Need supplants want, except when you die from want and need keeps you wanting death.


Wants have always cost less than needs in this america. then they tell you its your fault as they build your stumbling block.

Cut divine
**** divide

life box cut out sides.

Liquify,

Modernize,

Affix,

Me.

Dicast parts,
Formalize,
Metastasize.

I am Growing this agar's too small.

Feral,
Lycanthropy,
Hearts.

Through the stigma,
my bones bleed,
my wreaths hanging,
Sagging.
Of unwelcome,
all my being.
of unwelcome,
all my being.

The Truth of getting older,
the senescence of emotion
The people we love and once were,
Are gone forever.

I am not for this heartless place.
I am but Peter Pan,
understanding.

A bitter struggle,
While trampled underfoot.

Of a world,
Not built for us.

Built for no one.

Can you believe?
I almost let a ******* job blow my brains out
steal me from my kids and love
this system rots us inside out

it makes us dissolve and **** our selves back through a straw
and say we still aren't enough
the catharsis of it all is slipping
oozing through life not on our terms
this capital is rot incarnate.
Death encapsulated in a hermetic chamber

I breathed my last labored breath face beneath a pillow
and woke up to failure
a failure that could start the rest of life
failing up for us
is giving into the quit.

Brain unlocked, heart bound in broken promises
to children and now fear of lack of value
and resource to feed them full.

This prison immolated
crystal chandelier  impaling
only pretty to them
when stained with our blood
soaked geometry splattered
tessellated across the porcelain walls

they only smile when we weep

staring at us in our cage
as we writhe
and they dine
on the blood of our infants
on their labor not yet
realized.

Eating our children and us
right before our eyes
out of the sunlight

they only laugh when we have nothing
they only feel when we hurt
they're only full when we are starving
only sated when we need.

monstrous predators of money
and greed
they only smile when we bleed

Guilted,

In hate,

Postpartum,

Separation.

Convulsing, spitting
coughing, blaming.

I'm ruining my life, just let me die.

Set fire, Ego Death
brain case, gnashed teeth.

guilt braces on leg, only this holding me up.
swelling belly of the person i love

Mend yourself
do it on your own
no one can help you

they try and say
you're doing great
they don't understand

i was so much
more fragile
than i thought i was

im just fine
terror in my eyes
a soulless stammer

no one loves or likes you,

dead. and no one cares



They found you in the
apartment
your stench ruined their day.

an indigent  inconvenience

they left the blood on the floor
they'll burn it up anyway

the bugs love you more than
you ever felt
no one could fill the void in
your existence
the humors once inside you
leaked to fill the crevices
in the complex plumbing

Liquify
Modernize
AFFix
Me

Die cast parts
Formalize
Metastasize

Feral
Haunt
Metastasize

I’m growing
This agar’s
Too small

Soothe
The stigma
My palms bleed

MY wreaths
Of unwelcome
All my being

The truth of getting older
The senescence of emotion

The people we love and once were
Are gone forever

I am not for this Heartless place
I am but Peter Pan understanding

A bitter struggle
While trampled underfoot
Of a world not built for us

()
Motionless
Stammering
Pounding
my chest

Earthquakes
Hidden
Behind
Rotting voices

()
A beer coddling me
Swaying
This molecular addiction
Is a mouse trap I love
A hammock for replacement
Of a mannequin family

Do you sleep between those trees
Of arms bows holding essence insecurities
I’m my insecurities
I am These weakness that are Strength

I’m opening my chest
Handing out ribs for everyone
Each person a shard of time
Each glass splinter from the cage that locketed my heart

Can you imagine the carnival **** for my death

Crystalline creation cremated for wax
Candles made from me bleed
Ossified dribbles of molten mass
Dehydrate, to dust and snort my being

I can take a nail to each joint
Contort ligaments
Hexagram my body parts to a plywood headstone
Force a blood curse on this carcass
**** my mouth with your tears
Take photos of my death
Spread it all over the time segments
Shove it in every iris space
Trapped in the black hole for eternity
A moment it’s happened
The light can’t be taken back
It can bend and refract but is forced to bounce around forever.

Photons of evil.
A martyr of existance.

I had Your
Hand
But
You're eyes can't see me
The locket
I never got to give you
Would have held
Our Secrets
Had i got the time

Time Fell off,
the Veneer of our love
the body
Of our Chimera

Teeth, Fallout,

We cant share these,
the body of our Chimera

A Siamese foot out of the casket
the dependence of mind
the body of our Chimera

I lay on,
Top of you
coddling our parts pressed
together
trying, Melt in you
or just fall out into you

mixing waxes from two evils

our sick busted brains

The body dead
of our Chimera.

I hold our throat together, so it falls not apart, no  words can come out, trapped, in the forest of ivory monoliths and the strongest miscarriages, and you pull back the hammer, we fall to the black.

OUR MONSTER HAS DIED.

