Sometimes I think of killing myself
How the end would be so nice
How the darkness would swallow me up
And how the numbness would suffice
My need

For all the voices of the feelings
That constantly keep me reeling
To softly slow to a hush
As my brain starts tur-tur-turning into mush

How wonderful it would be
To have that powerful silence
Not even grasshoppers would bother
To wake me

My cells would stop dividing
My brain would stop the lying
Myself would stop denying
What I truly want

But but but
This is just a reckless fantasy
A way to elude one’s own reality

Because as I sit here on the floor
Tears drip drip dropping
I realize there’s those who care for me more
Cherish me more
Love me more
Than I love my own self

The crickets chirp
I put the pills down

the girl wandered
and dreamt
and got lost in her head
only to let it float up to the clouds.

she read books
and wrote poetry
and found magic in the ordinary world.

she contemplated
and spent time with herself
and drowned out the noise around her.

she absolved the chaos within herself
only through slighting that which occurred without.

she wandered away
until she could no longer find her place in the world
but, in doing so,
had found her place inside herself.

In one small space,
Time ceased to exist and we became the very stars we were in awe of.