up against,
and I'm lacking the proper chainsaw limbs for defense
and I could use at least one shotgun,

so I guess I can stand and fight,
go kicking and screaming into that good night,
or I can run,
*******, run!

If you have never awoken late in the night
to a soul-crushing feeling you could not identify
To the hammering hooves of a racehorse heart
With a jump and a gasp and a fright and a start

If you have never felt a pillow of darkness upon your face
As you drift off to a silent place
Squeezing out every single breath
Playing hide-and-seek with death

Thrashing in your bed, reliving what's been said
Clutching to your head
In fear of an impending explosion
if you have never felt the erosion of time
or the way beauty becomes grime
to be wiped away on a windscreen
and if you have never seen

the pits of darkness pooling at your feet
and fully given yourself to defeat
if you have never laid down to close your eyes
certain that you would never rise again
then

You have never known the terror, the fear
Which bears down upon myself year by year
And never would you hear, with ears this pure
the screaming  of the demons which trap us here.

Little girl, little girl
Remember the games that we played?
How many kings and queens we saved?
How many dragons that we slayed?

You would charge through the forest
Laugh and shout and run
"Lets **** the mighty, evil dragon!"
....This war, it shall be won...

You would race through fields and forests
Even in the rain
You might fall and scrape your knees sometimes
But you'd get right up again

Not so graceful, twirls and turns
As the spear found a dragons eye
Jumping, skipping, slipping, fall
You might even shed a little blood
But you wouldn't cry at all

So little girl, little girl
Why are you crying now?
We don't have time for this you know
It's time for fighting now

Pick up your shield, pick up your spear!
The ******* dragon, he draws near
Swallow your pride and hide your fear
It's time for fighting now.

It doesn't matter how you hold it
or choose to show it
or how you know it

that Old Familiar
has a way of saying what you cannot say
of pushing you through every day
and being the rock in the path that won't wash away

no matter how hard it rains
that Old Familiar leaves it's stains
It's aches and pains
And far-reaching scars that threaten sane

And sunny days that still have those
Dark clouds tucked away
Just in the case
You should forget your place
On a better day

That Old Familiar
Plants its roots
In the soles of boots
that cannot step away

Stab these antennas in my head
And a thousand government watchdogs
Are barking at my door
I shall deny no more
The existence of a greater evil

Tune me in so that I may see again
The ****** broadcasts of what I would imagine hell is like
Just like tonight
When silence besets my windowsill
And snow pours forth into my bloodshot eyes
So cold out there in the darkness
Where every winking star's a satellite

Looking down upon the fallen masses
Images so troublesome and more to come
A swift and steady marching army
Onward! We die tonight!
Fall in men!
Keep moving!
Move out!

And so on, it goes on
We tamper with our
"God-given" boundaries
Shock therapy

And can you see the dead eagles,
All piled in the courtyard?
Some melancholy symbol of our chaos.

Be still, my heavy heart
Stop tossing in this tempest
You’re made of stone, I know
You’ve never let me down
You’ve weathered this storm
For a couple of decades now

And poor heart, I know you’re weary
I know you need to rest
So be still, my heavy heart
Stop tossing in this tempest

There is a light at the end
But the tunnel I walk is long
And lonely without a friend
And silent without a song
But yet I must press on

Be still, weary heart
I know your torment and ache
I know you’re trying hard
Not to fail me, not to break
But you must keep moving forward
Keep the locomotion in this train
Oh heavy, weary heart of mine
We will escape the pain

Take these memories and set them afire
Burn them to the ground
I choose not to keep them around
I am not the one I used to be
Time will mold another me
And I won't like her either
I am sure

Life has a cruel way of making you adapt
Roll on with the changes
But always you're trapped
Bound relentlessly by destiny

We live and die a thousand times
But it's a vicious cycle we cannot escape
We're always placed back between our lines
Scrape clean our souls and leave it behind

Forever forced onward
Like sheep in a herd
With the dogs always barking at our heels
And so this is how it feels then
To live a nightmare again and again

Please take these memories from me
And turn them all to ash
Life sails by in a blinding flash
And we always take for granted
All the seeds we've planted
That will wither and die
Wither and die

It's all over in the blink of an eye.

Welcome back the the asylum
This cold grey place where nothing dwells
Except my clock of cogs and gears
That counts out my numbered years

Peaceful as it may be here
Still I'm tempted to crawl out
Into the black forest beyond
To probe whatever mysteries
Await the outward bound

Somewhere back there in the thicket
Winding underbrush
There is an answer to everything
Kept quite hidden and hushed

But as I sit and contemplate
Who planted the first seed
The tendril vines are growing
Choking out the trees
Beyond which
A charred and ruined landscape
Is all there's left to see

You don't know me, though you pretend you do
You'll turn your nose up when I'm talking to you
Too much of a coward to look me in the eyes
Too busy believing your own lies

Judging those who you've never met...
Oh forgive me, I haven't introduced myself yet
I'm the meanest ***** you never knew
I don't see people, I see straight through

To every intention you try to hide
And even things you feel inside
I'm the voice that echoes in your head
To remind you of what is done and said

I'll make sure you know just where you stand
Let the cards fall where they land
I've been dealt the Devils hand
And I will play for keeps
Karma is a ***** my friend
and Karma never sleeps

I remember one scent that lingers over
Every memory
Every defining moment that made me
Me
The sweet scent of the lilac trees
That used to lull me into sleep
In their shade
And on the moss
I never knew so much of loss
and pain
Or joy and gain
In the days I would remain
Beneath the lilac trees
When my world came crashing down
When I felt I just might drown
In sorrow or madness
Or sadness and pain
Forever suspended
And there remain
And never might know
Joy or gain
Again
I would find my solace
And my peace,
as fragile it may be
There upon this bed of moss
Looking through the Lilac trees.