Shattered grave
Of .a .life .loved.
Then lost

Brain weighs
Of. atlas
burdened shoulders

Dig through. The bones and marrow
Poison thoughts. digging scars in your arms

Follow through.
The. graves.
Suc.cu.bus. tongue

Seduction From
a bed of self slaughter

Tears dried
You aren't for crying

Blood dripped
Won't fix this cough


From your lungs

No way back
From this forest
My neurons have phantom limbs
These ents have me helpless




Impaled
On.my.own.thoughts.
Heavy

These patterns
These crushing crutches


Our spectres crawl
On the floor
This cabin

Is a hell
Stuck in
A ghost dance of

Scarecrows
With gaped throats
Saw teeth
Stuck in our smiles


We ruin
Everything
We destroy
Everything
We collapse
Every *****.             The trade off part
The piano keys
We have broken

Released
Through stitches bursting
The straws out
Our metal hearts rusting

Hurt our selves
Hurt each other
Burdens of
Guilt becomes us.    
Figments
Of destroyed fragments
Of released
haunting patterns

Scarecrows
With gaped throats
Saw teeth
Stuck in our smiles
Lacerated trees
sap beings
Filled with ghost
This suicide

Wind blown trees
We corpse and Rot in
the basement
Of ruined dreams
Degrading forever
No molecules left
the elements Remnants
All that there is

lead weights
Thrown over the levee

My eyes
Pick apart my failures

Nothing will
Ever fix our broken hearts

Quilted the loss
Into a patch making sense


Death
systems
Cadavered
systems

Stomping yourself in denim sadness

Stomping trudging
Breaking bones
A mire of tar in our lungs seeps

Cutting the circulation
Between reality
A mountain of mole hills engulfs us


Our reflections in these SHARDS
Detach trauma from our hearts
A PACE MAKER OF ANGUISH

This ataxic syncopation
reality and viral vision
A pace maker of anguish

Laying in this ***** den
Of bankruptcy
Our place isn't forgiveness

It's not something we can earn or
Give
People are not your objects

Denim Jean's
Sadness
A beat stomped from existance
Rythm
Dies
A beat stomped from existence

Existance
Is putrid
I smell it
On your breath
Existance
Is anguish
This prison
Of brain meat
Existance
Beautiful
Without me
I'll miss it

Obsidian shoes
And diamond armor

Won't protect me

A mind of gold and
heart like a watch

Won't carry the breath beat of the cities


I have a death inside me
A rotting corpse
An Identical being
stomach's retching remorse
strapped to this dead body
I'm carrying in my heart
A symbiote child
Sewn to the dark

Help me drive a stake through
Myself
Help me release all I thought I was

All the pain guilt and anguish I am


All that has defined me from my wrongs

Economics of doing what you hate
Incellic feminast

The dead are our zoo animals.
Their cages beneath the soil.
Listen to the earth breathe
with their desiccated lungs cracking/creaking

They don't care if we watch them ****. Hidden from our view

I want my body
Thrown in the desert
The
coyotes
To gorge on me

The vultures to
Eat my sin
No countries
Contain my carbon

Imaginary
Photographs
Of happy days
To keep me in

No funeral music
No black veils
My smile
My skull
My own
I die alone

No paper can encapsulate my life
No tradition will give you closure
You cant steal closure

this is hell because I say it is.
I'm goin to die inside of it
now you cant stop me cuz the tourniquets,
not your hands upon.
mine it is.

safe treasure to lie on
I stay here in the masking tape
taped up against it.
holding close till death's quiescence
escape is impossible
the collapse of body is
take in step
depth torn from ones ***** creates humans.
we cream humans out of our windpipes
through the words we hate the words we love and the words we ingest creating years long relationships that **** ourselves and our partners and our health and happiness
all for you little miscreants
we sound bite

death falls upon head bands
death holds its hand waist span for creeping death on our limits of bands measure expanding fissure on my backs expanse of nerves
they torture true \

every day with every move
these kids spill their hate
I gave them from the feelings
I felt they inherited with every song that I soothed them with
I hate this
I **** and peel my skin I slip my slime I steal life from every hoove I walk around the animals life
I slave a forth from my head
I tithe this tax
I slurp it all up to invigorate from the death I
feel I **** my self.

death to the dishonor I have done myself

have I grown true humans, ill never let
my self, off of the hook that if shoved in my pelt,
will I lose all the worth and the building I've dealt,
to the structure the skeleton of this tower I've built.

till it crumbles,

till its stagnant.

