should have
tilted my head  
                             up
                            
                             ^^

she asked me specifically,
"do you have feelings for him?"
i laughed and said no.
he probably sees me as a daughter,
nothing more.
but, when i went to sleep that night,
i dreamt of him.
some of it was physical,
but, most of it was just us
talking.

talking about physics and
laughing at jokes and then
him accidentally touching my thigh
when laughing and then me looking
up at him, giving him that knowing look
saying, "i want you, all of you."
and then we just... kiss.

i think the sweetest part of the dream
was the moment before our lips touched.
the heat between us, the smile that slipped onto his
lips and the way i leaned to my right.
you could sense the hesitation, but you could
feel the complete desire emanating from the both of us.

i remember waking up that saturday morning.
i touched my lips and still felt the warmth there.
the dream felt so real. and maybe one day it will be.
but, is that what i really want?

i remember him giving me advice:
when i find someone i love, remember to double check and see if he is the one you want to wake up next to in the morning and live the rest of your life with.
i remember picturing mike... not him.
but, mike always be my first love. the one true love that i really could
never ever reach.

i guess since i have to ask if he is what i really want, means that i don't.
i guess i just... i just don't really even know.

he gave me a christmas present today.
a coffee cup and some toys.
sounds childish, but i really
appreciate anything that
lights up and sings.

he came next to me and said,
"i have a gift for you."
i walked next to him and
he put in it my hands and said,
"everyone deserves toys, even
when they're a bit older."
and smiled so wide.

i looked up at him and said,
" thank you. thank you so much."
and opened up my arms because
this time i would be the one who
embraced him.

i honestly didn't want to let go.
he makes me feel safe.
he is what home should feel like.
he is a wonderful and lovely person.
and i just cannot get enough of him.

My babygirl cries
And I dry her eyes
As I see all the hurt
And the pain in her life.

My babygirl cries
As she tries to hide
All the lies she’s been told
That cause her to cry.

My babygirl cries
as I hold her tonight
To keep her from thinking
That she may as well die.

My babygirl cries
From all the times she’s tried
From all the love she has shown
And being broken many times.

My babygirl cries
In my arms as she lies.
She lies that she’s fine
And not broken inside.

My babygirl cries
For the harder I try
Nothing can keep her
From seeing my lies.