will you be there

will stay by my side

even when i lose my mind ?

will you love me

will you be there

even when i lose my mind ?

when i scream

and cry

and overreact

will you still be there

when i lose my mind

I used to say
Every little thing
On my mind

I used to say
What I felt
When I felt it

And when I did
I was happy
But just for a moment

Until he tore me down
Until he said I was
“Crazy”

Until he accused me
Of being the one doing
Wrong

So when you say
Hurtful things
I know better

And when my heart races
Because I’m nervous
And scared

I just say I’m fine
Because otherwise
I am insecure
I am jealous
I am overthinking
I am too much
I am crazy

All I am is scared
Of losing you
And of losing myself
Too

Scars of past loves
Have led me here
Into your arms

And I can’t help
But look over your shoulder
As I love you

And I can’t help
But read between the lines
As I talk to you

And I can’t help
But think too hard about it all
As I try to fall asleep
Next to you

Scars
Burns
Tricks

They haunt me like no tomorrow

And I don’t want to seem “crazy”
I don’t want to seem like “too much”

All I want is to be enough.

Nagging feelings
Persistent thoughts
“Will it last?”

These feelings, these thoughts
Are met with a sly grin
In the back of my mind

Thoughts of your smile
Your arms, wrapped around me
Your delicate kiss

Your wet legs in bed right after you shower
Your awkward, adorable playfulness
Your face when you said “I think I love you”

The nagging feelings
The persistent thoughts
Mean nothing

The spark
In that first kiss
We thought was heat
Of the moment
Of that sweaty July day

The giggles
When we undressed
We thought was the pressure
Of the moment
Of that decision

The pleasure
Of our actions
We thought was fleeting
Only present then
In those few hours

The sounds
Of our happiness
We thought was exclusive
Of that day
Of that arrangement

But months later
We are here
The spark
The giggles
The pleasure
The sounds

The idea we had
Became more than we could imagine

Not what we planned
Not what we were looking for
But so much more

I had an idea
A goal
A plan
In mind

I knew what I wanted
And I came to get it

But I never expected this

Your smile
So calming

Your words
So nice

Your manners
So polite

Your plan
Was the same as mine

But you didn’t expect this

My laugh

My feelings

My thoughts

Neither of us
Expected this

But seven months later
We have a lot more than we could have asked for

You

You are the reason

The reason I clench the pepper spray in my purse
As I walk by the man with the kind eyes
At night

You are the reason
I hold my car keys
Between my fingers
When I’m alone

You are the reason
I know kind eyes
Can also mean
Lies
And deceit
And hurt

You are the reason
You did this to me.