Micron thin recurve spines
Guided down the grooves in the bones
Pulling your sadness through the veins that follow the strings stinging to your toes

White powder
Glistens in the moon
Spreading light.
Sap away your stomach
Ulcer
Festering
Hole burned
Altering
Your smile strips

Paint plummets
On the top of your foot

Left alone two days
The paint dried
Tears didn't

The fence around your neck
Holding high your chin and head
Squeezes a throat
Door
Cry
Gates bashed with bleached
Red

Don't want a soul  to hop out the opening .
Hang the ghost sheet in the closet
Use a hanger put your body on it
Then hang the bones and meat next to the *****

Cut the sod
 24 inches wide
Dig deep only 2 feet
5 foot long and crumpled
Pieced perfectly for feeding

Im an alcoholic.
But at least i can admit it
Emitic
And by that i mean i can sit up to myself in the mirror.
With a beer in hand and eyes crying beer the liver tears up and swells out the scars
Hepatic scerossitic serotyping for the virus of failure.
Im a weaker fatter lion
And capital won  and owns all my means of production and facebook lost function
And i dredge the bottom with my thoughts to bring back dead babies dead police and dead old guys they shot

And fall starts
Autumn begins it will be orange as my ***** after a night i wont remember
But the black out and anger will haunt her forever  and the orange shall be decoration to bring on the winter in full swing with depression


And more beer
No longer a happy guy
I havent energy anymore
Im not the guy you saw at the show that you legitimately thought was on speed because i was high on loving myself anymore and doing at least two punk shows a week.

Now im just an alcoholic.

I still exist.

even when im ******* dead
Im ******* dead

I still exist inside your head
a rust can
a dust bucket
fickle men

divide by death
and exist in heart
******* eyes
blinded by the last resort

behead the nerves of will and ghost

sake fined by the
keepers
gross
exhaustion of mortality

We are the forest of the dead.
We are crimson willow trees.
We are weeping in the woods,
Hanging bodies like chandeliers

Leaves,
Crumble,
Deep in.
Humus,

Body becomes soil.
Bleeding the forest.

Cold
Wet

Moss undergrowth
Drag down the bones

The beetles form inside,
Leave larval forms behind,
Above our heads they swing,
The wind blows bleeding trees.

The machinery of death.

Brings the forest life,

From suicide.

I'm dissecting my heart today
I'm going to a hotel room
No one will follow me
The bathtub is full

Walk to the convenience store
Bruised ankles.
Bad night of skating
Hotel room empty

Filled again by my draping body
Stupor
Falling over chairs
I hang my head on the bed

Falling deep into gravity
The center of everything
The heart
Tearing

Councilling the loss
Creeping in the fenestrae
Crashing into the bricks
That make up my middle

The middle of everything
Guilt
Agony of ones self


A hate that is no ones but your own fault
A person you can't escape
Until finally the grey matter or all the blood runs away from you
Because it hates you so much

You hate you so much
You hate you so much

The liquor stores distance is the only thing keeping you from it
So ****** that you can't even bring yourself out of the hotel bathroom
Or out of the tiles
The white tiles
The grout crimson
Filled up.

He's probably got the passion in his sinnew to blow up...something. he's worth being dead. His family says they said. If one day you met him. He'd probably smile at you fast. You'd hate his guts after that. Toward sun he looked onward till his gaze died down inside his throat. He heavied over the hate he's engulfed. The sun hangs lower. The cans weigh down on his neck. The paints scratching. He's got friends though. Theyll write an articulate article. He's just food for dust mites

the world is over the animals are dead. Left are the machinations of neutrality. Equilibrated entropy. Haunting the desert. The Brownian machines are dead after the ratchet of life broke all its teeth to the tool. Broke on dinner plates of all the energy in plutonium. The Greek gods were real and as jealous as was spoke .wanting back the mass taken from the quantum blips. no longer do things move forward. Progress is non meaning. Pushing back and forth in place the tricycle to an unlearned humanity. It all imploded all is implossive. My strings and nails crack and fall off together.

I grew up named ******
Transformed into dad.
Dragged her down but she doesn't think so


For her buoyant cheeks keep me afloat

How she will wish for such devices as I get to dip over

I shall try and try and pry towards keeping her safe
Yet she will hate me

Keeping her from this would be the worst
She would never go through this point she should dull through
She will never know that I feel every sting
I will never tell her
I will only feel her love
And feel love for her life

I think about you and I every day.
I drink because I know what's to come.
Doing everything for one person.
Even staying with your mother.
Tho you aren't mine to stay.
I choose to hide behind you.
Because you are strong without knowing
As I wish to know one day
Because you are stable and same
Through times you know don't change
When they do
Because your spine is strong enough to climb
Yet supple enough to crumble from our embrace

Hugging you to the ground
Lightening striking through my heart my love.
You won't get to love me like I love you
Nor like how maybe you wish you'd like to.
That's the saddest thing.

I know I will never be enough
But I will always know and tell you that you are more special than your situation.
More than how you feel

Feelings are illusions too.
You beautiful perfect creature are nothing but what you want
Not what I want or she wants or we the collective.
WANT.
There is no want.

There's just you in Your life.

Live.

****** of Beccas *****.
My ***** mix the moistures together to make. The mixture of cocktion
Of a mist
Of dank un integrity
Crapping on the fall of shat marriage

As we bask in the dance of *****
Falling down the legs of the most beautiful of beatnik
Without knowing
It

How I've forgotten my divisions

Of the words.
I used to care of those things

Now though I am listening to howl and not in the writing criteria for my writing

I
Usually have the things I need
Now I will have a small baby head
Who knows not **** from suckle
From honey from agave
From desert

How I miss ***** in how drunk I froth in the night dry and the calm she can never know in my head how I wish to be her and for her to be me
How I wish to be one as the howl of two larynx in a bird body
Come thy voice.

