Some times I get lost,
Not in real life,
But in my head,
I get lost within my own thoughts,
The whirl winds of word that could have been said,
Should have been said,
Get lost within the endless possibilities,
The could haves,
Should haves,
And of course,
I get lost in the memories,
Not the happy ones,
Not the ones that make me smile and laugh,
But the ones that make me cry and shake on pain, in loss and sorrow,

Even now laying here,
I'm lost in those same memories,
And I can't escape them,

Can't escape the pain,
And the bone shattering force of sadness,
The cold tracks of my tears are the reminder that I will never be able to change what happened,

I get lost and even now I can't find a way out.

i sit here,
watching the moon,
watching the smoke from my cigarette,
streaming from lips,
curling up into the air,
and i always wish that i was the smoke,
O the pleasure i would have floating through the sky,
flying with the wind,
winding my way through the trees,
completely free,
free of pain,
of sadness,
of loss,
free of your memory,
free of your voice,
free to let you go,
but like the smoke of my cigarette,
its smoke lingers in my lungs,
like you linger in my mind,
the smoke kills me slowly,
and your memories pull me down,

so i sit here and wish that i was the smoke,
floating into the sky.

When it is nearly over
When the pain is gone
When the lies and anger ceases
And winter is my friend

'I watch as he destroys
the one I leave behind
no power left inside
And winter takes a hold

He ruined my self respect
He ruined my childrens lives
The anger and the tantrums
Are frozen now in time

Hurting and then the sorrow
The shouting and the pain
The lies and lies and lies
Winter at its worst

Emptiness surrounds me
And walls I build to keep
My sanity is fading and I know I am on the brink
Of losing my existence and will to fight the foe

When I finally have the courage
To walk away and say
I will not be bullied and I will not lay down and die
Is when the spring will melt away all the hurt of winter time

She smelled strongly of coffee and cigarettes.
Was that the last time that we met? I forget.
I dreamt about her breath, her beautiful face.
They still permeate every single membrane.
I wake, my fingers ache to lay on soft skin.
*But emptiness fills the air, and she isn't there.

I was always a needle kind of ******.
My friends thought I was crazy, and I suppose I was.
They say to take baby steps,
but addiction never works like they say it should, does it?
I went from *** to pills to blow to needles just like that.

It was nice though,
seeing how I've always been a fan of instant gratification.
Tie the knot, heat the junk, wet the cotton, **** it up, slap the veins, stick it in, get high.
Easy as pie, nothing can be simpler.
Nothing could be more complicated.
I've been home for ten minutes,
and I promised myself this score would last me through the week.
I'll be happy if it lasts the night.

My track marks were starting to fade,
due in part to probation,
and also in part to the love I've been surrounded with.
Who needs to shoot up when you have people to love you?
Me.
A ******.
A loser.

I would like a million things,
and a million more,
but why would I want things,
when I can score.
Nothing could be simpler.
Nothing could be more complicated.