**** it.
**** it.
**** it.

This manic mind
This depressed
This suppressed
This unimpressed
Pervious
Imeasurable mass of emptiness
Overflowing with sadness no, not so
Simple as that

But more an interweaving madness
A growing mass
Like a tumor
Malignant with forelorn
And adorned with ornamental sentiment
Regret and all the things one forgets
Just to **** it up and get on with it

And the day to day, it stays that way
We cut out our tongues for lack of lungs
To breathe the air required to care enough
To speak the words we need to say

Everyday
We cherrypick our blessings and forget
To give credit to the lesser triumphs we've made
Day after day

We watch the light shine brightest
And we let it fade and fade
Never reaching out into the growing darkness
For fear we will be dragged away.

Hours sailing by in the cloak of midnight's shadow
The moon sinks downward outside my window
Dawn will break soon
Life will return to the world again
And this darkness and silence
Will remain within
I do not have the luxury of sleep
I do not get any breaks from my
Conscious
Thinking,
Noisy brain
I do not know how I am still functioning
Let alone as sane as I still seem to be
But of course I could always be kidding myself
Sanity has never really been a part of me
I am trapped in a state of limbo
Floating
Drifting
Fading
The sun will assault my world soon
The people will rise and make commotion soon
And with the final goodbye of the moon
Here I will lie, black holes for eyes
Wondering what I can do to silence
My
*******
Head
Other than the obvious, because
I'm not ready
Right now,
To be dead.

I seem to always be in a constant state of fight or flight.
The worst part is that there's no one to fight,
and nowhere to fly to,
because the enemy is Me.
My own thoughts, my demons, they cling to me.
They've
     embedded
        themselves
                   into
                       me
like parasites.
Feeding off of my soul,
day in and day out until I am nothing but a husk.
The only way to escape the torment even for a moment
is to
    cleave
          my
             mind
from the present,
to float somewhere between this reality
and the one that the devil on my shoulder
tries to convince me is true.

But there's always still a part of me that holds on down below, in the present, in the real world, so that I can reel myself back in again. So I don't completely drift away like a kite slipping through a child's grasp on a windy day. Drifting on an updraft, whirling and twirling upwards and into the clouds..

    Hell...

       Maybe that wouldn't be so bad.

            Maybe next time,
I'll just let go of the string.

Oh my wretched heart
You vile, evil thing
Still beating out a rhythm of pain
Enfolding myself in your ink black
Darkness day after day
A spider in my chest
Eating me away

I thought was unbreakable
Until I was broken
Until I lost a few pieces of myself
And I had cracks and empty spots

I thought I was defeated
Until I found new pieces for myself
And not only did I fix what was broken
But I
Made it better

I had the technology
I upgraded
I am the phoenix rising from the ashes
Again and again
I dust myself off, I tighten some bolts
I find new parts and I carry on

Now I know

I am not
Unbreakable

I am
Invincible

I used to have the words to say
Everything.
I had a world where I once could be
Anything.
Now am wondering...
Am I still me?
What's happening?
For better or worse
Was it all for nothing?

Ah, Mania!
Welcome back my friend!
I've been waiting for you to come back again!

I must say
It's been too long
I have spent too many nights trying to "be strong"

Without your smiling face to guide me...
...With grace to a place somewhere inside me

Where you hide me
And I suffocate

Let's not wait another minute more!
I have the keys,
There is the door

Places to go
And people to see
Things to do
Places to be

Oh

Mania.

There you are again.
I've begun to wonder
If you're really my friend

But you know I'm not ready for this to end.

We're here, My Dear

..Let us begin.

I look over my shoulder
And the shadow at my back dips away
The moon sways
And behind me in the darkness
I hear
An empty sound
Too hollow and profound to really understand
Too backwards and garbled to comprehend
And yet I pretend
That the nightmares don't make me sweat
And I pretend
Like the spirits will make me forget
But they don't
And I won't
It appears
I'm not done here yet

Well, well, well
Hello there.
Let's be seated

There's something we have left undone
That needs to be completed
Nothing you say can persuade me
So you'd better pray
Today will be a good day
For the monster that you've made of me

You know...
I realize that by this time
Things might begin to fall in line
In your mind
And you're beginning to comprehend
That this is it for you, "My Friend"

I'm sorry you're frightened
(We were afraid too, thanks to you)
I'm sorry it hurts
(It's not what we do, except to people like you)
I'm not actually sorry
(It could be much worse, We can't ******* lie)
If you live, I hope you suffer
(But we won't care if you die)


Now, now, now
Don't be scared
The fight has been conceded

There's nothing left that can be done
You've all but been defeated
I guess I can say
It's been a bad ******* day

And Monsters can't silence their Demons.