Calm child soothe

I sleep.
Hanging.
From a chan.
Delier.

I ***
To the chorus
Of fornicate
Voices

I pose
myself
At the mannequins
Femur

I sit
Inside
The emp.
Ty mall.

And watch
You ****
And slip.
It all.

Away.

Nah you were a corpse with a noose around your neck with just a blip of a heart beat on an EKG made of trees laying to rest.

She's a scared little girl and the only way she knows how to survive is off the blood and life of other people.

So I tease and tease the needle injecting, inspecting the vein liquid.

Laying up in that bed for hours with your kidneys being your friends and your head ripping your chest from your intercostals tossing your throat out your teeth through the grate lain cross your open gape

A chamber we both never wanted you lain.
Gas chambering hospital of mucus and babies puking their dead guts out.

Septic ulcer, septic shock, sepsemia.
All the bacteria love you like your their mother inlaws.
And finally you set us free from mine
That caniving, ruthless wretch watched you in the bed.
Floated above ours watching us both.
Escaped we did and finally we won't go back.
Anorexic we starve ourselves now of sharing carbon and gravitating space pits.
The blankets still make dips where we lay but they aren't the same blanket, the threads aren't long enough to cross and make up the same fabric between 100 miles so that an immediate affect between the atoms can be felt between us.

My babies still kicking though.
That's safe.

I was walking in the woods
I was followed by your ghost
Your the girl that I had drowned
Face down in my blood

You drank in the spit that I sprayed upon the floor as a texture to paint feelings upon a wall of ribs of a calf to grate your skin and my skin together
An alloy of animas

We shall carve with your cold faded hand into the knot of a heart wood forever in this copse
Wriggling to corpse in
Dead in the soil
Our wedding bed

Flaky shaky and spineless
As we should have been

We've always been the molded crown lining the ceiling watching others live.

The pine mounts the ground
To behead us.
We finally accept and egress towards the detritus floor
The needles shaking as we quake ever closer to the firmament ground where we were born
Becoming the fungus we love so dear
You're my slime mould

And I have struggled through alcoholism
And I have struggled with pain
With guilt with blame
I've even struggled with the thought of struggling
And like a worm I wriggle and writhe through life
Trying to shed the exuvia that I love inside to shine to the world my true scales
My true merit
Not what I am but what I want to be

Through struggle I've tugged through and dug through the coffins of friends
Shackles of hardship
And been drug down by the anchors of change and hardships of stains upon my heart and the hearts of others
But I'm gunna dig my way to china
Find all the things that are finer
Release from gravity to sling shot altitude raising above the atmosphere as my guilt lifts
My ballon I will hold to and hold floating swift to escape this earth with a lightness in my heart.
I will bring that sun to all. I will raise my arm and grab at that fire ball to illuminate my loved ones.
To bring back to the darkness of man the truth.
To weigh upon the evil as the lead weight it laid upon me and dig those graves up.
I will save my friends.
I will make a new family.
I will be my unfaltering hero I've always needed.
And yours.

I think if I hurt enough.
I could write forever.
The blood is the words on the page.
With all names drawn in the skin of every girl or soul or body I've written in.

I'm just trying to make something beautiful. Make something that makes me happy.

Seeing these people in the world I live.
I know it's not real.
I know that I'm just music in flux but a different metal designed into the fabric of complexes sewn into  the crystals.

I can't sniff from my nose now. Cuz I'm 26
That's too old.
Not old enough to die.
And you're never old enough to die. Nor young enough to live.

Beer by beer we walk the streets in new lights.
All the cities offer new drains to seap into and breathe damp clusters of anathema.
Gaining asthma.


The loss from living is your lungs.
Breathing in is worth the pain of the silica of sniffing the grass spicules after a rain.

Chewing our way through cellulose and evolution of carnassials.

Sit down, throw up, pass out,
In your own *****,
Dying,
And no body cares.

Pat your, self on,
The back,
Hold back your head,
Crying,
Spit in your hair.

The drunkards death for me,
Slow and easy,
Destructed and lonely,
One apartment. Dead.

Fly friends circling waiting to eat me.
Smelling of failure in every *****.
Bot corpse now housed ****** and drowned in the thrones organs.
Bloated and filled with tears from family.

My life's,
A toilet,
Bowels are,
Disposed in,
Crippled,
Defeated in pain.

Wash up,
Clean out,
Help him,
See that,
Faceless,
Empty death bed.

The party is over.
The funeral was without visitors.
Like a guy that kills himself,
To spite his ex girlfriend.

We make dead bodies out of our beds.
Sleep with them like our best friends.
Back to back,
Spine to spine.
Our relationships put pillows over,
The unresponsive corpses.
Suffocating the coal of closeness,
And we trample through our mattress.
Each thread is tied to the same letter in a vein connecting hearts.

Through ink and blood.

The noose holds our grieving neck
The pillow suffocates our  cowardice
A syringe stops guilt we can't make up
And a final bow and jump ends our regret


For not being what we once knew we should be.
I melt with you in the end.

Suicide pact friend ship.
Notes to the dead.

I put a baby inside
Of the belly of my Bonney lass bride
Twice
Say the ****** covered by placenta
Looking through her *** to deaths eye
She may live he may die
He may live I'll lose my wife
Through the cream pie I stare down death
Between her ***** holds hemorrhage and life

Bleeding down her c-section

The acreted blood sac could cause infection
Already has
My baby gave multiple blood poisoned hits to her kidney

He's already a fighter I think he'll beat me up. He's going to come out with bigger boots than mine, prolly a bigger ****.

Hope they both make it.
I can't fix it
My hands are tied in the cervical opening, my minds wrapped in the emboli cal cord, and my fingers are twiddling thumbs nauseously in Beccas ******.

I should take Lornhes place in the amniotic fluid and gag myself in the fetal position


Or I could do what no one does these days.
Be a man of character.
Show him passion, knowledge, courage, and integrity.


Be a Father.

P.S. Son. All dads are letdowns, when you read this one day. I hope I have done my best. I Love You.

                                  Lendon Partain

The mocking birds mouth is as still as the tree, The mocking birds mouth is as still as the tree, The mocking birds mouth is as still as the tree, The mocking birds mouth is as still as the tree,

I shall be enveloped, intoxicated in it's last words effigy,
Transcribed across the tablets of the deserts final plea,
It searches for my body
The coyote calls my name,
The sands ask for me as a trophy
They swallow up my grave,

The slits of eyes in my wrist and thighs show my life's vision out to sky, it sees the world from the deep inside where I hid it in my skin and my arteries,

When you find me dead bury me in the sand, il be a sand angel in 2010,

I was never worth consoling, hid from every one I knew, finally at the end you found you hate me too.

Guilts too hard to take, it ***** in my soul like a vacuum, guilt beats hate, Benton falls down in the bathroom,

The tiles watch him **** on the floor
He collapsed then shat and vomited more, whole lives fall in the toilet. too moist as miscarried babies,
So bury me in the desert,
So the mocking bird can't say ****.

Your arms,
Are like the days I used to cut myself for you,
In front of my computer.
Pricked flayed.
From the times it split too much depth.

In the Red Sea vein.

Like the times I'd drink,
Till I ****** in the corner of the floor,
In my room.
With the door handle loosed,
So someone can find me in the morning.

My whole life is a corner
With you the coroner
In a morgue with no form to it
With the bodies on the slabs cut up.
Impatient and waiting to be whole,
Not facing the wall  of your skull.

This rooms too full.

My bodies piled on the others.
Autopsy waiting room.
You're in that cottage at the edge of the abyss.
The event horizon to hell.
What Dreams Won't Come.

All of these human can be nothing but be basic and face it
It's tracing the lines of the facade that's been spliced hundreds of strides and on mauve colors lines placed then
Retraced to the grid full of masterfully hid fingers stagnant and bent tripping placid and flaccid like ***** that are emaciated and crypt ****** and splattered like pavement placed upon pickled waves strafed across walled like cinder blocks half way through baking
Entombed youth encased in the catwalk of toxins
Ensuing and spewing no lines not concrete times and dimed up in baggy a sporadically creased into godsends.
There is no god in the streets he's illegal and should have bend the taxes been spread towards all the youth it's intwined threads. The volumous illusion of writing. Put into cursive this is not my writing ******* stop hacking my account you credophile.
The only way to live is the high life.
It is thing overcoming the tops of woven rugs covered so that beneath there's a heap of root vegetation growth so deep seeded it grows in the sand it is mired in. Below the seep of the sin it's been trampled in. These horses don't have legs. Just *****. To just braid yourself in them.

So much hope set in the height of 8"

The curlewing curls of
pea plants
decadent

Continuos flowing of the firmament
Breaking the concrete walk of the beat to the scene we live our lives between street meat
Imploding our boundaries while humans surround me no air or oxygen just fountains trying too hard to be scenic

I have a garden
I own the earth
But not In the end
It will be my dad

All carbon and cozy covered in primrose plots moldy and pozy'd
So many flowers mounded on the grave of a detritus that it worthy.
To be part of physics
Oh happy squeaking willow branches I remember
Oh china tree blossoms white
-just soon to come out-
Ou the bombs though

The agony hanging over me when I know that there is not a peace treaty from betwixt man fingers plotting graphs of how to not hurt each other

Yet I swoon to the garden and it befuddles my every move tripping me with plant with organism with hippy mumbojumbo
Convoluted  material
That makes an aqueous pressure and fluidity to drown all the youth
Thou must grow but this isn't this fixed rates word attack

No. I am here to be the garden
To show walden in myself for my selfs joy
I am here for selfishness
Not evil as you couldn't see me


To pick apart the pieces
If the leaves rent in the movement to just create me
To tease and toss the strings ran from below them to the trees seams.
To root the ever awesome conglomerated picture of a fixture of an ornament
Of the human life that Seams to stem from what is Lendon.
This is homage to myself
And so is the thought.

I lost the sincerity in my eyes.
A long time.
I spat the fire out,
Replaced with a fjord.
A glacier cut mountain hole.
Shake and fake trembling.
I killed a little boy in my head
Using logic as a razor to cut his throat and sever his spine till all the jelly in it spill.
Replace with a steel core.
Unmoving.
Brittle, albeit,
Courser skin.
Less heart,
And more dead.
Cadaveric,
No love inside.
Only abhorrence,
For every single existent existence.

But I got girls.
What's that helped me.
Continuation of cycles of self-deprecation.
Grew roots,
Spread limbs,
But cut the phloem out.

Bleed the ******* sap.

It seems like these
Girls they got
These thing
Going

Right breaks
Lines
Like flowing
Thigh
Crushing us into points on a dot into internet bliss

****** by ****** ******* ******
Their. I's dotted miss. That no soul lies on the internet. It's not a bed to rest in.
It's a pit of battle. Boasting
In front of Ginsy
And Kowski
Don't just string words
Or you'll be like me trying to make the first *** shot on the world.

Grow a real root. Though it's hard. "I know" suburbia and such.
Calm down.
Don't ******* chive.
Grow a plant. Do something real.
Real guys are there. They are my friends. You don't have to be on this cite to make me feel cited. Just ask.
Go to English class and learn to hate poetry. Then re discover after you found out you're stupid. 'Cept you Quinn.
Then invent a new love.
It's you.
**** dudes.
Girls are so much more than Ginsberg ever said and less than Bukowski never did

Everything is ice. Everything is ice
The barbwires frozen and the ephedra vines are white

But the snow melts on my nose
And your hands are cold
And the kiss is over nothing left but the spit

The rings been worn
It hurts that the vegetables rotted in that cellar.
The gowns been starched and the freezer just tightens it

Onions ruined cabbage dead
Carrots putrid
And the vilest

You've ever seen
It looks like starry night

I followed you into the mesquite when the shinry oak calls my name. I'm dragged to the deep by my tongue when the thing I needs a brain

Cut into two hemispheres a naval orange into
A ****** mess of sticky stuff
Nourished by the juice

I should have froze you too
I should have froze in the ice lake
Then melted once the blizzards done but I've seemed to made a mistake.

Bleeding in the snow I clench my fist and chest
Wrenching all my guts last glory
Death falling on fleur de lis

You're my flower with withered petals cold dead blue.

I'm a hung dumpster! Alcohol flask bucket
Sacked into the trash can of grocery store monopoly the end of all produce and of production
Collapse
Coronary killer vegetables
Rotting in the stomach
Begotten sons of Aspergers eating asparagus
the symptoms of collectivism and social surplus. colliding and,
The end of evolve.
The cities you see are the collecting cells pooling to cesspit trudging on tracheing breath.
Collapsing lungs with no space left
The cornucopia is over. It fell down with its mortar and grout lain to crust into soil. Traipsed through toil torture and insolence.
The Crimea fell next comes bombs next comes Obamba. Capitulation with motor skills
Feigning docility and anti-hostility mortar round bills.
Mountains from Jerusalem cricket ant hills

I am your friend though we owe the same blood
I am no different yet I give nothing up
I claim all the land just as you do
You take and you take and I lose and lose
Corruption and solitude
Killing people only gets you less friends
We are mirror yet very mad at it
.
My time will be up only but once.
This is the one time I'm not scared of death
But the glimmer in her eyes laughs me through it.

Scared us into saving us through the pelvis of death on 34th street.

Got out of the car
Took off in the night
Cried your heart through the holes in your eyes
A monster chasing you
Help
Then a human kissing cabbage heads alone
Swerving 100 miles waileyed
Shoot myself in the arm bleed out to the music of bukowski on the bare mattress
With a hole in the wall and the neighbors ******* for once
Now their walls are brown and mine garnett.

Scared us into a doctors office to make the floor drenched in placenta

Drunk night
Marathon run
Followed by a shrinks chair filled with a bag of **** with a **** and ***** for a mouth
And drawn on hands
Just full of ****

One Irish goodbye from killing myself

Pressures of Atlas ruin the vertebral Column geometry

The circles weight stresses the cylinder to a breaking edge. A cut
Math was wrong

Angular and pathetic is this central pump. It leaks from the head gaskets when you add in ethanol
It squeals out noises under the accumulated atmospheres
CortiZol extends the impellers out till they scrape the walls interior

Finally it's released blown out for keeps
Can't take it back
Neither can take back

The pump withers
Proteins shiver
Brownian heat delivers
Bellowing cold from a cosmos of foam
Spine tattering morbid

A decayed thought process that does nothing but jump
Jumping and bounding conclusions that are meaningless regardless

Atlas gave up and the world fell onto gravitys shoulders

Crinkling anhydrous
I contort to shapes described by Pythagorus.
My shell collapses
Livings a burden heavy to break the camels back
Words for me are needles in needle stacks
You can't get out with out cutting your throat

Every time you leave I'm wringing my hands in my car
Every time I see men I reach towards the bar
For another beer

I'm sitting in my own belly full of bile and I need to ***** out these tears
And I need to cleanse my spirit
And I need to shine my gears

Cause I am rusting shut. My mouths left in the forest and the tin mans oilcan hands cut

Back in my truck I tuck and hide the thoughts yet want a concrete wall to spill my mind upon
And make a canvas out of the windshield of glass covered in grey mass

The endings more poetic then a **** with a crown extending.

My lips wither, to slugs with salt upon their backs
Hands into the sadness of dark oceans of bile melt
I'm the ice heart
Of the gates

What I did does nothing.

When you walked from my life to mechanisms I crumbled
I creeped and creaked into you again
Through your ears and out your tongue twisted
You vined me down your veins then kidneys then bladder and I infect you

Through your pelvis I came again.
You leaned lurched your back flexed your stomach stretched your abs

I flew back fluxing to your stale heart of an excuse

Me crying in the floor holding my dignity in my **** spitting.
Collapsing my chest for a grasp full of your breast
Fling yourself upon ever stake you see vampire girl
Succubus woman
Killer of dreams

Now sitting with your head in a toilet.
It was better in my toilet.

The world is all beer can.
Glass towers made from yeast and tin
To be shot down by pellets from Redrider missiles of nickel and zinc
Followed with the laughter of boys with freckles.

They watch me fall from the shards as it cuts my fingers. They glide across the apex of crystal that is ethanol.

My breath hangs in your mouth as I exhaled it out.
I pulled my tongue out last night to say I love you. Now I'm swallowing it back. With a full gut.

I have borderline.

Between my pain and my plans. To follow the moths wing in the day to the river.
Or follow baby steps toward a shaky future.

Is this really my life? I wake up at night and know my reply.
Or life's aside.
It's shared.
The road forms a circle.
That circle is the spittle drinking around the mouth of the beer can.

Glass cuts the cords of fate.
As it falls with my severed hands.

I don't care about my clothes.
My hairs becoming rat abodes.
I cant even brush my teeth right.
I stink up rooms like I stink up the night.

i even forget to eat right now.

I'm just like an old coffee can
you find rusted in the dust.
Sandy.
Filled to the brim with none.

These spaces in my veins run vile with molasses.

Entire family ripped out by the seams.
The sheet of linens we weaved burnt at both ends like leaves, for candles wick.

All I get left is the floor mats you left.
The walls that have our sweat on them.
You pulled the floor mat out from under my feet.

i dont have the roaches as my friends this time.

The sinks full,
no babies in it anymore.
Just an echo of her washing
the dishes with you.

I'm filling it up with water from my eyes.
While your out and about tonight.
With your ***** of a friend on our anniversary night.

Depressed doesn’t beat rock bottom.
Pressing fast forward doesn’t equal this pause in my life.

You just keep on play. ****** poem.

I just look at your figure,
and I die.
I live in the 1930's when its 1999
Best Beauty of the “Miss YOU *** A”
Laying coupled head to toe with the other train-sets.
Beautiful brown/blonde.
The most beautiful next to the light blue eyes of the tiger on my pc screen.
As I listen to my father figure.
I know you are mine.
Never once pacing nights after today on tile that will not know us.
Never to feel uncomfortable again.
I'll be with you.
5 inches higher than any girl I've ever called the most beautiful.
You win by more than five inches my dear.
I watch you as you sleep and you amaze me.
Utter confusion be-founds my simpleton mind.
I cannot tell if I’m just stupid.
Or if you’re just more intelligent.

Ill Hold Both Your Hands.

First time I didn't want death,

was when I held life by the throat.

Tile floors.
Blood in the creases.
Plywood boards.
Arterial releases
I nail you to the ground,
This soul in you.
Phantom ghost of specter.
I will never leave you.
I will eat what you ****,
And be your skin.
Parasitic symbiote of prosthetics,
Entangled by bailing wire to every bone,
Our union refines combine tarsals.
I am you like the liquor,
Like Jesus' nails.
We rob stores,
Skip stones,
In the alley.
Mirror eyes mark your stretch marks.
Deep scratches of size.
Your iris is mine.
Becoming you is my charge.
In your innards I gorge.
Metastasize.
I want to feast on your skin.
Eat your flesh till your thin.
In the raw.
Exploit all your ****.
I want to haunt your house and lick your thighs when you sleep.
Press through your skin.
Bend it out with my lips.
This last invasion will curse you for life.
I'm a cancer forever.

Hiding in your basement.

Wanna see how empty I can get.
I can leak out all feeling.
No nerves left.

I taste and stiff every person I see.
I cringe crunch the cartilage of every baby I meet.


Heartless and artless old codger.
No posture.

Cramming damming the spam filled sandwich,
of ancient architects.

The tall statue of an empty shell, old malt glass,
unfilled.
Spewed upon the face of mother earth leaving acid mildew.

Shower of rain with a pH of less than 7,
maybe to the negatives, raising havoc on the crop lands.

If my plants would be watered.
I would whole.
I could stand upon the ground lain staked like a scarecrow.

I wish the emptiness protected all that I loved.
I could forever be the watering can providing my molecules with spirits'
Dust.

The aluminum in my body.
Will calcify or solidify (whichever's easiest)
Spontaneously, to create the fluids of osmosifiying mechanical dilution,
Into greater things.

They call it crude.

The dessicated then carboxilated, carbonified,
****** of dead Permian flesh.

This is the reason the salamanders die.
Corporeal concreted, mummified, fossilized.

This is the reason we dance.
Dirges of West Texas dirt romances.
Lost in the flares,
Caught in the gases blaring making nostrils glare.

Requiescat in pace.

All these women.
Dancing through the caliche,
Giving a reason to taste the air.
Through one breath of speechless.

The loam is never settled where boots tread and weather.
Destroying bedrock through hydrolic fracking to the earths core.

I land my toes in the sand of the Llano.
I ******* Mexicans, greasy, with cheese,
With.



Hot.
Sauce.



Dorthy never went to the fest of Oil.
But there's no place like home.
Her silver slippers or prosthesis feet placed instantaneously upon me.
Would bring me directly into a thorny,
Patch of Mesquite.

I.
AM.
A.
*******.

Here's how i roll.
I plop the excrement, directly in the pool.
I **** on chairs,
This is where i place stool.

Plip plob drop loads,
Crenated blood cells and lymphatic drool.
Hurt my kidneys in a fight with truth the other night.
7 brutal, flooring uppercuts to the Latisimus dorsi....

I am > "this girl"
That one that's taken more hits in the face than Tyson.
The one that makes Jenna and Sunni Leone look like pre-school dropouts of ****.

Guys say.
"She"
"got the,"
"best head."

She has nothing in it though.
Her brain's finished by the time words leave her lips whole.
thats as far as it gets
the words pass her **** then she falls, grab her hips.

Prepare the sword for the stone.
The one with the baby whole in her dome.

She's not good, much else.
Her black hair and wisdom lines go bout as deep as her shirt.
Depending on the day.
Pervert.

Lets do ANOTHER line.
"Oh My GOD!" "We did so much *******...."
Coke in cans.
Filled with whiskey flask-hand.

"This night's gunna be one to remember",
if his member is inside, that's my gender,
Blend it with all the worst intentions,
Use the worst intentions.
Stab the heart of conviction.
Tear it to tethers with tension.
Rip the strings of friendship.
Tease the knots of frayed linen,
Like its the only thing ya got.

"I am so high right now."
I forgot what earth looks like.
Probably like my town.

Only place I've been.
I'm 17 ya see.

Its the only thing you got.
You don't deserve roses, flowers, Laurels.
No trees.
No dime bags, no speed, no crying hag.

I can sure **** 25 yearolds.

Saying your better never sounded more like a lie.
Worst thing is you have that prevarication internalized.

I have a god complex...
Wanna save em all...
Can't save a ******* one...

I did lie once...
It was...
When I told you that you weren't...
A *******...

This one time...I was real happy.

All expectation had the correct tact,
had the correct sharpness,
the saturation levels were just so.
but then stuff happens
the stuffs what I'm afraid of.
not the movie reel anymore

I am no longer afraid to dance in light of passing frames on a movie screen,
or look at the actors straight in the eyes,
what happens is, the content, un-contents.

We urinate, we spew, we spackle, we ***, we ****,
we live all of life in two fiking seconds.
Thats alright,
Know one what whats right,
and thats why its right :)

So turn up the music to 50 volume on the sony.
crack a beer,
grind a little,
***** the amalgam of emotion, that is.
Emotion.

Waltz.

It's not even a big feat.
Me.
drinking 10 beer.
Of a 30 pack
It's the fact.
.
It's me
Non-apparent.
So sober in contemplation, sooooooo ******* righteous, so destructive, so christian without Christ

This look I addle towards,
This beauty.

Woman.
You should be model.
The correct car for the correct task
Whats your task again>

Txt slam rocket riot.
Parsley beige maudlin clay

comparison persimmon detailed dilutant of non-vexing
what the **** complication

If one day. We are pregnant.
So is You.
So is I.
We are Pregnant.

Proper nouns, like baby tummy bu...t
Different.

You, think You. Have stretch marks.
Heh.

Abort.

Just alive.
.no body in sight.
Just LIVE.
Breathing.
Not living though.
They want maniquins
That dance. Do **** they supposed to do.

This is mom brain.
Pregnancy brain.
They just want babies forever.
Helpless. BOTH.

These are things that mothers feel.
Is this the just cause of goodness to strive?

**** that.